章節 70: Chapter 70
Brenda doesn't stay much longer, and I am glad to see her go. I don't know why I have such a dislike for this woman. It's not like me and Ichiru are a real couple as of yet. I still don't know what is coming over me. I know earlier I saw it as him and Yuki in that office, it tore at my heart. Ichiru looking just like him made it worse, but his response was the total opposite of what Zero did. The more I get to know him, I see he is so different. Before I only knew Ichiru as a friend, my brother in law. I never had any romantic relations with him, and to be honest, I never even watched his relations with women in the past. I was always too wrapped up in Zero to see anything before.
Now things are a bit different, I watch everything he does. I see how he cares for me, telling her I was his girlfriend and most of all that the twins were his. In a way, they are his. He has been here from their birth taking care of them as a father would. They only know him, no one else as daddy. Maybe this is all part of what Zero meant, what he saw. Someone to love me, like, me all of me, and most of all only me. Does this mean, I don't still have feelings for Zero? No, not at all. I still love him dearly, he still holds my heart, I just am growing as a person, seeing the truths I wouldn't let myself see before. I was in denial, living a lie. I was so in love and obsessed with Zero, I couldn't see straight. Just as he did with Yuki. Yuki was his one true real love, no matter how hard I tried he may have loved me, but never fully as I wished for. He couldn't, he was bond to her, from his creation. I think someone who was bounded to her, he did the best he could with me. I pushed something that was never supposed to be, or happen. Where with Ichiru, it's happening naturally, he honestly cares for me, its setting me free.
I go back to my office, after walking Brenda out the door, I saw a look on Alexa's face, I have only seen one other time. That was when she saw Zero with Yuki when she looked out the window of the office building. This must have brought that memory back, but why? If she didn't have romantic feelings towards me, she would feel that. The way she grabbed my hand and smiled at me. The way she said she saw it now. She is waking up her feelings for me, and I am so glad. I just hate to see her upset, I hope she knows she doesn't have to worry about me. I would never stray, I hope I made that clear to her today. I guess we will see.
The time flys and its time to go home, I see her sitting at her desk working. She hasn't come to me to say anything about Brenda. I see she doesn't go after me as she did my brother. I don't know whether to take that as a good or bad thing?
"Hey missy, it's time to head home. Are you ready?" Ichiru asks.
"Yes, Let me just get my purse," I answer.
"Great, no stakeout tonight. I get to come home like normal." Ichiru says.
"Good because I have to admit, I didn't like you away, I enjoy sharing dinner with you, and spending the time we do together," I admit.
"You don't know how happy I am to hear that. I will do my best not to have to do many stakeouts, but how about when I do, you come with me?" Ichiru suggests.
"That sounds great, we can make it a date night." I laugh.
"You know through all this we really haven't dated. Maybe we should start going out on some. Doing some things we haven't gotten to do." Ichiru asks.
"That sounds good, I guess we just got into family life before ever really getting to date. You called me your girlfriend, do you really see me as that?" I say.
"I see you as much more, I just didn't know what you would feel comfortable with me saying. I want you to be more than my girlfriend Alexa." Ichiru says putting his arms around me.
For some reason, I want to kiss him, wrap my arms around him, and not let go. I just don't.
"I am getting there, I know I miss you when you're not around. Last night I saw that. I was upstairs and you were down, and for some old reason it seemed too far away." I confess.
"Really? That's wonderful. You know you can always come to me, I am here. I really enjoy your sleeping next to me." Ichiru says.
"I enjoy it the same, I like the closeness. I can't really explain my feelings as of late." I admit.
"You mean for me? In general?" Ichiru asks confused.
"Yes, for you. They are confusing me if I am honest." I say.
"Ok, what is confusing you? What are you feeling? I would like to know what your feeling, I sometimes also get confused, not in my own feelings but yours. I want to get closer to you, then I am afraid it will scare you. Or you're not wanting me to." Ichiru confesses.
"When I am close to you, I feel want, desire. I guess I don't see you only as a friend anymore. This morning, I had an urge to kiss your chest. It made me panic and I didn't. I am not sure of my feelings." I state. Not wanting to say, I am not sure if its because you remind me of him, or if they are feelings growing towards you. I don't want to hurt him.
"I think that's great, they are growing like that. You don't have to panic, I would have loved it if you would have kissed me anywhere. I want you to be able to show me you, care for me, want me. I want to do the same to you, I just wonder if you're ready. I am trying not to push you, or make things awkward. " Ichiru comments.
"I feel maybe we shouldn't think, just go with how we feel? Make it happen naturally if it is. If I was someone else, and we were dating, would you make a move?" I ask.
"If you were anyone else, and you in my bed, I would have already...made a lot of moves." Ichiru laughs.
"Oh really now? So Brenda gets the smooth Ichiru?" I laugh in return.
"No, Brenda got the hookup Ichiru, where this isn't that. This is special and meaningful to me. When it happens I want you to want me, and not think about anyone else. I want you to have the desire building, the yearning inside of you, that you want me to touch you everywhere, just like I feel for you." Ichiru says honestly.
"That's how you feel?" I ask.
"Yes, I want you so bad, I can taste it. You lay in bed with me, drives me crazy but I am not going to take advantage of you. I don't want you to regret anything. I want you to crave more, I want you to think of me and burn with desire." Ichiru states.
I won't say it out loud, but to myself I want you to want me, and only me, NOT him. I want you to forget all about him! Ichiru says to himself.
I just smile at him, not sure what to answer to that. Can I feel that? I know I feel something, there is want there, I just still am not sure why. Is it growing feelings for him? Is it because I feel close to him, because of who he reminds me of? I don't know. He talks about crave? I craved every single part of his brother. I never could get enough, I always wanted to be near him, close to him. I know what that feels like. Can I feel that towards someone else? Then it's not just someone else, it's his twin, a part of him. That has to be why I am feeling this, attachment. Like Zero said, I was getting him, just better.
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