章節 8: Naruto (1)
Now, I knew I should probably do something about the very silly match in front of me, if only because the two participants were dragging it out more than necessary. But honestly? Watching them was just too funny.
That was why I took a seat on one of the chairs someone brought there and accepted the bowl of freshly made popcorn offered to me by Minato and Tsuna. I wasn't the only one, though from both sight and smell I could tell Killua added a lot of sugary content to his own bowl. "Aren't you afraid of caries?" I asked him.
"I'm already dead, so who cares?" He answered before picking up another lump of popcorn and tossing it into his mouth. "It's just butter, golden syrup and brown sugar anyway."
"That's food for children and you're an old man."
"Again, what's your point?"
I shook my head in amusement and went back to watch Laharl and Sasuke's match. Old age or not, it was clear Killua retained many of the traits he manifested during the anime, when he was only twelve. Not surprising since he was forced to grow up very fast due to his background, though I couldn't shake the feeling he was doing it just to fuck with me.
====
"Rock beats scissor! I won!" Sasuke declared with the smuggest, shit-eating grin I have ever seen him produce.
Trembling from unspeakable rage Laharl stared at his closed right hand with a look of supreme betrayal, as if his own limb first committed treason against the Overlord and then mooned him once the deed was done. "Impossible!" The demon bellowed, his hair antenna shooting straight up. "I, the great Laharl, lost?! Preposterous! I demand a rematch!"
"Sure, but with a new bet. After all, why risk to lose something that's already mine?" Sasuke countered.
"Gaaah! Know your place peon!"
"Hey Pervert, your turn. Keep Idiot Hair busy until he calms down." Ranma nonchalantly commented before grabbing Issei and tossing him at Laharl with such speed neither of them could react in time. Then he put both hands around his mouth. "Oh great and mighty Laharl! Issei here says he's stronger than you!"
"That's a lie! A lie! Help me I've been framed!" Issei desperately shrieked before a furious Laharl was upon him.
"...Did you really need to do that?" I asked while looking at the martial artist with a deadpan expression.
"Nope." He pulled out his tongue. "But it's faster this way."
A pillar crashed down next to the line of chairs, its surface half-melted.
"I have my doubts."
"Let the idiots squabble if they want, we have something more serious to handle." Sasuke urged us before waking towards his own door.
I looked at the others and shrugged, trying to wordlessly convey how such things were beyond my ability to influence. I could set up basic rules for the good of the group as a whole, but I couldn't make them be someone they were not. "Go ahead, I need to check up something in the real world first. I'll catch up with you once I'm done."
With a mental command I left my inner world and returned to the real one, finding myself once again seated at the desk within my room. After Lala kicked Ghi Bree out of the planet we began searching for the real Sasuga, and eventually found him tied-up and gagged inside a closet of his own home. The poor guy was very happy to see us, and didn't even question us when we told him the fake made a false step and was discovered before running away. He chastised us in a lighthearted manner, saying the next time we should inform the school immediately instead of investigating ourselves, and then sent us home after confirming none of us has clubs to attend. A mundane conclusion to a bizarre case, but I saw no reason to complain about it.
Looking at the clock I saw there were two hours left before dinner, which was plenty of time to perform a quick dimensional jump. Right now I was alone, and since I told both Mikan and Lala I had a lot of homeworks to do - which was true, I just didn't mention I can do them much faster than the average high schooler - it was unlikely I would get disturbed until Mikan called for dinner.
Unless Lala becomes bored and decides to just barge into my room, pleading to do something fun together. I could far too easily picture her saying something like that, but since it was just recently that Lala came to Earth I had faith there were still plenty of things left to hold her attention.
But, just in case...
I quickly wrote 'STUDYING NOW: DO NOT DISTURB' on a piece of paper and hung it outside my door. Then I went to the window and pulled down the curtains, just enough to give the impression I did so because there was a strong light in my eyes but also to block the desk's sight to someone watching from outside. Nothing truly suspicious, but it would guarantee me some measure of privacy.
Returning to the seat I laid down my upper body on the desk's surface and rested my head on my crossed arms before closing my eyes, giving the impression I felt asleep while studying. Preparations complete I went back to my inner world, hoping to find it still in one piece.
