章節 50: Happy Birthday
August 24th
Jordan's POV
She's so perfect. She's been asleep for over an hour and all I can do is sit and watch her. With a gentle kiss on her forehead I leave the bedroom to go finish cleaning the kitchen and living room.
I leave the kitchen light on as I clean. It's a fairly dim light when the rest of the apartment is dark, but I can still see all the balloons resting on the floor. I pack up the last of the cake and put it in the fridge.
Seeing how she reacted to her party, I wonder how long it's been since she celebrated her birthday. She cried when she came home from work and saw everyone here. Maria came, so did Mr. Marsh, Tony, Zach, Andy, Mark, and Levi. Her dad bought the cake and we decorated while she was gone. She didn't know I even knew when her birthday was, I had to ask her dad. My mom helped her plan a surprise for me late last month so there was no way I wasn't going to find out her birthday and do the same for her.
The Stom's sent her a very nice present, a dark blue, knit blanket that she's currently cocooned in. Everyone got her stuff, books, candy, movies. She looked insanely overwhelmed but her smile never wavered.
I run our little dishwasher and make my way back to the bedroom. My feet are cold on the hardwood floors but I don't mind. Standing in the doorway I see she hasn't budged, she's still the same sleepy ball she was ten minutes ago.
I watch her foot twitch, small, frightened squeaks escape her. Rushing over to the bed I pull her close.
"Shh, it's ok," I whisper, hoping to chase away the nightmares, "You're safe, I'm here, no one can hurt you."
She takes a few shakey breaths before settling to sleep again. She's been having nightmares about Dominic since she left the hospital in February. Her therapist says it's a part of healing and accepting her trauma but all I see is her still suffering. Even when that asshole is in jail he's making her suffer.
When she's calmed down again I pull away from her to open my nightstand drawer. I pull out the cursed envelope I've been hiding all week. Dominic sent her a letter from jail, I've been wondering if I should give it to her. That bastard has hurt her enough, I don't want whatever is in this envelope to undo all her progress.
Glancing back at the clock I see it's almost midnight. I have to be up in four hours, I got left with opening the café tomorrow so I have to be there no later than five, on the bright side Rhea will be there at seven. The Barnes and Noble next to the café was hiring and she was able to get the job. Ever since what happened with Dominic I've been scared to let her out of my sight. I let her down once, and I won't do it again.
I feel her stir next to me, her big grey eyes fluttering open to look at me.
"What are you still doing up?" She yawns and wraps her arms around my bare torso.
"Cleaning up, couldn't sleep," I run my hands up her arm carefully, "How are you doing?"
"Still tired, a little hungry. I don't really want to go to work or group tomorrow. Can we just stay in bed all day?"
Her rosy lips form a little pout that makes me melt, "I wish baby, but we have to work. Maybe after group we'll get ice cream or something, ok?"
She nods. Group therapy is getting harder for her, every time someone new comes they try to make her share. From what I understand she's one of the only people in group who pressed charges against their abuser and actually won the case, they want her to talk and prove it can happen while she just wants to move on.
"What's that?" She asks glancing at my lap, I never put the mail away.
I hurry to shove it back in my nightstand, "Just some junk mail. We'll worry about it tomorrow ok?"
"Ok," She pulls me close and I can feel her voice brush over my lips.
Her lips are soft and sweet, I could kiss her forever. Her body relaxes against mine, and I feel an intense need for more run through me. Sliding closer, I pull her on top of me. We haven't done anything since Dominic, so I be sure to take it slow and be aware if she wants to stop.
Her hands run over my chest and up into my hair before she rests her head in the crook of my neck. I grumble when a certain friend between my legs starts throbbing.
"I'm sorry," She whispers.
"Why are you sorry?"
Her voice shakes, "I know it's getting hard, not doing anything. I'm trying I really am, I'm just-"
"Stop," I wrap my arms around her, "You didn't do anything wrong. You know I'll wait as long as you want. This is an uphill battle, you went through hell. Yeah I miss sex, but I'd rather you be comfortable."
She nods and snuggles in tighter, "Can I stay like this?"
"Absolutely," I kiss the top of her head and pull the blanket over us. She's a warm little ball of comfort as she lays on my chest and I slowly feel her drift back to sleep.
She talks in her sleep, mumbles and sings and giggles. Every little sound is like heaven to me, I watch her mouth hang open and her body totally relax against me. Gently I reach my hand up and brush my thumb over the scar on her cheek, I can't stop looking at it. I can't sleep most nights because my brain is consumed with thoughts and images of the nightmare she was living after I left her. How many times had he hit her? How didn't I see it before? That day in science class all those months ago when I tried to give her my jacket, she said I would get her in trouble. Only now do I realize she meant Dominic, he would hurt her if he saw us together.
