章節 15: Chapter 15: Plugging in the keys
Dear Diary
It's been one week since everything happened.
Mom and dad agreed that I could take the entire week off school to rest and get better. Yesterday was my follow up appointment with Doctor Palmer and she gave me the go ahead on going back to school, so now I had no choice. Monday would be my first day back and nothing in my frail mind is looking forward to that.
Brian spends the night each night at my house. He sleeps in the living room but each night except for the very first, he comes into my room in the middle of the night and lays down beside me. I thought mom and dad would be upset seeing how they find us this way every morning, but mom told me that since Brian began doing that, I don't scream out at night anymore.
I wish I could say the nightmares are over, but I have just found a way to suppress my screaming. I can still feel the demon eating away at me each night. I can see his face each and every time I blink or rest my eyes. I looked in the mirror yesterday morning, not having to do so since I left the hospital and saw the bags under my eyes. I know everyone can tell that I am still not sleeping, but I'm not quite ready to ask for help.
Brian's mother told him that he needed to start going to school again so he has been going since Wednesday, although he still comes here right after school. Mona comes as well. She tries to make me feel better by telling me the latest joke or school gossip, but I only manage to give her small sad smiles.
Brian hasn't mentioned Derek since the first night. I haven't either. I don't really know what to say. I merely chucked it up to the fact that Derek saved me that night and the only memory I have of him is him coming into my mother's shop that night. Dreams are strange that way.
That isn't to say I haven't dreamt of him since then. Every time I dream, my nightmare comes to life. Sometimes I am back at prom and everyone watches as Steven destroys me. Sometimes Brian is there but chained up, so he can't reach me, and other times I am watching the attack happen but it's not on me, it's on Amy. I don't know what it means, and I'm sure each dream has its own psychological reasoning, but I don't want to spend too much time thinking about it.
I just bury it deep down into the pit of hell in my mind where no one can reach me.
- - - - -
"You sure you're going to be alright today by yourself mija?"
"Yes mom."
"I can stay home one more day if you'd like."
"No, mom, you've missed work all week, and it's spring. I know how busy your shop gets." Mom's phone has been going off all week and I know if she misses anymore days then it could mean bad business for her clients that rely on her. She has established herself as the fastest in our town, and that can only maintain if she is there.
"Alright, but I'll have my phone on me if you need anything. Monday evening, we go and meet with the specialist the doctor recommended." I nod my head, not forgetting about Doctor Palmers recommendation at my follow up appointment.
"I want you to see a sleep specialist. I can tell you aren't getting much rest with the deep bags under your eyes. Have you been having nightmares?"
"No."
She looks over at me while typing up in her computer, her eyes going soft. I know she thinks I am lying, hell, I am lying, but I don't want any kind of medication. I don't want anything that will keep me in the darkness where the demon can get to me.
"Remember the mantra I gave you Jolie. It wasn't just meant for people to say to you."
"Jolie?"
I snap out of my memory and give my mom a small smile. I don't want her to stay home today for more than one reason. I have something I want to do today, and I won't be able to get it done with everyone around.
"I'll be fine mom." I reach out and grab her purse from the dining table, hand it to her and watch her leave the house. Dad and Chrissy already left this morning and I know by the text message I received from Brian that he is already at school.
I head up to my room right after I hear mom's car pull out and take one of my pain pills. The bruising is down all the way, but I still get pain in my midsection if I move too quickly. Something I chose not to mention to Doctor Palmer.
After a hot shower and some oatmeal, I look at my phone and see I have a text message from Mona.
Mona: Not here again.
Me: Thanks, I'm leaving my house now.
Mona: Please be careful Jo.
Me: I will be, I just need to do this, remember don't tell anyone.
I turn of my phone, grab my keys and head outside. My car, something that feels like it's been forever since I drove, sits lonely in the driveway. Walking up to it I pause as I see my reflection in the driver's side window. I look haggard and exhausted. Hating my appearance, I open the door and hop inside.
Starting it up, I almost get giddy about being behind the wheel once more. Since I hardly use the car, except for every once in a while to get something for mom while she is busy, or to go to Brian's house, but it's been a while since I was by myself just driving to my destination.
