章節 18: Chapter 18
Michael
Fuck she feels good.
Her lips, soft and perfect, move with mine in perfect unison. The moment she moans, I'm a fucking goner. I slip my tongue in, letting it dance with hers. Placing my hands around her waist, I give her a light squeeze, captivated in the small breath she gasps.
It isn't until I feel a growing problem in my pants, do I realize my mistake.
I'm kissing her.
I'm kissing the woman I swore to protect, the one I am risking everything for. The one that needs her sanity and to feel safe after being imprisoned by a monster for four years.
I break away, closing my eyes so that I don't focus on her beauty and take her right here and now.
"I'm so sorry Whitney.." Opening my eyes I see her starring down at the floor with confusion, her lips a tint of pink from my onslaught.
What the fuck have I done?
"I shouldn't have done that, I'm so sorry. I'll take you home if you'd like." I don't give her a moment to respond, simply walk away, heading back upstairs, listening as her small footsteps follow behind me.
Once we reach the threshold of the basement, my mistake becomes all the more real.
I practically fucking attacked her.
I pass the kitchen, ignoring the pang of guilt when I see the fruit ad veggies we had sliced to create our smoothies. Whitney was right, I was tip toeing around her feelings. After her father had told me that she was getting worse, I honestly didn't know what I would be stepping into. It wasn't until I noticed she was bullshitting the punching bag did I see what I had done wrong.
I treated her like a client, when she was only looking for a friend.
Locking the door behind me, I turn and notice Whitney already inside my car, her breathing becoming more and more erratic.
Cars.
She's not comfortable being inside a car.
I don't even want to imagine why.
I walk over, hopping into my side of the car and start the ignition. Pulling out, I watch in the corner of my eye Whitney grab hold of her pants with a tight grip. It's obvious I've made her uncomfortable, and I need to make it better.
"Whit, I just want to say how sorry I am. I shouldn't have done that to you, I don't know what came over me."
"H-have you. I mean, was Ihave you um. kissed other girls." The question nearly blows me out of my car. I look back at the road, not one hundred percent comfortable with the direction this question is heading in, but she's talking, and I can't ignore her.
"Yes, whit. I'm twenty-seven. I've kissed girls, I've had girlfriends, but that's not"
"I've only had two men kiss me." She states, her voice sounding almost robotic. "My first kiss was my old boyfriend, Curt. We hadn't been dating long, and I really only did it to say that I have, but I knew he cared for me." She takes a deep breath and I know deep down, what is coming next. "Master Phillipe was the next man. He had a thing for making us look at him while he drove into us. Kissing was intimate, but he would often make us do that as well."
"Brainwashing." I mutter low but she still hears me.
"Yes. That's what Olga called it too. He wanted us to have some kind of dependence on him."
Tears flow down her face, but she holds in her sobs. I pull over, not far from her home and unbuckle my seatbelt then hers. My arms flow around her and she buries her face in my chest.
"Fuck babe, I'm so sorry. I crossed a line with you. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."
She begins shaking her head in my clutch, so I loosen my grip on her and pull back.
"You still don't get it Michael. I feel a connection to you. More than I feel with anyone else since you rescued me. You're the only one I feel comfortable with, the only one that makes me feel like my old self. I don't want to stop seeing you."
Shock must register across my face because she giggles lightly, causing a ping to my chest unlike anything I have ever felt.
"You aren't angry with me for what I did?" Another shake of her head and it takes everything inside me not to collapse and grovel at her feet, begging for her forgiveness.
She wasn't angry I kissed her, she was hurt that I pulled away and apologized. Her connection for me is just as strong as mine is to her.
Well fuck me.
"I'm unsure of a lot of my life Michael. I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point. If everything went normally in my life, I would be graduating from college soon, moved in with my best friend and maybe even engaged. Now, I feel like a burden to everyone. Everyone but you. You're the only thing I am sure about."
Her words hit me hard and I use them like a beacon of light in the darkness suffocating the both of us. Silence greets us for some time until an idea pops into my mind.
"I want to take you somewhere. Would that be alright?" She nods her head, turning to put her seatbelt over her once again. I turn, doing the same and pull out, making a turn and heading the opposite direction of her home.
