章節 132: One Last Dance with Himeji Kotori
I was in the middle of my power trip when you and I met, and I slowly became entangled with you not only personally but also romantically.
To say that you love me would be an understatement… More than anything else, I am aware of how much you are infatuated with me and how you desired time and time again to have me to yourself even after the warnings handed to you by those who know the true me best.
"Iwasawa-kou-sama… Am I-"
"Yes. You look really good on that, Kotori."
That's why unlike Kyoko and Mitsuhide, cutting my romantic ties with you hurts me more than it annoys me because you only know the me that I showed to others. A me that is tunnel-visioned to his goal and can lie to his teeth just to say the coolest thing that he can utter.
You never knew that the true me is still someone so weak-minded and lacking in courage that he cannot stomach anything that the current I have done.
That's why today… I want to finish this up. End this farce that started with a lie with the truth and only the truth.
"Welcome to Mt. Azami nature reserve. Are you in the reservation list, sir?"
"Yes. Two people by the Tranquility grove. I believe the Shogunate has arranged this for us."
"Oh… Hmm… Ah, found it. Yes, it has been reserved by Captain Takeuchi of the Shogunate Imperial Guards."
"I-I see..."
For my private conversation with Kotori, I chose to replicate the first time we met as much as possible. Away from the prying eyes of others in the center of a forest and with no one but the two of us to interact with each other.
"I-Iwasawa-sama… Why are we-"
"Hiroshi is fine today, Kotori-chan. We're on a date after all."
"Y-Yes! I… I understand… H-Hiroshi-san."
"Ahaha… It sure is strange to hear you address that way. But I guess it's cute in a way too."
"C-C-C-cute?"
"Yep… It's cute to hear you addressing me casually."
The nature reserve of Mt. Azami actually used to be a center of Shinto worship in this world's version of Japan until about several decades ago when it was razed by a crazy warlord in order to shorten the siege he was holding out in here.
Under an Imperial order though, it has become an area cordoned away from humans until just a few years ago when it was reopened to the public as a nature park and camping grounds. Now, most people spend their weekends here on the park grounds and some who wish to camp out, away from hustle and bustle of the cities and towns, can stay here for three days and three nights.
In our case though, I wanted to end this before tomorrow, so I chose to simply have the two of us ride our horses through the forest grove furthest from the populated areas of the place.
"Say, Kotori…"
"Y-yes?"
"Do you love me?"
"W-Wha?! I-I am…"
"I'm asking this not as you lord who orders you to answer it… I am asking it as a man who is requesting it with respect to a woman."
"I…"
"So, Kotori… Do you love me?"
The clipping and clopping of our horses' hooves echoed in the silent trail as I wordlessly awaited for her answer. It took a few moments until she raised her face and answered me genuinely.
"I love you, Hiroshi-sama."
"…"
"Ever since you freed me from my hopelessness… and showed me that there is still hope for me who has done so many unrighteous things!"
"…I see."
"I am… I think I am-"
"When you severed your ties and renounced your service with the Nachi clan, did you feel that you are making a mistake?"
"H-huh?"
"I heard about the details from Minori… he said that you declined the wedding proposal of the Nachi clan's prince and even hit him enough to make anyone else to step away from where you are walking."
"E-EHHH?! Argh! Why did you have to go in so much detail, Minori-dono?!"
Kotori kept on fidgeting over her saddle, her face was beet red in shame after learning that I was aware of her unlady-like behavior back then.
"If you're going to ask me though, you sounded cool in there."
"S-Sir?"
"I just thought about it after hearing everything from Minori and the others… It made me a bit ashamed that you can do something that even I can't pull off with all the courage I can muster."
"P-P-Please don't say that, Hiroshi! You are strong, dependable and most of all, brave! In actuality, you are the reason why I was able to stand up for myself and do what you heard from Minori-dono!"
"…"
"Not only did you save Ayasaki and put him under your wing and make him have nothing but pure loyalty towards you… you also saved my beloved friends and help me realize that I should serve a master more worth it to serve."
"Why did you choose me, then?"
There was a short silence again as she seemed to try and articulate her words into a cohesive and formal form.
