章節 7: Chapter 7
I feel myself drift off to sleep. Pain in my heart, I feel overwhelmed with feelings. I am not sure anything can fix this. I am just sorry if I hurt him. It wasn't what I wanted.
The alarm beeps loudly on the side of the bed. It keeps going off. I don't have the strength to open my eyes or even hit the snooze button. I feel lifeless laying there. My eyes still wet from tears. The alarm just gets louder and louder and more annoying. Till I have to open my eyes. When I do, I almost lose it.
"No, No. Please No. Not like this." I hit the snooze button and put my head back under the covers. Sobbing hard.
"Alexa, its time to get up for work. Hurry up you're going to be late." I hear my husband say.
I'm back in my own body. In my own world. It takes everything. I have to drag myself to the bathroom to get ready for work. My eyes are all puffy, and red. I don't think, I have ever felt like this before or at least in a very long time. I know I have to clean myself up and act like nothing is wrong. I wash my face and get dressed. Pushing myself along. I head downstairs seeing my girls and my husband getting ready for the day. Nothing has changed. Everything just went back to the way it was. I am happy to see my children. I kiss them both as I get their lunch ready for school. Both of them leaving with their father so he could drop them off. It was back to my regular life.
It's now my turn, to go to work and face the day. All I can think about is Zero. I hope he is ok. I hope he doesn't truly hate me. Then I think, he should be happy now, he has his Yuki back. I am probably the last thing on his mind.
Back at Cross, Zero has been up all night thinking, not sure what to think about all this. His feelings eating at him. He gets up and dressed and figures to stop by the girl's dorm, to see how Alexa is doing.
When he gets to the dorm, Alexa isn't there just the note laying on her bed, Addressed to him. He reads it, and it only makes him feel worse. He goes to class, where Yagari tells him to go straight to the headmaster's office. Which he does.
"What do you want from me now old man?" Zero huffs.
"I just wanted to let you know that Yuki is back as herself. She went to see Kaname. I thought you should know." Kaien replies.
"No, Alex is gone?" Zero asks.
"Yes, Sorry she is gone. The bond between you both weaken and it sent her back home. Things are back to normal now." Kaien admits.
Zero doesn't say much, he just walks out of the room. Feeling he let her go without saying goodbye. Letting her think he hated her. Never telling her, How she made him feel. All the happiness she brought him. It Makes him sick to his stomach.
He goes to see Yuki, hoping that she is ok. When he gets to the moon dorm, he sees her sitting on the sofa talking away to Kaname. How things never changed, she runs to him. When she sees Zero she runs to him as well giving him a big hug. Telling him all about her adventures. How she missed him and Kaname. Things going right back to where they were before she left. Zero just being in between the middle, he sees her drooling over Kaname again.
Zero just walks out going back to his own dorm room. In one way, he was happy to see her, in another he wasn't. He sits there and just wonders what Alexa is feeling right now. Sad, and hurt about everything he did. Wishing he would have told her how he felt. Instead of asking and thinking about Yuki, when she was trying to tell him how she felt about him. Just knowing its now too late.
Weeks go by, I am doing my best to get back into the swing of things. Still not myself at all. Being with my family doesn't seem to really bring me any happiness lately. I feel lost and like half myself is missing. Yet I keep it all to myself. Doing my best not to let on. Wondering to myself, if I can stay like this. There wasn't anything really wrong with my family, my kids were great my husband was a good man. It was a regular normal relationship. Just now after experiencing the heat I had with Zero, I am not sure. I could live like this anymore. Zero brought me things no one ever has. Made me feel alive in every single way.
Then I just think, that didn't go so well either, he never would care for me as myself. He only cared because I was her. Which tore me up inside. I gathered my Zero pictures and little fan items and put them away. Feeling they weren't good to hold on to them either. I would never have him. It wasn't meant to be. Even in my dream, it failed. The past few weeks, I feel as if my heart has been ripped from my chest. I always feel sick to my stomach, I can't even eat. Where I am sure he is happy being back with his Yuki.
The weeks that go by for Zero is no better than they were for Alexa. Regrets fill his mind, even more so when he watches Yuki throw herself at Kaname. Him asking her to be his lover. Zero almost gagged. All the things that happened in the Anime were now happening, it was following the same path his story was meant to go. Yuki was more and more strange. Staying away from him, going through her own things. The time Zero did spend with her, he saw that it wasn't the same. He did prefer spending time with Alexa. The time she spent with him, she made him like, the only thing that existed. He missed that. He also saw that Yuki would never be able to do that for him. It just wasn't Yuki. Time keeps going on, and Zero's fight with Rido takes place, The night that Yuki turns into her pureblood self. Zero more disgusted with everything than ever. He sees that she is leaving with Kaname, It doesn't surprise him. The words Alexa spoke rang true. You won't like what is to come. He sure didn't. The only thing that was different, he didn't let Yuki drink from him, nor did he kiss her. He let her go freely. Not feeling the way he once did. If she wanted Kaname, Let her have him.
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