It's silent on the way to our destination but a comfort surrounds us. I no longer feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her. She has made it clear she doesn't want that. Treating her like nothing happened is a mistake, but if I can find a world in between the balance of the pain of her past, and the comfort of now, then we have made a small step in the right direction.
Twenty minutes later we arrive. Turning off the car, I unbuckle and turn to watch her do the same. She turns back at me with a large smile plastered across her face, one that nearly knocks me unconscious, and I know I have made the right decision. Grabbing two bottles of water I had stashed in the car, I hop out and walk around the car to meet her.
Old creak hill is exactly the way I remember it. The trail for both hiking and mountain bikes split into uneven and rough terrain. There are large Douglas fir and Engelmann spruce trees located all around the trail and because it's early enough, there aren't a lot of people here yet.
Turning my head in her direction, I watch as she asses the large hill many mistake for a mountain. It's huge, even more so to someone who has never been up here, but I won't go all the way up today. Halfway gives you an amazing view of the town down below, something I think she will appreciate as much as I do.
"So what do you think?" Whitney turns her head, gazing at me with a sign of relief flowing around her eyes.
"That you enjoy working out a little too much?" A foreign chuckle flows out of me.
Damn, this girl is something else.
"Didn't know you had a hint of smartass within." A smile grows across the lips I wish to sink my teeth in again. I shake my head, throwing away the image I know I shouldn't be having and move to walk past her.
It takes us nearly thirty minutes to get to the halfway point. Sweat beacons off my back in waves but when I turn and spot Whitney looking out past the horizon, it all becomes worth it.
"Wow." She sighs out. "This is incredible."
I join her at the edge, handing her a bottle while I crack open my own. There is a small brown wooden fence protecting us from going off the edge sitting beside a large sign that marks the halfway point for this vast hill. The town looks incredibly small from here but looking around I can spot everything.
"I thought you'd like this."
"I do. I can see everything from here."
We stand there for a while, pointing out the different locations we have been to, laughing when we tell each other stories from our pasts. It's strange to know that we grew up in the same town. If it weren't for our age difference, we would most likely be hanging around the same group of people.
"So you just took them and ran?" I am laughing my ass off as she continues her story of going to the movies with her best friend Sara, only to find her crush for over two years was right behind her in line at the concession stand.
"I was so nervous. I didn't want him to think I was a pig, but Sara had already gone to save our seats and she and I both wanted a good amount of food since we both missed lunch that day."
"Did he see you?"
"I never found out. By the time they called my number to pick up my food, I grabbed it all and ran out of there. It wasn't until I go inside and sat down with Sara that I realized I had forgotten to pay."
"So what did you do?" She begins laughing, something I am finding myself becoming easily addicted to. The questions I have for her are pathetic, but I will do anything for her to continue her story so that she can continue giggling.
"Nothing. I thought I was in the clear. That was until he had sat down with his best friend and their girlfriends, directly behind me." She states, looking out at the red and white sign indicating the theatres title. "And that was shortly before security came up and escorted me out."
Another round of laughter erupts between the two of us and it takes us a moment to get our bearings together. After wiping my tears, I look back at Whitney, noticing her demeanor has changed. She's starring out at the view, her brows low and body language tense. She's thinking of everything she never got a chance to experience. Every party in college, every birthday, every date with some dickhole nowhere near good enough for her.
She missed out on it all.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out pressing ignore immediately when I notice Mr. Averson, my father's lawyer calling.
"My dad used to take me up her all the time when I was a kid." I say to her, watching as she wipes at a few tears then turns my way, giving me her full attention. "The very first time, I had gotten into some trouble at school when I was ten. My principal kept me after school for punching one of the kids square in the nose. Dad had to leave work early to pick me up and was not happy about it. I knew I was going to get my assed kicked once we go home."
Memories from that day come flooding through my mind as I recall being scared shitless of my father's punishment. I hated using violence, dad never condoned it given his line of work, but after that little shit Brian Pierce kept snapping the bra off Debra McAlister, I knew he only took the answer no, one way. I was an angry kid after seeing my mother as an alcoholic and began taking it out in the wrong direction. Dad hadn't punished me though, instead he took me here, to Old Creek hill, to the halfway point, the exact place we are here and now and talked to me. We talked for hours, about everything. And when it was all said and done I looked at my dad with a new light.