"I… I think I chose you because every error that the Nachi clan had can't be found in you."
"And those are…?"
"You love your people. As much as possible, you don't want them to be in harm's way and you also don't provoke battles that you know would end up having those around you hurt or suffering."
"…"
"You also put a lot of value on the feelings of others. You listen to them when they are bearing a heavy burden. You lend your arms and shoulders for them to cry on when the things they are bearing are far too heavy. You comfort them when they lack the ability to be at peace whenever they are surrounded by painful and exhausting things."
"…"
"But the one thing that made me fall the most for you, Hiroshi-sama… is that fact that you value those around you more than anything else. And I hoped, no… I prayed again and again that if I am to be allowed to stay beside you not just as a subordinate or a friend but… someone more intimate and favored… I will give you everything that I have."
Finally, we reached the highest visitable summit of Mt. Azami where we can see the Imperial Capital of Hitachi and the other towns and villages around it. There, I knew that there would be absolutely no one to hear us or see us… That's why I decided to break the truth for her right here.
"Listen to me, Kotori."
"Hiroshi-sama?"
"…"
I sat by a fallen log and tapped the spot beside me, telling her to sit down next to me as we watch the surrounding area by the shade of the nearby pear trees.
"I am truly gladdened and honored with all that you said just now."
"Ah-!"
"You see, not many people have spoken to me like that because I began as a normal countryside doctor and became a daimyo overnight… Back then, they would speak to me either lowly or with reverence because of my profession as a doctor… it was rare for me to have someone speak about me because of what I am personally."
"I-Is that so, Hiroshi-sama?"
"And after all that you have said, I came to realize what it feels like to have someone look up to you after they used to treat you like equals… That for you, we started as people who used each other and over the course of time, became friends until you began to harbor such feelings for me."
"…Hk!"
I looked at her after she took a sharp intake of breath and saw that she was looking down while her face is flustered in a deep red blush. Because of that, the next words I wanted to speak almost became stuck in my throat.
"So, it is to my deep regret to say this to you after you showed such a pure-hearted and undying love for me, Kotori…"
"-!"
"I'm sorry… But I cannot give you back that love."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
What?
What did I just hear?
"I am happy… very, very happy that you held such great love and loyalty for me. But as I realized after the things that happened recently… I realized that I cannot reciprocate those feelings of yours with all of my heart."
Is Iwasawa-kou-sama saying that…
"I am very sorry, Kotori… for making you think that we can become something more… and making you hope for a future of us together…"
"…Iwasawa-sama."
"?"
"Iwasawa-sama!!!"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Knowing her, I knew that choosing such a desolate place to break the truth was for the best.
"Iwasawa-sama! Iwasawa-sama!!!"
"Kh-! Urk-!"
"Why?! WHY?!?!?!"
"Ko… Kotori-!"
"Why are you saying that? Why are you saying that we can't be together?!"
As soon as I gave my last statement, Kotori pushed me down to the ground and held my neck tightly with her two hands while continuously shouting questions in a pained tone.
"Was it me?! Did I do something that you didn't like?! Did I say something out of line?! Tell me! Please tell me what it is!"
"I…"
"Hik-!"
"I am the one… Kak! …who was in the wrong…"
After I spoke out that statement, Kotori's eyes became as wide as dinner plates and her lips began to quiver lightly as if something she wishes to speak is stuck unspoken in her mouth.
"No… You can't be saying that-"
"It was all my fault, Kotori… I'm sorry for not telling you ahead of the time."
"No… No, no, no! Iwasawa-sama- The real Iwasawa-sama wouldn't be so heartless to say those things!"
"Ick! Ack!"
"He wouldn't… He would never say those words! He will never blame himself for something that I shouldn't have hoped for!"
"Oww… Kotori."
"Give him back! Give the Iwasawa-sama that I came to know and love to me! Give him back for me! Don't show up with his face and say those mean things to me!"
"…"
"Give him back! Give him back… Give him back, damn it…"
After a while, Kotori's painful punches that was pulled and given with such great force earlier dwindled in power until she eventually can give nothing, but fists that are swung powerlessly… but by this time, what didn't hurt me physically ended up hurting me emotionally as she continued to weep in pain.