====
"Do you need me to explain how to use the Keyblade to open a door?" Riku asked me once I returned. We were in front of the Naruto Gate, only the plate with a different name separating it from the others.
"Uhm... I think I know, but just in case please explain." I told him, not wanting to screw up.
"Alright. The first thing you need to keep to mind is that a Keyblade's ability to open and close any lock is conceptual in nature." The boy began. "When it comes to concepts interacting with the physical world what's important is the willpower of the user. You need to conjure a mental image of the result you wish to obtain: the stronger the image, the more effective the used concept will be. The Keyblade itself does most of the heavy lifting, so for something as simple as 'opening a closed chest' you only need a simple desire, but when it comes to a World's Gate-"
"You need a crapton of willpower, because you're basically telling a whole world what to do." I sighed in understanding. "Well this is not a matter of life or death, which I suppose both simplify and complicate things, but I'll try my best."
"There is no 'try': you either do it or don't do it at all. No in-between." Sasuke told me with a stern tone. "To even consider the possibility of failure is to put a glaring hole in your mental image, which will weaken the end result even if you succeed."
"I'm sorry, I thought the Keyblade Master here was me." Riku snorted, clearly unimpressed with the ninja.
"Conjuring strong mental images is a necessary skill to use Jutsu, especially Genjutsu." Sasuke answered curtly. "So yes, I have more experience and thus more good advices to give to Lee."
"Let's stop here." I took a step between them and raised my open palms. "Before one of you say something he can't take back. Unless you want me to start taking out the yaoi material again?"
Sasuke's body suffered from a powerful shudder as he quickly took a few steps backward while making a gagging motion. "That... is completely and absolutely unnecessary."
"We are guests of quite the merciless host, uh?" Riku rolled his eyes, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "Don't worry Lee, I'll behave... mostly."
"Do you also think the only reason we haven't started killing each other is because we're already dead?" Killua asked out loud.
"Sadly, you find me in complete agreement." Rin slapped a palm on his face. "Look Lee, can we just get to it already?"
"Yeah, you're right." After giving a last glare to both Sasuke and Riku I walked closer to the massive gate, until the keyhole was directly in front of me. Summoning Braveheart in my right hand I pointed the tip straight at the hole, so that only a dozen centimeters separated the two.
That done I closed my eyes and emptied my mind of all unnecessary thoughts: in their places I called forth an accurate image of the door in front of me, focusing on it until I was satisfied with the likeness. Then I picture a tunnel behind it, connecting the first door with the back of an identical one.
'The tunnel is the path I must take. It already exists, but it is barred.' I thought. 'I release the lock and lift the bar, which are one and the same, and open the path I must take.'
Within my mind a key took form, sliding smoothly inside the keyhole and turning clockwise with a soft, yet resounding click.
"Open, Gate!" I declared sharply while opening my eyes, thinking of nothing but my desire to turn fantasy into reality.
Braveheart answered to my wish, projecting a tiny beam of white light from the tip straight into the keyhole. The whole door vibrated like a tuning fork being stuck, a low humming that I could feel deep into my guts, before splitting apart in the middle and slowly opening just like the [To Love-Ru] one.
Once it stopped a green holographic screen appeared in front of me.
Please enter date and time of arrival.
Warning: due to it being a pivotal event in the selected world's history, you cannot choose a date more than six months before the day when Teams are assigned following the Academy Graduation Test, nor you can choose a date after it.
Below were entries for date and time of the day, followed by a 'Clear All' button and a 'Confirm' one. Trying them out I found it funny the system used Naruto's birth as a starting year, likely playing on the 'Ninja Jesus' meme. Six whole months gave me a lot of choices, but I didn't know if anything interesting happened during that time. "Sasuke, did anything unusual happen, to you specifically or in general, during the six months before the Academy Graduation Test?"
"The one I passed? Because there is one once every four months."
"Really?" That was new, but if it was true... "Is that how Naruto managed to fail the graduation exam three times despite being in a class of people with the same age?"