I tell Whitney all of this, watching as he eyes bore into mine.
"He seems like a proud father."
"He was."
"Was?"
"He died. A year ago." Her eyes immediately mist over, but I continue my story, suddenly needing to get this off my chest. "Ever since he left, I've felt lost, like I wasn't doing good enough for him, like I was failing him somehow."
"You feel like your line of work isn't enough to make someone like him proud?"
"Not exactly. I was Ground Task Force when my dad died and he told me all the time how proud he was of that, but after he passed, I felt my line of work was for nothing. My dad died of cancer, and as many times as my mother told me to come down and see him, I was always too busy. It wasn't until he was on his deathbed that I made the effort to come and see him."
"I'm sorry Michael."
"So, you see Whitney, we all have regrets. Some are more powerful than others, but you have a chance now, to do anything you want, to be anyone you want. It will take some time, and I know it sounds like the most terrifying thing in the world, but just promise me you won't give it all up like I did."
It takes a few moments, but she finally nods her head at me and blesses me with words I hope are genuine.
"I promise."
Nodding my head, we both bring our gazes back to the view and watch in silence as the town comes to life all around us.
Half an hour later, we make our decent down the hill, heading for the car for some much needed lunch. If it weren't for Whitney's stomach rumbling, we would have stayed up there all day. It's surprising how comfortable I feel being around her. Most women would need to fill every valuable second with talk, but she's different. Much like me, she enjoys the silence, the normality of just being there.
Hoping out of the car, I jog around the front, stopping just in time to see her opening her door herself. Dad always taught me to be a gentleman, to always open the door for a lady, but with her panic attack earlier and my now understanding of her being in a car and feeling trapped, I won't push the concept on her.
"Hope this place is alright. I've been here once before but if you want to go somewhere else that's fine too."
"I'm fine with this place." She states, walking up beside me to the front of the café.
Whitney seemed to enjoy the walk uphill this morning, and because it's such a beautiful day, I choose a table outside. Once seated, I pull up the black and cream menu's located on the metal prong in the middle of the table. I know what I want within seconds, but I take my time looking to give Whitney some time. It isn't until I notice Whitney beginning to fidget that I realize what's wrong.
She has to decide.
"Whit, you can have anything you want. Is there anything you'd like to try?" Olga told me about them being forced to kneel while the men around them ate, giving them scraps off their plates.
Eating wasn't a choice for her and the others. It was a reward, and they were still fed. It will take a while for Whitney to feel one hundred percent comfortable doing something mundane like eating for herself.
Anger slices through me in a flurrying rage at what that monster did to innocent teen girls. I make a mental note to speak with Cobi about the information Deek had given to me about Phillipe and Malcom's disappearance.
"Whit" I say quietly, watching as she tries to reign in her panic and fear. "Hey Whit" My hand reaches out, gently caressing hers with my fingers. She drops the menu, tears forming in her eyes, attempting to hide them from me. "Baby steps okay. Let me order for you today, and you can order for the both of us next time."
She releases a dep breath, blessing me with a light smile, then places the menu down in front of her.
"Okay."
"Good. Now, I have a concept for you." I await while she brings her gaze back up to mine, biting down on the lips I now crave. "I want us to be friends."
"Aren't we already?" She asks, flashing me with anther smile.
"Yes, but I want us to be good friends. I want to help you. You seem to enjoy the work outs, the punching bags, the hikes. If you're okay with it, I'd like to help train your body, and in turn, your mind."
"What are you really asking Michael?"
Christ when this girl says my name.
"I want to be there for you Whit. You said that you can't comprehend this pull I have over you; well it works the other way too. I want to be there for you, for reasons I can't quite explain because I don't quite understand them myself. But, you're my friend and I want to be there for you every step of the way. If you'll have me."
I'd wait eternity for an answer but thankfully I only have to wait six seconds before she blesses me with yet another happy smile and nods her head.
What have I gotten myself into?
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