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54.83% Flash Poet / Chapter 102: Otaku Past

章節 102: Otaku Past

Have you ever

Been so determined to

Hold on to something dear

That it just made everyone else

That much more determined

To tear it away from you?

I put up such a strong fight

Using logic, sympathy, desperation

Anything I could think of

To keep my solace

One of the few methods I had

To cope with life

I used to keep a diary

Until it was traded

For amnesty with the queen

Hidden, written in code

Kept under lock and key

It was still overtaken

I used to listen to music non-stop

But a joined effort from authorities

And my monarchy constricted

The time I was allowed to listen

And the content that was deemed 'healthy'

Despite that they really did help me breathe

I used to stay up all night

Many a times just

Talking to my queen

But sadly there came a day

When she welcomed a new king

And from frequently it dropped to sulking

I used to read and read and read

Soaking in the words I longed to hear

The words I searched to feel

The words I knew would be me someday

If only I could keep absorbing them each day

Until I was banned, restricted, punished

I used to play with Barbies up to the age of 14

They allowed me to reenact scenes

That weighed on me heavily

Showed me the different viewpoints

Allowed me to imagine the best case scenario

Taught me what was wrong and how to fix it

But there came a day for each of them

My treasures each held captive

No escapes were left available

Flight or Fight for what keeps me sane

And I lost each of their battles

All for society's selfish game of images

Diaries were never mine alone

And I should either get used to it

Or stop using them entirely

Music was an interpretation of the listener

Unless it wasn't age appropriate

Or could be looked down upon by others

Sharing my thoughts and feelings with my queen

Is only to be expected, and commended

Except when it was out of line for my position

Reading was to be used for learning

To keep out of trouble and boost society

Not escape in fantasy or take precedence

Barbies are for children doesn't matter the use

Fashion design? Hairstylist? Use a mannequin

I will never consider you to be maturing otherwise

One by one and two by two

I watched all of my coping methods

Become tainted and ruined

The aftermath left me desolate

Withdrawn and empty

The perfect doll who aims to please

If a crack were to be seen in my performance

Then admonishment and disappointment followed

Wounding me even further

So I took to creating my own friends

4 imaginary children, and Casper the friendly ghost

I communicated through thoughts

And the abstractness of my art

Give whatever excuse lets me free

But you denied your chance of ever understanding me

I had always

Been so determined to

Hold on to my treasures dear

Yet everyone else dictated

What they wanted me to fear

But after the legal age was past

I gathered all my forgotten desires

And now I sit on an empty throne

Laying down the groundwork

For when Casper is signaled to open the gates

So I can welcome you into my new home

Everything ridiculed is the cornerstone

I will be the harbinger of my own future


章節 103: Shards of Agony

Dear di-a-ry

Hey, it's just me

Can I vent here?

Maybe just breathe...

Nothing I do is ever enough

It's always anger

Never giving a fuck

What I didn't do

What isn't finished

What should have been done

Why is it still blemished?!

If I prepare ahead of time

Things had been changed

I should have been realigned

'Come on, get with the program!'

'Fix your face, before I fix it for you'

'Why are you never happy,

Do we bore you?'

The circles keep intersecting

The margins blurred and slurred

Heads or tails, I'm stuck with the edge

A perfect, miracle landing

Anger through the Ages

Sorrows through the Silence

Bitterness in the Betrayals

Hatred from the Horror

Crushed in the Crossfire

Regretting the Resiliency

Damaged and Dying inside

How else am I supposed to respond

When life is unreachable as the grass

What am I supposed to hope

When I'm forever wishing

To hold the morning dew

Why can't the night stay calm

Just like this, for a little bit longer

Spent in counting the sands of time

Flowing ever closer to the morning dawn

That will wreak more spiraling emotions

Hey di-a-ry

Why is it just me?!

Can I stay here?

Maybe just disappear...


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