Pushing that from my mind, I carefully roll her off of me and tuck her in. I need to think. Stepping into our living room I sit at my desk and pull up Facebook.
Zach is on thankfully. I didn't like him and his group at first, but when I saw how they cared for and protected Rhea I gave them a chance and we've all gotten close. I quickly send him a message.
"I need your help"
He's quick to reply, "What's up man? Rhea ok?"
"Yeah, for now. Dominic sent her a letter... I don't know if I should give it to her."
"Dude, what the hell does he want? Throw that shit away, she doesn't need to take his crap anymore!"
He's not wrong, "But shouldn't it be up to her if she wants to read it? Plus how the hell did he get this address, it wasn't forwarded, it was sent here."
"Look man, I don't know. I can do some digging, poke around but I don't know what to tell you. Yeah Rhea deserves the choice, but I don't think any of us want to see her get hurt again. You know?"
"Yeah... Thanks man, do your poking, let me know what you find, I need to sleep a little bit at least. Talk to you later."
I log out and sit at my desk thinking. Glancing in the direction of the bedroom I debate what to do. I try to figure out how to handle the situation. Would she even want to open it? Would she get scared knowing he knows where to find her?
Needing to think about something else, I look over my work schedule again. Ever since I got Rhea her laptop, she's been all over schedules and planning, I think it's adorable. I open our Google Calendar and see all our work shifts posted, her therapy appointments, group sessions, when he dad visits are planned, when he's supposed to go to AA meetings and when he's supposed to shop. Rhea and I have Saturday off, but her dad will be here and she has group that night, so I can't give her the letter then. I leave way before her in the morning, I could leave it on the table and let her decide.
"What are you doing?" I jump at the sound of her voice, turning I see her wearing my shirt from earlier and no pants as she wraps her blanket around herself.
"Looking at what's going on this week, maybe we could go do something," I try to play it off as she comes and sits in my lap, "You should be sleeping."
"So should you," She runs her hand through my hair, a tired smile playing at her tempting lips.
"I know, I'm sorry. I just can't seem to get to sleep," I wrap my arms around her waist and watch a sad look come over her.
"Is it because you're... Pent up?"
She looks down at the floor and I sigh, "No it isn't that."
"Was it something I did?"
I kiss her cheek gently, "Not at all. I've just got a lot on my mind tonight, that's all. What's going on? You alright?"
"Just a weird day I guess, I've been feeling off all day," She starts pulling on her fingers, I haven't seen her do that in months.
"What kind of off feeling?" I take her hand to stop her pulling, rubbing small circles on her knuckles instead.
"Just, like something is going to happen. Like I've done something wrong, this guy in group last week was talking about how he felt the abuse was his fault, and I know it's not true but I started thinking more and it's hard to not feel like it's your fault and that you deserve it."
It breaks my heart hearing this, I hate watching her fall down that rabbit hole, "Babe none of what happened is your fault. You couldn't control your father's drinking and you could only do so much with Dominic. None of it is your fault," I pull her into a kiss, feeling her shaking hands wrap around mine, "Come on. Let's get you back to bed."
I put my arm under her legs and behind her back as I lift her and carry her back to bed. I let her get comfortable, resting her head on my chest as she falls back asleep. I stay awake and ponder what to do with that letter, especially given what she just told me.
Running my fingertips up and down her arm, I stay awake until my alarm goes off. Today is going to be shit but I don't care. I carefully crawl out of her hold and go into the kitchen.
Rhea's organization and planning comes in handy, because I open the fridge and everything is so neat and easy to find. I whip up some sunny side up eggs with bacon and toast before I grab my work clothes and hop in the shower.
I'm about to head out the door when I remember the letter. I know she'll be up in a couple hours so I quickly grab the letter and write a note next to it.
"This came for you... If you want to open it that's fine, if not I'll throw it away. Just know no matter what you choose, no matter what's in here, no matter what happens, I'm here for you. I'll never walk away again, I love you!"
I put them on her nightstand and give her one last kiss on the head before I leave. The entire time thinking about my promise to her, I mean it, I never plan to leave her again. I want to be with her until the end of days, I want to be with her until she's sick of me. The more I think about it, the more clear it becomes to me... I want to marry her, I want to put a nice ring on her finger and call her mine forever...
And I'm going to fucking do it!
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