Sasuke scoffed, an amused smirk on his lips. "Yes. There's nothing forbidding students from taking it at the earliest available opportunity, but the teachers encouraged us to take it only at the end of the year because otherwise we would miss classes about topics that wouldn't be as easy to learn once we became Genin. All of it, of course, completely flew over the dobe's head."
"Uh uh." I nodded. "And mister 'Rookie of the Year' followed that advice because...?"
"It's true I didn't need those classes." He shrugged with absolutely no shame. "But if I graduated earlier I would have been put into a team with complete strangers, and while many of my classmates were bad choices I had at least a rough understanding of both their skills and personalities."
That would have made sense coming from anyone but Sasuke. I suspected he was embellishing the truth, but I had no way of proving it so I decided to just forget about it. "Anyway, about my previous question?"
"No, nothing unusual happened before then. In Konoha anyway, I don't know about the rest of the world." He replied.
"Thank you." Looking back at the display I thought which day I should select. Even a month was too much, so a week? It would be enough time for me to get used to live as Sasuke, and to investigate possible differences between that world and Naruto Canon. Not to mention fixing the imbalance between Yin and Yang Chakra: Genjutsu was cool, but I also wanted to properly breathe out giant fireballs.
And now that I thought about it, arriving a few days before the test would allow me to follow Naruto when he stole the Forbidden Scroll and take a look at it myself: I was sure the scroll contained more than just the Shadow Clone Technique, so why not acquire a cool jutsu for myself too?
My decision made I selected one week before the Graduation Test, while for the time I chose early morning to avoid having to run to school immediately after arriving. That done I pressed the 'Confirm' button, then did it once again when a new pop-up asking me for confirmation.
If there was one thing to complain about, it was me blanking out almost immediately afterward.
====
[Naruto]
The next thing I knew I was seated on a table, chopsticks in hand and an admittedly tasty-looking tomato salad in front of me. I blinked, feeling the same mild body dissociation I felt when I first woke up as Rito, then glanced down at the salad.
After a few seconds of indecision I picked up some of the salad and placed it in my mouth. "Tasty." I muttered while chewing: not as good as those made by Mikan, but it had a refreshing feeling. "Hey Sasuke, you there?"
"Yes." The ninja answered within my mind. "It should be Saturday, it was the only day of the week when I used tomatoes to prepare a salad."
"Oh, that's right: you love tomatoes."
"Love is a big word, I just like grew used to tomatoes because a lot of Uchiha civilians grew them in their back gardens." His voice turned contemplative. "Many of them were left to rot after the Massacre, but I had enough funds left to pay a few civilian farmers to keep taking care of them. Sentimental of me, I know."
"I don't see anything wrong with that." I knew there was a retcon somewhere, but it didn't change the fact Sasuke watched his beloved older brother go nuts and slaughter their whole family when he was just seven years old. That was enough to give most people severe mental issues, it was a miracle Sasuke grew up mostly sane.
After I finished the salad I washed the plates and put them to dry up, then walked out on the porch. The wall around the house prevented me from seeing the sun directly, but the color of the sky suggested sunset was almost over.
I sat down on the edge of the porch, my naked feet hanging free, and tried to summon the memories of the Sasuke of this time period, just like I did with the ones belonging to Rito. Again the process went surprisingly well, allowing me to learn I was not in the house where Sasuke originally grew up but the one belonging to a distant uncle of him, who lived alone and was killed during the Uchiha Massacre while visiting some parents. Sasuke couldn't bear staying any longer in the same place where his parents were killed, so he chose a house were no murder was committed.
I was not going to lie, channeling Sasuke was very distressing: Naruto may be considered a shounen series, but look at it with the glasses of reality and you'll see a harsh, cruel world that clashes fiercely with my modern morals. No wonder it needed a Messiah to fix it.
And now I was one of the people that will help said Messiah, back before the grand chain of events that would shake the foundations of the entire world even started. No, no it started even before that, all the way back to Kagura, but in a few years it would become an avalanche.
A chain of events that will paint me as a villain.
...
Like hell I would allow that!
I was not Sasuke, I was not a traumatized boy fed lies and half-truths and, most importantly, I was not alone! It didn't matter if the original series of decisions lead to a good ending, I refused to follow a script decided by someone else just because the results were uncertain.
