章節 41: I’m not a monster, I'm a liar

Alyssa at her mother's chamber, sitting at the round table.

The attendants and the guards were dismissed by her Queen mother---whatever they were to talk about, only the two of them would be able to hear.

"Are you a zombie?" Alyssa went straight to what she wanted to know. "Is everybody a zombie?"

'Please say no.' Alyssa was wishing everything were not true. 'Please say no.'

"Of course not, my love." Queen Kathy clasped the hand of her daughter, comforting her. "Is that what Emil said to you?" She inched closer to her daughter. "What Emil did is against the law." She said more to herself.

Alyssa removed her hand away from her mother. "If anything happens to Duke Emil," She glared at her mother. "I won't forgive you."

Queen Kathy revered back onto her chair. "But what he did was against the law, my love." She put a hand on her chest. "Other royals would not be happy if he walks out unpunished."

"It was me." Alyssa said, determined. "I asked him to."

"But—"

"All he did was to follow my instruction." Alyssa said before her mother could protest.

Queen Kathy exhaled. "Okay, if that's what you want." She tapped her fingers on the table. "Emil will not be harmed."

"It is unfair for him to be punished… he only helped me discover the truth."

"The truth," Queen Kathy looked at the distance. "is much complicated that it seems."

"Then tell me," Alyssa looked at her mother. "tell me everything."

"You should have known all of these after your ceremony." Queen Kathy pressed a hand on her forehead. "The timing is a mess."

"Tell me now, mother."

"If that's what you want, my love." Queen Kathy reached for her daughter's cheeks, holding Alyssa between her palms. "I will tell you everything."

Alyssa turned to the side, deflecting the touch of her mother.

"Everything began eighteen years ago, where humans were close to extinction… everybody was turning into a zombie." Queen Kathy looked at the distance. "People were walking on the streets, their reasoning gone. I knew I had to do something. I had to save our race. I have to save you… you were just born then." Queen Kathy stood up from her seat. "I discovered the vaccine, I helped preserve humanity… but not without a price." She was pacing back and forth in her room. "Being cured from any illness, being immortal has its own consequences." She turned her back to her daughter. "Our… appetite had greatly changed…we had to…consume brains…human brains to survive."

"No," Alyssa winced at her mother's words. "tell me it's not true."

"You have to understand, my love." Queen Kathy walked back beside Alyssa, holding her daughter's warm hands with hers. "We did not want to, we had to." She emphasized the last three words.

"You kill humans for meat. Humans are nothing but food to you." Alyssa said, accusing her mother. "Humans…just like me." She whispered.

"No, you don't understand." Queen Kathy sat back into her seat beside Alyssa. "We never killed anybody just to satisfy our… appetite."

"Then how?" Alyssa looked straight to her mother. "Where else do you get them?"

"There are places like the morgue and hospitals…" Queen Kathy crossed her arms on her chest. "We only harvests those that are already dead."

"Is that the only way you can survive?" Alyssa said in a low voice. "Is there no other way?"

"Yes, my love." Queen Kathy caressed her daughter's check. "You will understand better after your ceremony."

"Will I?" Alyssa was unsure about herself.

Alyssa cannot imagine herself eating…human brains. She after all, ate a pig at one time and hauled her stomach out for over an hour…what more else if it was part of a human?

Even before her ceremony, she was already a failure as a royal.

"You will," Queen Kathy smiled to her daughter, reassuring her. "There are things you still don't know…"

Alyssa's eyes widened from her mother's confession.

"…and I will show everything to you, one at a time. Maybe Emil is right, you have to know… you will rule this kingdom beside me after all." Queen Kathy smiled. "Forever."

***

Alyssa walked back to her room, her mind wandering elsewhere. She took a shower, not realizing that she was scrubbing her skin for the third time. Afterwards, she lied on her bed, wrapping herself with a banket, in an attempt to comfort herself from what she found out.

Can she blame her mother for wanting to survive?

There was a buried thought whispering into Alyssa's consciousness. Deep inside, she was thankful that her mother did what was needed to be done in order to survive, Alyssa would not be able to live without her mother.

Can she accept herself of what she will become?

It was after the one thing she wanted the most--- to be a full-fledged royal.

The ceremony, can she push through it? Does she even have a choice?

Every royal had been through it one way or another. It was sort of their name day, to formally have their rightful title, and to Alyssa--- it would be like her coronation.

The door creaked opened as cold wind rushed at the side of the bed.

Alyssa knew who it was.

"Where were you?" Alyssa asked the darkness without looking who it was. "You knew, and you did not tell me."

"I told you not to trust me." Ziloh said in the dark, standing at the bedside table. "You were warned."

"Kiva, mother, and you…everybody lied to me."

"When will you learn?" Ziloh exhaled. "The only person you can trust in here is yourself."

"Why?" Alyssa pulled the blanket closer to her. "I just want to be like everybody."

"There are times where wanting to be someone else is a sin." Ziloh said, as if talking from experience.

"If I have to be a monster, then so be it."

"I know you will if you have to, I have no doubt about that…but don't be so sure of yourself." Ziloh shifted his weight. "You don't even know the half of the truth."

"There are things I still don't know?" Alyssa sat back on her bed.

"Yes, filthy truths."

"Tell me everything." Alyssa could hear Ziloh walking away. "I can handle it." She said hurriedly.

"You have to find it for yourself."

