章節 51: Crabbe and Goyle's Big Break:
Deadpool moved back into his office. Thankfully, Dumbledore could not bear to throw all of his belongings away in the three months, four months, however many months it had been since Deadpool kicked the bucket. The Merc with the Mouth blew off a strand of dust from his nameplate.
The office door opened up and Nick Fury popped into the room.
"Hey, Nick, what can I do you for?"
"Did you happen to see who killed you?" Fury asked.
Straight and the point, and Wade respected a man like that. "Well, the person who killed me, they did it from behind. Which isn't right. When you kill someone, it's common courtesy to look them in the eye. That way, when you come back from the dead, you can have a revenge arc. I can't really tell you who killed me. Could be anyone? I'm pretty sure people have their own theories."
"Moody was fired for attacking a student named Rebecca Black," Fury said.
"Yes, the girl who oddly is indifferent to Fridays," Wade said. "And Mad-Eye...he might be onto something...but is she really a killer?"
"Sometimes, the best killers are the ones we don't expect, until it's too late," Fury warned him.
Deadpool thought about it. Could Moody had been onto something, in his own paranoid delusions? As Wade knew from experience, just because you were paranoid, it did not mean that someone was not out to get you.
A knock on the door caused Wade to turn around. He opened the door, and a very terrified first year student said.
"Hey, kid, are you okay?" Wade asked. "Homesick? Dog died? What can I do with you?"
"I know who killed you," the first-year said. "Because, I saw it happened."
Now, Wade had been interested. The girl looked nervously over her shoulder.
"Come in, you can tell me," Wade said. "This is a safe space after all."
Rebecca Black yelled in pain as yet another potion had been shoved down her throat. Luna and Hermione, they sat at the edge of her bed. Well, Luna more willingly than Hermione. Hermione looked as if she would rather be in the library. Then again, Hermione always looked like she would rather be in the library.
"I'm sick of this bed!"
Voldemort did not know what the hell was wrong with him...with her...with anything really. The hole in her stomach healed every hour, and then ripped open about fifteen minutes later. No magic could heal her. If Pomfrey brought in the healers from Saint Mungos, the plan was up. They would find out what happened.
The body of his future daughter, had not been able to hold up. Voldemort, as much as he dared to speculate, figured that his massive magical prowess overwhelmed the witch's inept body, not worthy of the magic of the greatest sorcerer of this time and any other, Lord Voldemort.
Voldemort needed a vessel, a stronger vessel, one strong enough to withhold anything.
"Get me Harry Potter!"
Luna's eyebrow raised in surprise. "I beg your pardon."
"Harry can help me...he has magical blood," Rebecca said, trying to sound less like a commanding dark Lord. "Luna, you need to do this for me."
"No, what you need is the Healers who are coming," Luna said. "They will fix you."
"No, I need Harry Potter's blood!" Rebecca yelled, almost coughing from the exertion. "I need it….I need it now before it's too late. You will get it for me immediately."
Luna raised her eyebrows at Rebecca.
"No," Luna said. "I won't be doing that."
"What?" Rebecca asked. "I told you to do something and you're not going to do it for me."
"You told me to be more assertive," Luna said. "And it takes a lot more strength to say no to your friends, then it does to stand up to your enemies. So, I'm not going to do this for you. Just rest, and let the healers do their job."
"You really think that we were friends?" Rebecca asked. "In this life...there are no friends. There are merely assets, and you Luna Lovegood, was nothing other than an asset….and now that I can see you won't even do that….I have no more use for you at all."
"What?" Luna asked, genuinely hurt. "I thought…"
"People only regard your quirks with amusement," Rebecca said, quietly and savagely. "You are not amusing, you are not a unique individual. You are a mentally ill girl who only would have friends because people are sorry for you. Being fed into your delusions by your equally mentally ill father, and I'm sure your mother only got herself blown up because she was embarrassed by the both of you."
"That was out of line," Hermione said. "She's only concerned."
The magical cuffs around Hermione and Luna glowed.
"Please, as if you knew the answers to anything without a book dictating it to you," Rebecca said.
"Okay, that's wrong," Luna said. "Maybe we should be somewhere else. Goodbye, Rebecca, goodbye forever!"
Luna fought back a stream of tears, and Hermione wrapped her arm around Luna.
The shackles chaining both Hermione and Luna together dissolved. Yet Hermione, leading the poor and distraught Luna off. Luna looked like a puppy dog who had been kicked in the face after seeking approval from it's master.
To be honest, Lord Voldemort never saw anything more pathetic in his life. Once he regained full power, he would be killing Luna Lovegood, just to do her a favor. Because, it would be a mercy killing. Zero empathy for her tears hit the Dark Lord.
Rebecca reached over the bedside table and downed as many healing potions as possible. This would have negative effects on her body within a day, but Lord Voldemort cared little about this body when that of Harry Potter waited.
Coming down the hallway, Rebecca stepped down the hallway, bumping into Crabbe and Goyle. A pair of useful idiots if there ever was one, although their fathers obviously had some miniscule cunning, to find witches that would willingly carry their seed to the next generation.
"You two, I need your help," Rebecca said.
"What's in it for us?" Goyle asked.
