章節 35: Accepting Oneself

Chapter 35

Hot tears streamed down on Donna's face.

Andy was lying on the floor with her back leaning on the bed; unmoving.

There were a couple of canned beers scattered on the floor with her.

She looked devastated, gloomy reflection, lifeless demeanor and those dark circles under her eyes due to sleep deprivation as she lifted up her head to look at shocked friend.

There was not any shine in those eyes either; they looked dead, in dazed, so distant.

Donna slowly walked towards and fell down on her knees in front of her friend.

She forced a smile despite the pain in her throat for suppressing a sobbing tear and opened her arms suggesting Andy to come closer.

Andy's silent tears begun to fall and threw herself in Donna's arms.

It was deafening as Andy begun to cry hard that echoed in the entire room. It was as if the sound of pain resounding in all corners.

Donna could only held her friend tighter.

A few minutes passed until Andy calmed down a little where only hiccups due to heavy sobbing were the sound that could be heard.

Donna helped her friend to sit back against the bed and positioned herself right beside.

She then gulped a can of beer in her reach. She did not say anything; only stealing glances at her friend.

"It's hard to sleep when my mind is at war with my heart," Andy finally spoke.

"Ahh huh—" Donna only nodded while sipping her beer.

"I think I have travelled through madness to find myself."

"Ahh huh—"

Andy faked a smile, "I'm gay Donna."

Donna frowned, "I know."

Andy's jaw set.

"Ugh—," then looked heavenward.

That's the scary thing about her friend. It's like she knew everything already.

"Am I that easy to read?"

Donna slightly laugh, "Nah, you're just like an open book to me."

"Do you disgust me?"

Donna shook her head, "You are you. You are my friend and nothing can change that."

Another tears shimmered in Andy's eyes. She was gripping her fist hard to suppress another tears.

"I don't have control over this feeling," the girl crumbled and begun to cry once again.

"I'd been trying hard to deny it but the more I deny it the more I suffer."

Donna gripped her canned beer but did not interrupt her friend.

"This is the worst battle I've ever fought."

"It was hard but I've come to a conclusion as I listened to my thoughts and to my heart."

"I know myself better now."

"I've managed to see the truth that no one can understand me better than myself."

"I am me. This is me though it was not easy but I've come to accept it."

She chuckled.

"And I thought that accepting myself would end my grief but as I looked at my reflection in the mirror, fear washed over me."

"I'm scared—" she sobbed harder.

"I'm scared that my family would not accept me."

"I'm scared to the grief and sorrow I would cause them."

"I'm scared of the judgment I would get from society."

"I'm scared of everything Donna—"

Donna straighten up her legs and adjusted herself to lean back on the bed enough to rest her head on it.

"I'm proud that you are brave enough to accept and embrace who you really are."

"Fuck with society. You don't need their acceptance nor waste your time trying to explain yourself. People will undoubtedly talk and give their opinions anyway."

"You are not other people say who you are."

"You are who you are."

"And with your family, yeah it will be hard for them but I think nothing you do would make them love you less."

"So do it then."

"Do the things your heart begs you to do."

"Change can be beautiful but a scary process."

"Give up the doubts and fear, you are not meant to be your own enemy; you are meant to be your greatest supporter."

She turned to look at her friend by her side.

"Cheers?" She lifted up her beer.

Andy smiled, bumped the can and gulped it.

A silence passed them.

"I'll stay here for the night." Donna offered.

"Nah, you can go home. I've troubled you so much already."

"No, I don't want to leave you alone. Who knows what would run into your mind."

"What? You think I'm suicidal?"

"I'LL TAKE HER HOME."

Both the girls eyes widened adding Donna's mouth widely opened. Andy too, she lost her grip to her canned beer as they stared shocked to the person standing by the doorway.

"Brother—"