If Laharl was right and I was the protagonist of my own story, then it was going to be a story written by me and no one else!
"While I'm glad to see you determined to avoid my past mistakes-" Sasuke interrupted my train of thought. "-may I remember you currently are in the middle of a village of shinobi? People trained to be incredibly paranoid about any deviation from the norm that they cannot perfectly rationalize?"
That gave me pause. "...Puberty?"
"Medical Nins have an almost perfect understanding of how that process influences the brain."
"Look underneath the underneath?"
"You're applying that saying to the wrong context."
"...I slipped and hit my head?"
"No. Just, just no." I heard him sighing. "Look Lee, you can't be as outgoing as you're in Rito's world, at least not at the start. It needs to be a gradual change, as if you're struggling with something you're not used to. That or you let me interact with others, though I'm not keen on reviving my younger days."
"I'll need your help for some things Sasuke, that's true, but I can do it." I reassured him. I was not an actor that can just play a role, but I was confident I could do a passable impression of an angsty teenager. "Beside, I have you helping me, right?"
"I must, otherwise who knows what kind of troubles you'll get into." Geez, that was mean and not even subtle. "Anyway, this house has a dojo I used to meditate. Go there, we need to make sure the Chakra imbalance doesn't hinder the use of the techniques I knew at this age."
"Yeah, yeah. First, however, I need to take care of the reason why I did this jump in the first place." I told him. "Checking out how time flows between dimensions."
====
[To Love-Ru]
Returning to the To Love-Ru universe required me going back to the inner world and repeat the opening sequence to the relevant door, which I found closed at my arrival without anyone noticing when it did so, but this time no screen to select the date popped up.
When I woke up as Yuuki Rito again I immediately looked at the clock.
Not even a second passed. I left and returned at exactly the same instant, as if the events in the inner world and in the Naruto World never happened.
A new Subskill has been revealed!
[Save Slot] This skill allows you to remove yourself from the flow of time of the universe once you leave it, giving the illusion time stopped during your absence and resumed only when you return. Once you enter a new universe you can only move forward in time, using [Save and Reload] to rewind time will cause you to enter a different alternate universe and forever lose access to the previous timeline. This skill cannot be accessed if Rin Tsuchimi is not present within your inner world.
====
[Naruto]
Using Sasuke's skills was easy when channeling him, but regulating the amount of Yin and Yang Chakra to create a more balanced mix required direct coaching from the shinobi. Luckily for me Sasuke's Chakra Control was very high at the time of his death, shortening what I'm sure would otherwise be a very lengthy process.
First we started with the three basic techniques taught to all Academy students: Body Replacement, Clone and Transformation.
The Clone and Transformation Techniques were the easiest to perform, being illusions that require mostly spiritual energy and very little physical energy. The trick consisted in using just the right amount of Chakra, the equivalent of using a single finger to tap a surface as opposed to just punching it. The only real problem was moving when I had a lot of clones out or when I was transformed into something very different compared to my base body, as it drastically increased the amount of details I needed to keep track at the same time.
In the Clone Technique's case, unlike the Shadow Clone I needed to constantly command my clones to move, otherwise they would just stay still like statues. That meant I had to control multiples bodies while using only one mind, a task made ever harder if I needed each clone to perform different movements. But since the main purpose of the Clone Technique was to create a distraction, as the clones had no substance and thus were incapable of causing harm, using only two or three at a time was good enough for my needs.
For the Transformation Technique, on the other hand, the difficulty laid in the fact its purpose was to fool the target into thinking I was not myself but someone else. If I copied someone I needed to include even the smallest details such as minor scrapes or blemishes, while things like different height and clothes of a type I never wore before took some time getting used to. There was a large mirror in the dojo, and on a whim I looked at it while transformed into a potted plant: the transformation twitched badly with the smallest of movement, even if I breathed a little faster than normal, and keeping it stable required a serious mental effort.
Finally, the Body Replacement Technique only needed me to hold back the majority of my spiritual energy since it mostly required physical energy for a brief burst of speed. The theory behind it was simple, I just needed some practice to include it within Sasuke's hard-wired instincts.