"Do you remember the night when we first met?"
"…"
"Your subordinate had to scour the forest to find you while I and my men are busy treating the wounded in your army."
"What are you…?"
"I'm trying to remind you of how the two of us first met… something that I want you to remember in order for you to come to terms with what I am trying to say."
"I…"
"Do it for me, Kotori… Please."
"Khh-! Hkk!"
"…"
With her still sitting on my knees, I sat up and used my hands to cup her delicate, little face and wipe the trail of tears on her face.
"I want you to remember it… Remember how you felt about the war you were fighting, the people you have lost and the hopelessness that grips your heart… everything."
"I… Hik-! I conceded everything to the wind. I let it carry my tears, my pain, my thoughts… I wanted it to carry everything away so it wouldn't weigh on my heart and mind anymore."
"Good, good… Now, I want you to remember your first impressions of me when we first met."
"I thought you are a stranger who is too naïve and trusting of others. There were times when I was absolutely annoyed of your actions just like when you made our soldiers to riot against the officers… but I soon realized that you… you just wanted to save everyone as much as you can."
"I see, I see…"
"But then, you saved me… You saved Tsuna. You saved her sister. And in the end, you even saved Myoko, the place where I was born and grew up in."
"…"
"All of us… All of us owed our lives to your care and kindness. How can you fault me for not wishing to stay beside someone such as you who can show such great compassion to those around him?"
After hearing what she has to say, I decided to go all in at breaking the news to her.
"You have done enough as my subordinate. You have done enough as someone who cares greatly for me."
"I-Iwasawa-sama."
"As I said before, I cannot give you back the love that you are showing towards me. I cannot reciprocate such pure and beautiful feelings when in truth, I do not feel the same way as you do."
Again, her face became staunch and agitated with my words. She seemed to not be willing to accept what I was saying, but it has to be said if I wanted to avoid hurting her more with this delusional one-sided love.
"Where did I go wrong, Iwasawa-sama? What have I done that made you hate me?!"
"You did nothing that displeased me, Kotori. In truth, I deeply appreciate and admire the actions that you have done for me. You even killed an evil goddess, you know?"
"T-that…"
"…Still, I don't feel that it is right for me to take you for myself when I do not love you the same way that you do for me."
"You don't need to!"
"-!"
"I don't care if that is the thing that concerns you the most… it doesn't even bother me in the slightest, you see?!"
"Kotori…"
"Even if you don't love me! Even if you are not sure that there would never be any love that would bud between us! I…I…I… I am willing to fill that void with my own love and affection for you enough for both of us!"
"…"
At this moment, I realized that the problem at hand ran deeper and more personal for her than I initially expected.
"I don't care if you will take up other women! I don't care if you will cast me aside in favor of someone that you truly love! I don't care about anything as long as… as long as…"
"Enough…"
"…As long as you are beside me, Iwasawa-sama. As long as I can see you everyday and give you all of my heart and life… I am… I am willing to be with you… beside you… right behind you…"
"Kotori."
She looked down, letting her hair fall to hide her face from me. But from the pattering of something moist on my abdomen and the slight quivering of her body, I knew that she was crying again because of my words.
"If it isn't right for a person of my station to be the rightful spouse of you, Iwasawa-sama. I will accept it… but even just the position of a concubine… or even a lowly lover. I am willing to accept it if it will allow me to have even a trickle of your love and interest. Please, Iwasawa-sama… I implore you… even such a filthy rank is enough for me."
"…"
"I don't care whatever it is or how others will see me… if in your eyes, I will be even just a little bit important to you… I am willing to do it."
At this point, any scumbag would be taking her for her word… after all, she is stating that she doesn't care anymore and taking her in would never be a shame for you but only for her.
But I am not such a lowly scumbag… and I have decided to correct my mistakes regarding the hope that I dangled in front of these women when I became prideful of my achievements.
"Well then…"
"Hah-!"
"Prove your desire."
After I said that, I drew out my dagger and placed it on her hands.
"Kill me and after that, do the same to yourself."
"That-"
"Only in death can I be free from my indecisiveness… and you, from my denial of your feelings."
