章節 18: Chapter eighteen: I lost everything because of you!
~~~ Here I am, standing close to you and it's still so far away. So many times, I tried to say but my heart was afraid. Look at you is all that I can do, like a silly girl I stare. 'Coz you might leave me when I reveal what my heart is really feeling. If I could just say the words, all the secrets in my heart and in my soul you'll hear. Will you take me in your arms or let me go?
-Juris Fernandez-
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"Sam? What the hell are you doing here? Why aren't you at home?" Jack's eyes widened in surprise when she found me standing right outside her apartment.
I smiled and walked past her to the living room.
"I want to sleep here," I said resting my tired body on the couch.
"What do you mean you want to sleep here? And what have you been doing all day that you didn't answer my calls?" She asked crossing her arms over her chest as she sat down across my seat.
"Well, I'm sorry because I had a date and I didn't notice that you called all day."
"Haha... date your face!" I chuckled when she rolled her eyes.
"I'm just kidding. Well, the truth is that I had lunch with Dean earlier and he accompanied me to buy some maternity dress."
"Dean?" She asked and I nodded. "As in Dean Scott from school?"
"Yup." I nodded again and started telling her about what happened last night when I talked to my husband, when I woke up this morning and found him gone and when Dean and I met at the parking lot of hospital.
"Are you serious? Dean Scott really accompanied you to buy a maternity dress? Jeez! He's not the father of your baby. Isn't it awkward?"
"Well, he insisted on coming with me after lunch, so who am I to deny?" I winked at her.
"Okay..." She said nodding. "Anyway, what happened to your checkup? Did you find out the baby's gender?"
"Uhuh! It's a girl, Jack!" And we both squealed in excitement.
"Oh, my God! Congratulations, Sam!" She immediately stood up to hug me.
"Thank you. And you know what, I'm thinking of naming her after my mom and Luke's mother, Cassandra Lizeth and Cali for short, what do you think?"
"Wow! I like that name, girl. Cali... so sweet." I blinked back the tears that formed around my eyes when she hugged me again. But I immediately pushed her when I felt my stomach crumbling inside. "Wait, do you have something to eat?"
Her eyebrows scrunched as she sat back on the couch. "Don't tell me you haven't eaten yet?"
I shake my head that made her sigh. "Haist! Fine, you stay here and I'll just prepare some dinner for you and for baby Cali."
I winked at her after mentioning the word 'thank you' but she simply rolled her eyes on me. I leaned on the couch as I waited for her to prepare dinner for me. And suddenly, my mind flew back to where my husband is... what is he doing and who's with him?
"Here's your dinner, princess Samantha."
I smiled and tried to shake the thoughts about my husband. She put the tray of spaghetti and meatballs on top of the center table.
"Sam?"
I took my first bite of meatballs before glancing at her. "Hmm?"
"Did Luke know that you're going to sleep here?"
I raised my palm in front of her as a sign of 'wait' and she waited until I swallowed what I have in my mouth. My goodness! Will she ever let me eat?
"Don't worry about him, he wouldn't notice that I wasn't at home tonight. And I'm sure that even if left for a week or for the whole month, he still wouldn't notice it. If he did---huh! I'm telling you, he's the first to celebrate."
"Haist! Don't think of such a thing. He will definitely find you when you're gone because you're having his daughter."
I couldn't help laughing sarcastically at her but I just chose remained quiet. 'I don't think so.' That's what I thought.
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And I was right. He didn't notice that I wasn't home all night, because he hadn't come home that night.
I was waiting for him, hoping he would come home the next day or night, but he didn't. I was so excited to tell him our baby's gender and somehow deep inside me, I was hoping he could find even a little part of me in his heart.
But two days had passed and those two became one week and then became 1 week and three days and he didn't show up. I felt so worried as I had no idea where he was and what was going on with him. I tried to call him, but he didn't even once pick up my call. I really wanted to call Dale or ask my in-laws about him but I refrained myself, instead, I kept waiting for his calls, hoping to receive even a single message, but I received nothing.
And then one morning I was surprised when I woke up and saw him opening the entrance door. I tried to call him but he just ignored me, so I ran and followed him to the garage. He has a travel bag in his hand and I saw how he threw it on the passenger side.
I was still catching my breath when I reached him and called his name before he could open the door to the driver seat.
"What do you want, Samantha?" He said, a deep frown automatically showed on his forehead just by seeing me.
"Where have you been?" The first question that slipped through my lips instead of surprising him of our baby's gender.
"Why do you care? Didn't I told you to never ask anything about my personal life?"
"But I wasn't asking you about your personal life, I was just asking if where you had been? You've been gone for over a week and I have been so worried about you---"
"Well, nobody told you to feel worried about me! And you're not my mother so I don't owe you an explanation!"
Although I was stunned by his response, I pretended not to be affected and looked him in the eye.
"I know I'm not your mother, but don't forget that I am your wife!"
"Huh!" He grinned and within seconds, that grin turned into a sarcastic laugh. He took steps towards me and stopped when he's only a few inches away from me. "Oh, yeah? Well, let me just remind you, sweetheart, that our marriage is only in papers so I have no obligations with you except do be the father of my child."
"Really? And do you think with what you were doing, you're fulfilling your obligations as a father?"
"So what do you want? You want me to stay here, serve your food, wash your clothes, wash your feet---"
"And if I say yes?"
"Then you're dreaming! I couldn't even spend an hour with you, what else if I stayed at home all day and saw nothing but your face?"
That's it. Those words were new to the list of hurtful words I received from him. And I don't know how long I'll be able to stand in front of him without my tears falling, but I still keep talking.
"Why? Why can't you even consider this face as the face of your daughter's mother?" I didn't miss the way his expression softened but knowing Luke Marcuz, he immediately masked it.
"You wanna know the truth, huh? Well, listen here, Samantha and I'll tell you the fucking truth! First of all, how could I consider looking at that face when every time I see it, it gives me unending nightmares? I lost everything because of you! My life, my dreams, my three-year relationship! I lost her because of you! I did everything to make her happy and to make her stay but because of the fucking shit that you did, all of a sudden everything disappeared in front of me! Now answer me, how would I look into your face if you only remind me of my damn fucking decision of choosing your child instead of her? Goddamit! Marrying you was the greatest sin I have ever done!"
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