"Wait! Where are you going." Alyssa reached out her hand, as if to reach out for Ziloh.

"Let's make a deal," Ziloh's voice was farther than earlier. "Find out the truth, and if you want to be out of here, tell me and we can go somewhere away."

"Where will we go?"

"Somewhere where you and I can be ourselves."

"But our home is here." Alyssa countered.

"Home?" Ziloh snickered. "All you ever knew all of your life was this palace… You might have misunderstood what home really means." Ziloh walked farther away from Alyssa. "Goodnight, my queen."

"Ziloh! Where are going?" Alyssa crawled at the edge of her bed. "Don't leave me."

A strong wind passed through her as the door closed, signifying that Ziloh was already gone.

***

Eli woke her up just like any other day.

Alyssa rose to her bed with less struggle compared to other days, her face was not puffy from sleep--- if she even slept that is.

Alyssa proceeded to the mess patio, she observed the royals with different eyes--- remembering what she found out the night before, knowing that it will happen tonight again.

Duke Emil sat beside her. "So…" he was careful in forming his words. "did you sleep well?"

"I'm fine," Alyssa smiled weakly to Duke Emil, they were receiving glances from the other royals. "Thank you for showing me, I needed to know that. "Alyssa waved to her mother on the other table, Queen Kathy waved back. "Don't worry, you won't be punished… I will make sure of that."

"Princess Alyssa, you might have misunderstood something." Duke Emil pressed a hand on her shoulder. "I am a duke of this kingdom. I will be put down that easily… I knew the consequences of what I did yesterday, and I can take care of myself."

"If you say so," Alyssa was relieved to hear that. "Then I trust you to take care of yourself." She smiled.

"So…" Duke Emil pondered for a moment, hesitating to ask. "Are you going to continue your ceremony?"

"Maybe, I don't know." Alyssa answered honestly. "But I think I need to review our history."

"Is that so? Just tell me if I can help you with anything." Duke Emil was a little disappointed. Deep inside, he wanted to make sure that Alyssa will not proceed with the ceremony. He did not want her to repeat the same mistake he did. "And remember, you don't have to do something against your will."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Uhmm, can I sit he-here?" Kiva asked, not really looking at Alyssa. "Is this se-seat taken?" She pointed at the empty seat next to Alyssa. If staring could burn, the chair would have been on fire by now.

"No." Alyssa replied.

"Oh, o-o-kay." Kiva was startled from harsh the reply, even though she already expected it. "I'll just seat so-somewhere."

"No, the seat is not taken." Alyssa clarified.

"Oh," Kiva relaxed, finally staling a glance at Alyssa. "Thank you." She sat on the empty seat.

The mess hall was alive with conversations except for the three---Duke Emil, Alyssa, and Kiva was eating their brunch silently.

Kiva was sealing a glance sideways, observing if Alyssa was still angry at her, making her eat much slower than normal.

Alyssa was eating peacefully, unconcerned. She ate the last spoonful of her Caesar salad and put down her spoon with a thud.

As if hearing her final judgement, Kiva was startled from the sound.

Alyssa stood up from her seat, walking towards her personal attendant.

"Apologize to her," Duke Emil said advised Kiva when Alyssa was already at the distance. "and do not ever hide anything from her again if she really matters to you. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship."

Kiva nodded with determination, she gulped down her food in a minute and followed Alyssa far behind.

***

Elion kept on glancing behind his back.

'Should I pretend I can't see her?' Elion thought to himself, he was walking closely behind from the princess.

Kiva was following them when they exited the mess patio. She was walking with heavy feet, hiding from the columns--- with half of her body exposed.

"Just ignore her." Alyssa instructed.

Elion looked up straight ahead, deciding not to glance back.

Alyssa stopped on her tracks, making Elion to stop abruptly too, making Kiva bumped her head on his back.

"So-so-sorry." Kiva said, panicking. "I'm just…" She was hiding behind Elion's back, peeking at Alyssa with her two puppy eyes.

Elion tried to move at the side, trying to waggle Kiva away. But Kiva was clutching on his shirt tight--- making Elion a wall between Kiva and Alyssa.

Elion blinked in the middle of the royals, trying to be as inanimate as possible--- pretending not to be there.

"Are you saying something?" Alyssa crossed her hand on her chest.

"No-nothing." Kiva clutched behind Elion's back.

"No?" Alyssa continued to walk on the hallway, turning her back to Kiva.

Elion was about to follow the princess, but Kiva held him on the place.

"Wait!" Kiva revealed herself and walked in front of Elion. "I want to apo-po-logize from la-last-night."

'Last night.' Elion missed something important here, something must have happened after the curfew.

"It's fine, I don't have a best friend…" Alyssa's face was blank of emotion.

"Noooo…" Kiva sniffed her nose. "I'm your bessst frieeeenddd."

"Really?" Alyssa inclined her head to the side. "But you kept on avoiding me."

"I…" Kiva slowly walked toward Alyssa, keeping her head down. "I don't want you to know that I'm, I'm a monster!" Kiva ran to Alyssa. "I'm sorry! Waaaaaah!!"

Alyssa embraced her best friend.

"See, I knew you won't talk to me again if you find out I'm a monster." Kiva babbled out. "You hate me! Wahhhhhhh!"

"Kiva?" Alyssa caressed the back of Kiva's head.

"Uh hum?" Kiva gazed at Alyssa, blinking.

"Who said I hate monsters?"