章節 32: He Wanted To Live
Alex had taken what Claire said the day before very seriously. He wanted to understand it all more fully so he spent most of last night looking things up about facial expressions, body language, and compassion/sympathy.
So when she was obviously upset about the car bomb incident he wanted to make her feel better. A sort of heaviness filled his chest when she said she needed to be alone when they got back to her house. He had wanted them to do something fun again today after spending so many hours repetitively patrolling the area around her workplace.
It took him a while to figure out why she was acting like this but then he remembered how freaked out she had been by the car bomb. She had barely been in control enough to remember to call the police.
Claire was afraid again. It didn't seem to be of Alex this time, which was good, but he still didn't like it. He far preferred her when she was happy.
His research the night before mentioned that bringing someone a small gift to show you were thinking about them was a good way to show sympathy. That was how he ended up bringing her a cookie.
She seemed to appreciate it. And the hug, which lasted much longer than the one she gave him the day before even though she trembled the entire time. This incident had bothered her more than she was willing to say.
So when she asked him not to leave so she could fall asleep he had no reason to say no. He had been playing a game on his phone downstairs anyway; it made no difference if he did it up here or down there.
Alex was on his second play-through of Plants vs Zombies because he wanted to unlock everything without buying coins. Claire had told him not to spend any money on phone games and he was taking her advice seriously.
It was more difficult than the first run-through had been. He even had to try a few levels over again because he got eaten by zombies the first time.
He liked being able to unlock all of the mini games though so he persisted. Those were pretty fun. Out of all of the games Claire introduced him to so far, this might be his favorite. He was working his way through earning as many badges as possible too because he wanted to beat the entire game.
He enjoyed playing a game until there was nothing left to accomplish. Then he moved onto the next one. It wasn't a matter of getting bored with them as much as it was feeling that his mission was complete and that it was time to move on.
Alex had played seven straight games of Yahtzee with Claire without getting bored because her reactions to the rolls she got stuck with were amusing. He was used to focusing on one thing for long stretches of time.
Playing his game was a decent distraction but he couldn't completely stop himself from wondering what would be thrown at the two of them next. He was confident he could handle just about anything but after seeing Claire today…she probably couldn't take another scare.
He didn't want her to be scared of anything anymore, not only him. He wanted to see her laugh and smile and for them to keep having fun together as she taught him how to survive in the outside world.
All his life Alex had been taught to take things one day at a time but now he found himself wondering what would come after. When this was all done…when he had no reason to be around Claire anymore…would they still be friends?
What could he even do with his life that wasn't related to killing? His skill set was fairly specific.
He couldn't depend on her forever. Her salary wasn't that high and her savings were already dwindling because of the security measures they put into place. He had heard her mumbling to herself about finances the day the bulletproof window installer came.
Eventually Alex would need to find his own place to live and some sort of job. He didn't even know where to start with anything like that. Claire did but he didn't want to ask her until after she was out of danger; she already had too many things to worry about.
She turned over to face him in her sleep, whimpering with a strained expression on her face. Was she having a bad dream? He didn't dream personally but he had heard about them.
He followed the advice of one of the articles about showing sympathy he read yesterday and patted her shoulder. "There, there. It's okay. You're okay."
Alex wasn't sure why those were the appropriate words to say but they seemed to be effective. Claire's expression slackened and she slept peacefully like before. He would have to remember that method in the future.
Whatever happened next, he hoped it didn't involve another car bomb. That had clearly been too much for Claire to handle.
What would they try next? Another group attack? Sniping through the pharmacy window? He had to be prepared for any contingency, preferably being able to take care of things without her having to see it again.
Goons from other organizations were less concerning to Alex than the thought of the Agency sending an elite squad. He could take down most of the Numbers simultaneously but if they sent too many people at once…
No. Alex couldn't think like that. He was prepared. He had promised that he would die defending Claire if necessary but he had no intention of dying so easily.
He wanted to live. He was experienced enough that he should be able to manipulate any situation so they were both able to live. Worrying about it wouldn't do anything. At the very least he could understand why the Agency had trained that particular emotion out of him. It was incredibly inconvenient.
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