章節 20: Chapter 20
Leigh woke in the morning feeling like someone had pounded on her head all night. Jim slept beside her. Few things short of a bomb going off would wake him. She headed for the kitchen to make coffee and some breakfast, but then remembered that she was going to Kohkom's for tea. Worse, that she wasn't to take anything but water and her medications.
Leigh took her meds and drank a large glass of water. She still heard the thump of music but covering her ears didn't silence it. This time it really was in her head. She went to her office; maybe doing some work would tame the demons.
She couldn't find anything on the expedition Marc Dupuis talked about in his book. She did learn there was considerable discussion on whether the Vikings made it further west than Greenland through the northern waters. She was deep in scholarly and sometime acrimonious articles when she heard a knock at the door.
Leigh went to the door and opened it expecting Anna. Instead the young man from next door was standing there.
"The music wasn't that loud," the young man said. He blew cigarette smoke at her. Leigh wondered if he'd even been to bed yet. He still looked drunk.
"The police officer didn't agree."
"Well you're a cop's bitch, what else are they going to say? Don't fuck with me, lady." He turned and walked away.
Leigh went back in the house and sat at the kitchen table her stomach shaking. There was another knock at the door. She almost threw it open and screamed at the person, but she got control at the last second.
Anna still looked at her and stepped back.
"Did I knock too loud?"
"No." Leigh closed her eyes briefly. "I had a bad night with well, it was a bad night." She put her coat on and wrapped a scarf around her neck before adding hat and gloves. Next to Anna she looked over dressed.
"Aren't you cold?" she asked the girl.
"Nah." Anna giggled and looked around. "This isn't cold yet."
Leigh followed her out the door and double-checked that the door was locked.
They walked through the Grid and down the hill. Kohkom was waiting for them in the tent.
"Tansi, Kohkom." Leigh smiled as she entered the tent.
"Tansi, nôsisim." Kohkom nodded her head.
Leigh pulled the ski pants she wore under her skirt off and sat where she had before. Once again Anna vanished with her winter clothes and came back with a glass of water.
"Drink," Kohkom said.
Leigh drained the glass and handed it back to Anna. The girl put it on a shelf to the side of the tent. She picked up a bag and handed it to Kohkom. The old woman put a pinch of the bag's contents in a large shell. Anna put the bag down and stood beside Leigh.
"You have to stand for this part," she whispered, so Leigh pushed herself to her feet.
Kohkom started singing. The sound of it resonated in Leigh, but where the thumping music of the night before had disconnected her from herself, this sound anchored her in the present. She hummed along and Anna nodded at her. Smoke wafted from the shell and Leigh could smell tobacco, but other things as well. Kohkom walked around the tent and lifted the shell up at what Leigh decided were the four points of the compass. She thought of the medicine wheel that she had learned at little about before coming north. Last, Kohkom stood in front of Anna and the girl wafted smoke over her head as if she were washing in it. When Kohkom stood in front of Leigh, she tried to imitate the girl.
Kohkom nodded and put the shell down.
"Sit,"
Leigh sat herself at the table. Kohkom walked around her a few more times while she sang then sat across from her.
"You are much more troubled," Kohkom said, "The spirit is close to the surface. The white man's pills bind it, but not completely. You need to learn to speak to the spirit; to sing it to sleep."
The quivering inside Leigh had stopped.
"To walk this path, will take courage and discipline. I don't have any magic, not the way that you whites think about magic, but I listen to the spirit of what is around me. Listening doesn't mean following, some spirits must not be followed, but if we don't hear, we don't know if we are putting a foot to their path."
Leigh nodded; it made sense.
"I'm a teacher. I wouldn't be a teacher unless I believed in courage and discipline."
"Very well," Kohkom relaxed suddenly and smiled. "Continue drinking the tea, that is good. I will come to your home if you allow and smudge it to clear the spirits. We will walk this path together, you and I." She pushed herself to her feet. "Anna has told me you are interested in breakfasts, so perhaps you will join me in mine?"
"I would love to," Leigh said.
Kohkom led the way to the trailer and let Leigh in the door. It immediately felt like home. Leigh realized with a start, it was an identical floor plan to the one where she and Jim lived. She sat at the kitchen table while Anna helped her kohkom cook bannock and make coffee. She set a bowl of jam on the table.
Leigh couldn't remember when she had enjoyed a breakfast as much. Anna chattered about school and learning about the oceans and reading the Memoire.
"Anna has been reading the book to me." Kohkom refilled Leigh's coffee. "I remember the trapper and his little girls."
"I thought Marc just had one daughter," Leigh said, "I don't remember Fran ever mentioning a sister."
"Perhaps an old woman's memory is playing tricks," Kohkom said and Anna changed the subject.
"Perhaps you could help me, Kohkom," Leigh said when the last crumb of bannock was gone. She explained about the adult literacy program she wanted to start. "...but I'm afraid that I have wrecked my chances. I challenged their pride and I think I've lost them."
"Pride is a heavy burden," Kohkom said, "not easily laid down. Yet there are deeper scars too. Too many of that generation only heard stories of pain from their parents and grandparents. Your schools half destroyed us. They fear what may finish the work."
"How do I convince them that I don't want to take away their culture? I just want to help."
"You can't. They must convince themselves. As for helping, are you helping them, or yourself?"
The heat of anger traveled up her neck at the old woman's challenge but she forced it away. If she were going to be a part of this community, she'd need to hear from the people who felt like aliens in their own land.
Kohkom nodded, but didn't say anything more. Soon after, Anna walked Leigh back to her trailer.
"The old people tell stories about the schools," Anna said as they walked. "Sometimes they still cry when they tell them. Are they just stories or are they history?"
"They are history," Leigh said, "But we aren't doing very well at learning from it."
"Don't worry." Anna led the way to Leigh's trailer. "Kohkom is hard on everyone,"
"So she should be." Leigh unlocked her door. "The first part of an education is learning to think."
Anna didn't look sure, but she nodded and left Leigh at her door. Leigh put the extra tea that Kohkom had given her in the cupboard. Then she went into the living room to think.
What was she gaining from running this literacy program? The admiration of the other teachers for a start. Doing it her way also would make her life easier. It wouldn't be such a sacrifice either. She'd be able to get home earlier. It also meant that she was in control handing out the precious gift of literacy. It wasn't hers to give away or to keep.
What did she want? Maybe she needed, not a price for the teaching but an exchange. What better way to ease the pain of learning than by sharing the pain?
She would ask her learners to teach her what they knew. Whatever they choose to teach. It felt right. Leigh thought it would work, but there was only one way to find out.
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