"But that would mean that-"
"I know… And I know that you yourself are aware of what would happen too. But as I said, this is the only way for us to get what we want. Let's die together… only the two of us will know… and only the two of us will be with each other till the end."
There was a sense of conflict in Kotori's eyes after she heard my words. She knew that this is the only way for her to prove that she is willing to do anything to be with me and to be the beloved of me… and yet, a part of her also wishes that things didn't have to go this far.
"Right here… In my heart. One stab for me… and the same for yours."
"Iwasawa-sama… this isn't-"
"Let's join our hearts… for the first and last time."
"-!"
"Do it, Kotori."
This was the extent of my shame towards not only her but also to Kyoko and Mitsuhide.
Playing with their traumatized, fragile and distraught hearts and emotions was one thing… but wishing to still be right there beside them afterwards with no shred of shame was something that made me think I should just die.
Sora was right when he berated me back then… I became consumed by the things that I thought made me great enough to deserve their affections… when in the end, all that I did was to mess with things and make others work and only reap the product to show to others.
I deserved no recognition for the trickery and lack of shame that I did… and most of all, I deserved none of the affections of these women that I just set aside for the tickling of my own ego.
"You and I, Iwasawa-sama… for the fist and last time…"
"Mm."
"I will join our hearts… and you and I will be together… forever… even in the afterlife."
"…"
Kotori raised the dagger above my left chest. Aiming straight for my heart as I instructed her to do.
"I love you, Iwasawa-sama…"
"I'm sorry that it has to end this way… Kotori."
She closed her eyes, and I gave what might have been my last words.
"I am honored to have such a loving woman such as you as my subordinate… till the very end."
*SHICK-!!!*
The dagger went down in a stab and my chest felt tight and warm…
"I…"
"…"
"I can't…"
But it was stabbed into the ground under my arm… away from my chest that anticipated that hit, only to return its flesh to normal.
"I can't do this… How can… How can I even dare to hurt the person that I love more than anyone else in this world…?"
"Come here…"
"Hik! Kuh-!"
"Let it all go… Don't hold it back…"
"I… I love you, Iwasawa-sama! I love… I love you…!"
"I know… I know…"
"I want to give you all that I have! I want to do everything that I can for your sake!"
"…"
"I am ready to do everything… everything…"
As I took her into a tight embrace with the two of us laying down on the grassy ground, she sunk her face on my chest, crying out everything that hurt her and showing me how much she truly desired to be with me.
Love is just like this… It turns perfectly rational people into emotional messes. Makes them feel pain and happiness when they are together with someone and at times, even causes them to do things that they are usually not willing or able to do.
For me, of to be exact, the me of the past world, I went as far as infiltrating a secretive party of the technocrats just to save the girl that we, yes, we, Miyazaki Hiro, loved from the bottom of our hearts.
At first, I was simply acting out of the residual memories and desires of the person who died and I, as his replicant, was made to continue… but the more time I spent with her, the more I understood why the person whose life I was made to continue fell for her. She was kind-hearted, understanding, wise and most of all, I was never uncomfortable with her… in truth, I found myself stronger and braver with her.
That's why when she died in my arms, I found no other reason to live and in a display of mockery towards them, took the secrets of my perfected Replicant body with me to the grave.
Love is a very beautiful thing… but it also causes someone at times, to not care about anything else anymore just to attain it.
"…"
"Umm… Iwasawa-sama…"
"Yes?"
That's why properly severing the hope for love between Kotori and me is important.
"What should I do now…?"
"…"
"I know that this would bring us right back to the things that we swore to close off earlier… But I don't believe that I can keep on serving in Kiko's army without rekindling the love that I have for you."
That's right… I have to properly sever it so it wouldn't be a burden for both of us afterwards.
"You can still serve in there… You shouldn't be worried too much about it."
"B-but Iwasawa-sama… I will keep on seeing you-"
"Trust me, Kotori… You don't have to quit the things that you love in fear of that thing reoccurring."
After all, the two of us won't be meeting for a long while after I have cleaned up my mess with the four of you.
"If that is so, then I will heed your orders, Iwasawa-sama…"
"Thank you, Kotori-chan… and also, I apologize that I did all of this so suddenly for you."