====
Once it was Monday I walked to the Ninja Academy, ready to experience what a school day as a ninja-in-training was like. Discovering that Sunday was a free day even for shinobi was surprising, but understandable once Sasuke explained it only applied to academy students that have yet to graduate into Genin.
"This honestly brings back memories. None particularly good." Sasuke commented as I looked up at the Academy building. Around me more kids were starting to arrive, most of them escorted by their parents.
'Come on, you're talking as if your school days were some kind of torture.' I replied. The only reason I didn't roll my eyes was because Sasuke insisted I always kept a neutral, serious expression. Because apparently it would be suspicious if I break character, and I was around paranoid people. As far as I was concerned the only paranoid person was inside my head. 'I thought the horde of screaming fangirls were just a fanon thing?'
"I don't know what [fanon] means, but yes I had a problem with female students failing to properly control their hormones and pursuing me as a target of romantic interest. It didn't matter how much I ignored their inane attempts to get my attention, it only seemed to spur them more." He answered in a vexed tone. "Also, after the Massacre everyone looked at me with pity and I hated it."
'Everyone except Naruto.'
"...Yeah. He may have been a dobe, and remained one, but he understood some of what I went through." Sasuke admitted. "And while his antics were annoying at least he treated me like a normal person."
"Naruto is your rival, uh? I know the feeling!" Ranma laughed. "When did he start swearing eternal vengeance and trying to kill you? Or it's you who did that?"
"Stay away from me, you insane moron from an even more insane world." Sasuke said with urgency, sounding completely weirded out.
"Hey, I resent that!" The pig-tailed martial artist protested. "I'll have you know that I'm a bastion of sanity!"
"People tried to kill you and yet you're not only laughing it off, you were friends with them!"
"Yeah, and? It's not like they ever had a chance of succeeding, so why worry about it?"
This was surreal. Except it was also my mind, so I didn't know if crying, laughing or calling Sasuke an hypocrite because Naruto and he were the same.
"Yo Sasuke!" A feminine voice called out just as I felt a hand slap my back with enough force to make me stumble forward. "Why are you making that face? Are you constipated?"
I didn't wonder who was the girl that acted in such a familiar, informal manner towards Sasuke, even if I really should have. Instead I schooled my features into the frown that was so characteristic of Sasuke. "Who are you calling constipated?" I shot back with fake annoyance as I turned around to face the speaker.
It was a good thing I spent the whole Sunday between practicing my techniques and imitating Sasuke's expressions and way of speaking in front of a mirror until the boy himself was satisfied, it was probably the only thing that prevented my facial muscles from relaxing and making me gape like a moron.
In front of me was Naruto, and yet it was not Naruto at all. To start with the person currently looking at me with an amused grin was not a boy but a girl, blonde hair tied into two long twintails that reached all the way to her knees. She had three whisker markings on each cheek and blue eyes like the future Seventh Hokage, yet the shape of her eyes and face brought to mind the pictures I saw of a young Kushina. Instead of Naruto's trademark orange jumpsuit she wore a black jacket with long sleeves kept closed by a zipper (a distant part of my mind noticed how said jacket was keeping in check a pair of breasts almost as big as Hinata's, but I did my best to ignore it), a thigh-high orange skirt, dark-brown stockings and a pair of ninja boots (I never understood why the ninja of Naruto all wore footwear that left the toes exposed).
For a second I thought: 'Is Naruto using her infamous Sexy Technique to screw with Sasuke?'
That foothold to sanity was shattered when an irate-looking Sakura marched up to the blonde girl and karate-chopped her head. "Naruko! How dare you imply Sasuke-kun suffer from something as unsightly as constipation?!"
"Who slipped drugs into our food?!" Sasuke yelled in fury and outrage, though I also detected a hint of hysteria.
"Eeeh? Come on Sakura, didn't you see his face?" 'Naruko' whined. "It was all stiff and nervous, just like mine when I have yet to go to the bathroom after more than-"
"Naruko-chaaaan!" The blonde was interrupted by another blonde, none other than Ino, who pulled her back by one arm and slapped a hand over her mouth. "What did I say about speaking in such a coarse and vulgar manner? You don't want to become as uncouth as Forehead Girl over there, right?"