It doesn't take me long to get to his house. I got the address from Mona, although I still don't understand how she got it in the first place. It's a large house, almost as big as the Davis'. I figured it would be a little on the nice and expensive side as I headed closer and closer to the downtown area.
I step out of my car and head to the front door but stop in my tracks when I hear the familiar sound of a basketball hitting the ground over and over again. I look around but don't see anyone near me or in the front area of the house. I take my chances and walk through the side of the house and into the backyard where I see him dribbling the ball between his legs several times before taking the shot.
I don't know how long I watch him. I become enthralled with watching the game I love, the game that reminds me so much of Brian. Before I know it, Derek turns around and startles me.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I place my palm on my beating heart and walk closer towards him.
"I wanted to talk to you."
"Could have called." Derek walks over to the small wall encompassed by a small bed of roses and retrieves his shirt. Placing it over his head, he gives me a questioning look and I walk further into the backyard.
It's a large area. Made up of a basketball court, tennis court, and large sized pool. The side of the house that leads to a long glass door leading inside, has a long and vibrantly colored garden and enormous pergola.
"I don't have your number. I just wanted to come by and tell you thank you for-... you know." He crosses his arms and narrows his eyes and I find my anger growing at his sudden distaste for me. Granted before prom I sort of called him out for being a jerk in front of Amy, but he saved me, well in a way, and I know I couldn't rest without thanking him.
"You don't have to thank me, didn't do anything." He turns back around and lifts the ball from the ground. My sudden anger grows rapidly, and I run over to him and grab his arm, spinning him around to face me letting the ball fly to the ground.
"Didn't do anything? Are you kidding me Derek? I was there, remember? I saw you attack him, I saw you." Derek merely narrows his eyes further and tries to walk away once more, only I won't take that. Everyone has been walking on egg shells around me and here he is acting like it's my fault it happened in the first place.
"Let go."
"No. Not until you tell me about that night. And why you haven't been at school since then."
"Why the hell do you care?"
"I thought you were my friend Derek. I thought you cared about me. Yet here you are acting like a completely jerk." I let go of his arm and stare at him. His bright blue eyes are contrasting to his dark sweaty hair.
"Your friend? I fucking failed you. I didn't stick up for you in front of Amy, and maybe if I fucking did, you wouldn't have had to defend yourself against her, and then she wouldn't have-." He turn before finishing and I see the turmoil going through his body.
"Derek-."
"No Jolie. It was fucking obvious she planned what she did because she was fucking pissed at you for embarrassing her. Can't believe she thought that was getting even. Crazy bitch."
I look down in shame. I've been so focused on trying to avoid the demon waiting at the porch steps of my light, that I hadn't put much thought about what exactly put me there. I told detective Palmer everything, even mentioning Amy crying in the enclosed space I found her in. I told him what I heard her say to her brother and how I figured it was all a prank, until he took things too far. I don't know for sure if that's what Amy had in mind for revenge but if she didn't mean for it to go too far, why did Miranda help me and not her?
"I didn't mean to make you think about that shit, sorry." I look up to see Derek staring at me. I came here for a reason, to ask him what happened that night, how he knew about me being in there, but I'm thinking I might have just wasted my time.
"I'm sorry I bothered you Derek." I walk back over to the front of the house but before I could reach my car, a hand grabs my arm and quickly turns me around. Panic rises from my chest and my mind conjures up an image of Steven getting his clutches on me once again. I scream with everything that I have, intent on not letting him quiet me, ever again.
"Jolie, stop, please. It's me, it's Derek." I blink a few times and when Derek comes into view I close my eyes as the anxiety begins to slowly disappear.
"I'm sorry." Derek leads me back to the back yard and sits me down on a light blue padded rocking chair. My body feels as though I have the flu as I shake violently.
"Nothing for you to feel sorry about, I'm the one who grabbed you that way. I'm sorry." I can feel the heat of his arm around my back and take a moment to breathe in the fact that I am not in the darkness. Derek lead me to the light.
"I shouldn't have come. I wanted answers, but it looks like I couldn't handle them if I wanted to."
"Answers? From me?" I nod my head and look up at the sun beaming. It feels incredible to sit outside and feel the heat on my face. I've spent a lot of time this past week inside and under my blankets. Between fighting in my sleep, and juggling the fake smiles in front of everyone, it feels good to sit with a frown and feel the sun on me.