"Nn, nn… It is alright, my lord… It is alright."
As we rode our horses through the afternoon roads of the city of Hitachi, there was now an expression of tranquility on the face of Kotori… as if the almost suicidal and self-depreciating young woman that I saw in the middle of the mountain forest earlier was nowhere to be found.
"I feel a bit ashamed, Kotori."
"Sir? Why would you feel as such?"
"I told you earlier that this would be a date… but in the end, I did nothing but to make you cry, think lowly and hurt yourself and even asked you to commit a murder-suicide with me."
"That was…"
"I know… no sane person would call that a proper date."
After I said that, I thought up what should I do to make up for that and remembered something that was happening tonight in one of the city plazas of Hitachi.
"Say, Kotori-chan…"
"My lord?"
"Can I extend our date for a wee bit more until before dinner?"
After asking that so openly, Kotori was surprised and seemed to have blushed lightly before answering me.
"Sure… I would be honored to be beside you, sire."
"Well then, that's a promise…"
After we returned to our lodgings and changed into casual clothes, I waited for her by the inn's gate and after she went out with a simple yet still beautifully designed yukata on her body, I gave her a light compliment as a sign of kindness of a ruler to his subordinate.
"Come on, that event area is a bit far to go to on foot."
"E-Eh? But my horse is already-"
"That's why I brought Shinzuke with me. This horse is always ready to go wherever and whenever he is needed."
With her seated in front of my saddle, we went to one of the city's plaza areas and found it to be quite full of onlookers and performers.
"Wait… these people are-"
"Yeah… I already bought a pair for us before we came here."
As soon as she noticed the fox masks being worn by the townsfolk gathered in the area, I handed her one which both of us wore before dismounting from the horse and entered to the small event area.
"Everyone is… wearing simple clothes."
"It's a small gathering that started from the tradition of people here… a day where they can set aside their personal work and position in society."
"Then this is…"
"Yes… I wanted the two of us to come here to share one last dance."
As I said that, Kotori seemed to be lightly surprised with the words I spoke out and the hand that I outstretched as if it was some offer.
"I know that I am undeserving of you… and I made it clear that there should be nothing more between us but the relationship of a master and subordinate and in private, being like close friends."
"Iwasawa-sama…"
"Still, I do not want you to remember this day as a painful day one alone… that's why I wanted to leave you with a joyous memory that can make you forget the pain from earlier."
I took her hand with my outstretched hand and in one clean tone, asked her that question.
"May I invite you to a dance, Himeji Kotori…?"
"Ahaha… Ahahahaha!"
"Did I look pathetic because of what I said?"
"No, no… Not really, Kou-sama. In truth, you put my heart at ease."
Both I and Kotori walked near to the water fountain and performed a traditional dance that has a calm tempo and simple steps.
"You know, Iwasawa-sama… Even with the things that happened earlier and a lot of hopes that I have to sort out, I actually feel more relieved than anything else."
"Really?"
"Yes… it's like… you know, having nothing else to hide to those around you."
"I see…"
"It does set my heart and mind at peace."
Suddenly, she stepped out of the plaza area and with her fox mask partially taken off, looked up to the sky which I did as well.
"I learned something new, Iwasawa-sama… after all that we talked about earlier."
"And those are?"
"That I should stop making the wind to take over the things that I feel burdened with carrying… and instead sort it out and solve it with my strength."
And as she gave her final statement, a fireworks rocket whistled through the sky and burst into beautiful shapes and sizes in the air.
"It's time for me to become better, Iwasawa-sama! Please look after me!"
"…Yes. I will surely watch over you and support you along the way. Both as your master and your dear friend."
Caught in the beautiful explosion of the fireworks and still waving her arms and stepping with calculated steps, the dance of the general of the wind caught not only my attention and praise, but also of the others.
I was thankful that this time, I didn't end up simply breaking her heart… but instead, managed to give her a more useful and reachable goal.
Now… the last person in my list is the only one that remains.
"…Good morning, Iwasawa-sama!"
"Good morning too, Chi-chan."
And this time, this isn't a fully planned thing of breaking someone's love for me… but a test of whether or not I can properly care for and love someone even if death probably awaits me in the future.
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票