章節 29: I Am Happy
Alex was grateful for such small, simple things that should be normal for a person his age. Yet he had never experienced them before crossing paths with Claire. No wonder he had wanted to leave his agency.
That did raise the question of why the others didn't though. People, even brainwashed ones, weren't robots. They were still human at their core.
Why hadn't anyone else defied orders and run away? And why hadn't poor Alex done it sooner? Claire didn't bother to ask him because he probably didn't know the answer. There wouldn't be a point.
She felt sorry for all of those people too. Having spent more time with him, she realized that Alex wasn't a bad person. He had been a victim of a rather bizarre and terrible set of circumstances. If anyone other than a hitman organization had picked him up as an infant, she was certain he would have been a good guy.
He still had potential. Given the right guidance, she was sure he could become one. It wouldn't erase what he had done but his only option was to move forward and try to be better. There was no changing the past.
If Claire taught him properly, she was sure he could be a nice person. He was already showing signs of being considerate toward her. Determination flared within her to steer her strange new friend straight.
Alex was so pitiful and he didn't even realize it himself. She wanted to hug him but wasn't sure if he had ever been hugged in his entire life. That made her sad and her desire to hug him grew stronger.
No one should have to go their entire lives without being loved. He didn't even know what the word meant.
Claire had felt stirrings of pity for him before but never fully gave into them because he was too scary. Since that issue was pretty much out of the way now it threatened to overwhelm her. His life was so sad she was tempted to cry on his behalf since he probably didn't know how.
"Can I hug you?" she sniffled.
"Why?" At least Alex knew what hugging was because of TV. He didn't ask her "what" this time.
"It's something people do to show sympathy."
"Oh. Okay."
Claire wrapped her arms around him. Her head only came up to his chest. He didn't seem to know what to do with his arms either so he stood there frozen for about ten seconds before hesitantly returning the hug.
"This feels strange," Alex admitted.
She pulled away slightly. "I'm sorry, do you want me to stop?"
"No. It's strange but kind of nice at the same time. I am not used to being touched unless someone is attempting to pin me to the ground in a headlock. Are these used solely to express sympathy?"
Claire returned to her original position and shook her head. "They're used for a variety of reasons. If you've been separated from a friend or family member for a while and are happy to see them, you can hug them. Or at random to show your affection. Hugs are something you do with the people you care about. You don't do them with everyone; that would be weird."
"I see," Alex said in an unfathomable tone. "Am I safe to assume you care about me then?"
She flushed. He put it so bluntly!
She was quick to defend herself because that definitely wasn't the case. "I'm doing this because I feel sorry for you. Like I said, one of the uses is expressing sympathy. Hearing about your life before makes me sad for you. I do care but it's in a generic way…I'm not explaining this very well, am I?"
"No you are not."
Claire sighed and tried again. "Most people have this thing called 'compassion' that makes them care about other people's sad situations on a large scale even if they don't know the person intimately.
"Like…um…if you see a sad video online about little kids with cancer you automatically want them to be healthy. Hearing something sad automatically makes you want to fix it. That's compassion. You're my friend so I want you to be happy."
Alex pulled away so he could look her in the eyes and very seriously said, "I am happy. I know what that feels like now."
All she could do was blink at him. When did he figure out what that meant? She recovered her wits enough to ask. "Really? When did you learn that?"
"Today. I was happy when we made cookies and you smiled at me without being scared. Then when you put a lot of effort into picking a name I would like. And when we played Yahtzee together…even though you didn't seem very happy about losing."
Wow. He was full of surprises today, wasn't he?
He was as blunt as usual, to the point of totally embarrassing her, but it seemed like Alex actually understood what happiness meant on a basic level. That wasn't something she thought he would have been capable of. Pride swelled in her chest once again. She felt like a mother bird watching a baby learn to fly.
"You got it right! Those are things worth being happy about," Claire informed him with a smile.
He nodded and a very small smile of his own appeared on his face. She had only seen him do this once before but that time it was more of a smirk. This one was much more genuine because he was doing it out of happiness.
She held up her hand for a high five. "You did a good job understanding what happiness was so give me a high five. It's what people do to celebrate a victory but it can also be used as a greeting. You gently slap your hand against mine."
Alex concentrated intensely and tapped her hand so lightly she hardly felt it. Was he afraid of breaking her? That would make sense because he totally could. Easily.
They could work on high fiving later. For now she was just happy that this emotionless stone statue was finally coming to life.
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