"About that night?" I turn to Derek, blinking a few times from starring at the sun too long.
"Why did you miss school this week Derek?"
He blows out a deep breath and I feel his arm fall from my back. I know he doesn't want to talk about it, but he is the only one that can answer my questions. My dream keeps trying to tell me something. I need to plug in the holes.
"My mom died when I was ten." I gasp and over my mouth with my hand. Oh God. "I was kind of troubled kid. Acted out a lot and got into trouble with the law. Mom raised me on her own, never knew who my real father was so she took it upon herself to do everything alone. She met this guy and they started dating but he was a scum bag. Dealt drugs and got mixed up into all kinds of shit. She was hooked after a while too. Few months after they got together, I met Mr. Nicholas. He happened to be one of our neighbors. He taught me how to play basketball and to channel all my hurt and anger into it. I learned how to escape my reality with something I was also passionate about."
I sink back into the chair as Derek sits up in his. Hearing how the school's basketball couch found a young troubled Derek gives me some kind of relief on his story, but he hasn't gotten to the part of her death just yet.
"One day, I came home from practice. Mom had two guys over, but I've never seen them before. They looked like trouble, but I minded my own business. She always had people over so what was two more guys? I woke up in the middle of the night to them beating the shit out of her and raping her. I was scared. Worried that they would hurt me if I helped her. So, I stayed in my room. I heard everything but did nothing. When they were done, they left, and mom simply cleaned up the mess and went to her room. She never was the same after that. She started doing drugs more and more, then one day got too carried away. I found her dead on our couch a few months later. She had overdosed. My aunt took me in not long after that, and I've been here ever since."
A tear slips form my eyes and I quickly wipe it away. God, how did he go through all of that? Then to see me go through the same thing? It must have destroyed him.
"Derek. I'm so sorry."
"I couldn't do it again Jo. I couldn't let someone I care about go through that again." His eyes close as he takes a deep breath. "I was looking for you. I don't do prom, never intended on going, but guilt was hitting me hard at not sticking up for you that day at school. Decided to stop by so I can apologize to you and to Davis. I went looking for you and ran into Miranda. She told me where to find you, then booked it out of there. I think she knew what Amy was up to and just didn't want any part of it. Anyway, I heard you scream, then kicked down the door. The rest you know." He finishes while looking at his fist. There is nothing there, but I have a feeling just the other day it was full of red marks.
"Thank you, Derek."
"Don't thank me. I should have stuck up for you, and because I didn't, she wanted revenge. If anything you should be thanking your man. He got quite a few blows in on that asshole after you passed out. Took me a while to pry him off you." I shake my head, but he doesn't see me because he is still studying the basketball he left in the middle of the courtyard.
"No Derek. Amy was probably going to do this regardless of what I said to her that day. She hates me, and I've spent enough time wondering why. By the way, what ended up happening with the project you and I had together?"
"I see a blush cross Derek's face, and if didn't know for a fact that Derek would destroy my phone, I would pull it out and take a picture.
"I went ahead and emailed it all in Mrs. Boseman. She said she was fine with receiving it that way due to the circumstances."
"You did the whole thing by yourself?" Derek simply shrugs, and I give him an appreciative smile.
We fall into a comfortable silence. Neither of us wanting to ruin the moment by bringing any more ugly into it. I stand up, intent on heading back to my car but think better of it and grab the basketball. Derek narrows his eyes then laughs when I attempt to dribble. I've never really played sports, except playing with Brian a few times, and find myself laughing right along with him.
"How are you and Davis together again?" My laughter bubbles louder and a somber feeling consumes me. Would Brian hate that I was over here?
"You okay?" I feel Derek walk up in front of me and I give him the same sad smile I have given everyone else this past seven days.
"Yeah. I should get home. I didn't tell anyone I would be here and don't want my mom or dad coming home early to me not being there." Derek nods his head and walks me to my car. Before I get in, he calls out my name causing me to stop mid step.
"Thank you for coming over today. I didn't mean to make it seem like I was avoiding you. I just needed some time and space before I went to you. I swear, I would have come to check on you." I nod my head knowing he eventually would have.
Derek is my friend, and as much as I have more questions than answer now, I am in a good place as I leave his house. I just wish I could have stayed in one come the next morning.
-- 收到的禮物 
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票