"What was that, Ino-pig?!" Sakura clenched her hand, looking ready to explode like a bomb going off. "I'm uncouth? That's rich coming from a pig like you!"
"Who're you calling pig, you billboard brow?!" Now Ino looked ready to explode too, letting go of Naruko to lock eyes with Sakura. I swear I could see lightning bolts sparking between them.
"Oh God, here they go at it again." Naruko muttered with a long-suffering sigh while moving next to me. "I don't understand: until a few years ago they were the best of friends, and now they're like this. Sasuke, you have the best grades in the class so tell me: is this supposed to be normal?"
"...I don't think they teach about this at the Academy." I replied after finally finding the energy to talk again.
So, I guessed this was one of the AU elements of this version of Naruto: namely, that the eponymous protagonist has not been born as a male but as a female.
"What. Just, just what." Sasuke muttered with a dull tone. Can't blame him, seeing your best friend as a chick was sure to be a shock.
And a very stacked chick at that.
"Sasuke started hitting a nearby pillar with his head." Ranma told me. "I think he may be regretting his life choices."
No shit Sherlock.
"Mmn, I guess you're right." Naruko rested her right elbow on the palm of her left hand, right index finger pressing against her forehead while making a thinking expression. It lasted for barely a few seconds before she grinned widely once again, arms held akimbo. "Bah, whatever! More importantly, five days from now there'll be the Shinobi Academy's graduation exam! It's a foregone conclusion, but obviously I'll pass it with flying colors!"
"Like you did the last two times?" I replied instinctively, though I regretted it when Naruko looked like she found out her favorite shop just closed down permanently.
"T-Those were just flukes!" She crossed her arms and pouted, though her looking away from me betrayed her real feelings. "I'll surely pass it this time! After all, I'm the ninja who will become Hokage!"
Well, would you look at that: she may be a girl, but Naruto was still Naruto. And since Sasuke was currently too busy to bother me... "Look, which part of the exam do you have more troubles with, the written or the practical one?"
"Eh? Why are you suddenly asking about that?"
I tossed her a side glance. "Just answer the question."
"...I can handle the written part somehow, but Iruka-sensei always ask us to do the Clone Technique and that's my worst skill..." She finally admitted with some embarrassment.
"Is that so? Thank you for the info." I grinned softly. Then, before she could get angry I continued. "The reason you have so much trouble with the Clone Technique is probably because you're using too much Chakra. Some people have more Chakra than normal and others less, and those with more Chakra often use too much of it for their techniques."
She blinked owlishly. "But isn't using more Chakra better?"
"Usually yes, but many techniques like the Clone one are delicate and don't work properly without the right amount of Chakra. Think of it like a kettle: add too little water and it will all evaporate while boiling it, but add too much water and it will just spill out. You need to add the right amount so, even if some of it evaporates, there'll be enough of it left once it began boiling."
"Uhmmm..." Naruko was thinking so hard, I could almost picture steam coming out of her ears. "So... It's like when I prepare instant ramen and need to add only so much hot water, otherwise it will spill out and waste perfectly good ramen?"
I knew I was in a manga world, but too much ramen cannot be healthy. Was the lack of side effects another benefit of the almighty Chakra? What a riddle for the ages. "...Sure, let's go with that."
"But in that case, how do I know how much Chakra I need to use?"
"The same way we learn everything else: practice and concentration." I snatched a falling leaf out of the air and put it on Naruko's forehead. "Concentrate all your Chakra on this leaf while it sits on your forehead. Iruka-sensei told you about this training, right?"
"Eh?" She looked up at the leaf. "I, I think so...?"
"Do you really want the headband with the Konoha symbol? Then start with that leaf on your forehead." I turned around and walked towards the entrance. "That is, if you can do it in the first place."
"Is that a challenge?! I'll complete this training and pass the exam with grades so high they'll put a golden statue of me right outside the academy!" She yelled at my back. "Believe it!"
"Oh, I believe about a lot of things." I muttered. "For example, I believe my future will be anything but boring."
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票