"Oh, I don't know, I'm sure we can work out a little deal," Crabbe said with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrow, licking his lips when he looked down Rebecca's body.
If Rebecca did not want this body to be destroyed, she would have just killed Crabbe for that one. Swallowing her pride, along with some vomit, Rebecca pressed on.
"I need you to capture Harry Potter," Rebecca said. "Get in to the third floor corridor."
"You mean the one that Dumbledore said that you shouldn't go in?" Goyle asked.
"Yes, that one," Rebecca said. "Get me Harry Potter, and you will have a reward."
"And what's in it for us, sweet cheeks?" Crabbe asked.
Rebecca somehow choked down the urge to vomit. "Oh...I will give you ten percent of my winnings when I win the Triwizard Tournament."
"Wow, that must be a million Galleons," Goyle cheered. "We're in the money, we're in the money, it's going to get us the honeys, because we're in the money!"
The two stooges danced. Rebecca realized she only had twenty-four hours before this body would decay. She slapped them on the heads.
"Bring me Harry Potter!" she hissed. "I'm running out of time."
The shell shocked first year took a drink of water.
"I saw….the White Knight coming up after getting humiliated," the first year said. "And...then….I saw Rebecca Black...snatch Karkaroff's wand from his pocket...and walk up the steps...and she hit you from behind with the Killing Curse."
"Seems to me she was trying to frame Karkaroff, but why?" Fury mused.
"I was scared she would come after me if I said anything," the first year said whimpering and taking a drink of calming draught which Wade borrowed from Snape. "And when I was coming back from Detention...I heard her in the corridor...it was almost like she was practicing a speech."
"Why speech?" Fury asked.
"Hang on, I think it's about time for a flashback," Wade said. "Right about now."
Rebecca Black stood over a mannequin, with a lightning bolt scar crudely burned into its forehead.
"You thought that you were safe, but no Harry Potter, you will never be safe," Rebecca murmured to the mannequin. "Your mother's protection might have given you….twelve years of extra life...no wait...thirteen years...damn it I have to start over again."
The Dark Lord had to give the speech right.
"Harry Potter, you will not leave here alive," Rebecca said. "No, wait, that's too cliche."
Another deep breath came, with Rebecca unaware of the wide first year eyes watching here.
"You will fall at the might of Lord Voldemort," Rebecca said. "But...you know...damn it, too much teenage girl in my voice."
Another couple of breaths followed.
"Tonight, Harry Potter, you will die," she said. "All because of me, Lord Voldemort, you will fall at my wand...no too hokey."
Voldemort angrily burned the notepad. How was he expecting to kill Harry Potter without the proper monologue? Writer's block, it was a bitch, and the Dark Lord had been well out of practice giving evil monologues. He needed to figure out something.
"Wait, so Rebecca Black is Lord Voldemort!" Deadpool said. "He possessed his secret daughter with Bellatrix Lestrange, who ends up breaking a whole bunch of canon, and she goes back in time to create a whole knew timely, where Eobard Thawne does not kill her mother, but it creates a war between Aquaman and Wonder Woman and Bruce Wayne's father is Batman and his mother is the Joker. Or maybe I'm just confusing this plot with a much better one."
Fury prepared to make the call, to get Rebecca Black. She should be in the hospital wing right now. They scrambled from the office, past the posters advertising Pottercon weekend, a special event which everyone attending dressed up like Harry Potter.
The first year student raided Deadpool's candy bowl now she had been left in his office alone.
Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall raced up to the Hospital Wing, joined by Wade, Fury, and a bunch of SHIELD agents.
"Well, it appears that I owe Alastor a cup of tea for believing he was being overly crazy," Dumbledore said. "It appears that a foolish old man…."
"Yeah, later, Dumbledore, if the Dark Lord is here….we need to act quickly to subdue…."
The Hospital Wing bed had been completely empty, and no Rebecca Black.
"Well, that's a problem," Wade said.
"We need to search the schools, the Chamber of Secrets, the Forbidden Forest, Makeout Tower, everything!" Dumbledore yelled. "The most obvious places a Dark Lord could go, we must uncover it."
Wade thought about something. He had been used to thinking like the mentally unstable. It had been his job. Where would the Dark Lord go, if he wanted to achieve his evil plans.
Criminals tended to return the scene of the crime. And Voldemort's last crime had been the theft of the Philosopher's Stone all of those years.
'Well it's time for the raging climax for this year,' Deadpool thought.
Crabbe and Goyle caught sight of the one and only Harry Potter. The two goons pounced and took Harry down with a well placed double stunner spell.
"We beat Harry Potter!" Crabbe yelled. "We beat him just like that!"
"Why would Harry Potter wear a shirt with himself on it?" Goyle wondered.
"Who cares?" Crabbe asked. "I'm going to score with a Triwizard Champion."
Crabbe and Goyle took Harry Potter down the hallway to the corridor where Rebecca was waiting. And Crabbe could not wait to score with the hottest girl in the school. He would stir her cauldron any day. Crabbe had no doubt at all she was all woman.
Just as a portal opened and Harry Potter appeared in the hallway with several prominent love bites covering his neck. He had just been fighting a rather ruthless minotaur and had been rewarded for his efforts by some grateful Amazons. He had been gone for the better part of the weekend.
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