章節 37: Chapter Thirty-six
Rose
My lips are curving into a smile as I watch up at the sky; loving the colour. Even though the sun is shining brightly, ever so brightly that it can damage my eyes but I don't feel a slight pain. I only feel the coldness yet my surroundings are filled with warmth.
All of a sudden, memories come rushing in; every single one of them are displayed right in front of me. From the moment I was born up till now; the most heartbreaking moment of my life—losing my love.
His smile.
His gaze. Everything about him shows perfection. From head to toe, he's flawless. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I manage to fall in love with Elia; he's far from the guys I've met—there are probably better men out there but for now, Elia is all I see.
We've gone through a lot of happiness and sadness, almost leaving us with nothing to feel. Apparently, we're too broken—only pretending to be happy when we're actually dying. Our hearts are broken into two. He got his heart broken by his first love while I got mine broken by him, seem realistic enough?
How can I love someone who has broken my heart?
Simple. I just do.
Well, until one day, the magic stops working. Even after confessing our love for each other, we are still drifted apart and instead of being with him, I end up being with his brother; Elis. A mysterious yet beautiful soul—hiding away his slight past. He faced lost before just like Elia but his lost was much more upsetting, not due from heartbreaks but from a permanent loss. They are both similar somehow.
Elia fell for the woman he had married.
Then, he ended up losing her because they did not trust each other enough. Their trust was never available; they held onto their love, the only thing that would never last forever without trust and sacrifices. I know, I've been sacrificing myself.
Yet, after feeling the rushes of pain, I am ultimately afraid of looking back—afraid if I might lead myself into a deeper trap where the scars won't be able to heal. I don't want to fall in love with the wrong man. I don't want to fall in love without knowing that he'll love me back, truthfully. I don't want to fall in love with his words but for him. His body and soul.
I guess, love is blind.
For love, I let myself suffer. I suffered so much that I almost ended my own life; not bothered to think of anyone else or the future—not even remembering that I'll be damn in hell for the sins I've done. I've been forgetting God and oh lord, what have I become?
To my surprise, a different familiar figure comes into mind—making my eyes wide, seeing that he's actually breathtakingly beautiful. The way his brown eyes are looking at me with so much adoration, I've never come to notice that.
His well-defined jaw, giving other people the impression of a perfect jawline; almost making him look as if he's created and sculptured with care. Not just that, his lips are pink in colour—attracting me in a way that I've only come to feel now.
Elis.
I should've known when he was acting cold around me, when we first met, he wanted me gone. Why? It's because he doesn't want me to suffer like how I suffered—he wanted me to live a better life, a life that I deserve than crying over the same pathetic man over a love that has already been broken for months.
At first, I thought he hated me.
It's actually the opposite. I should've known and noticed by the way he would look at me but I was too blind, too focused on the love that Elia was giving me that I've completely forgotten about the possibilities of others. Truth be told, I wanted things to go on differently. If Elis didn't leave eleven years ago, Elia wouldn't be taking his position and he wouldn't be facing all of this—he wouldn't end up hurting me.
We would actually have a normal life together.
Elis takes a few steps towards me before lightly touching the side of my face, surprising me at the sudden warmth of his fingers. Both of our eyes are busy looking at one another, almost distracting us from the real world—we manage to do that.
If only I had focused more on his actions, I would have noticed a whole lot of things; by the way he would care for me, treat and even love me. Love may be too early for us but we've been with each other for the past eleven months, how fast can it go?
I close my eyes as soon as I find him leaning in before brushing his lips against mine, letting me feel the sparks that I've been trying to deny and only agreeing that those sparks belong to Elia and I. I've mistaken, I feel them too with Elis.
It has been my imagination that whenever I look at Elis, I would see Elia because by the way he treats me, it reminds me so much of him. Maybe it's because I've always longed for Elia's touch; feeling how their touches are similar somehow.
No, I only see Elis when I look at him. Not Elia.
We are kissing each other passionately, letting him cup onto my face and deepening the kiss; sending me shivers down my spine, breaking my sadness and healing me from the inside—slowly bringing out a new me. A new beginning and a new life.
My pain starts to reduce by his kisses; making me forget and forgive of my past. No more holding grudges because they will only lead to another type of pain, another type of misery. In order to move on, I have to completely let go. I have to be committed.
He breaks the kiss, clenching his jaw.
As soon as I open my eyes, I find ourselves being pulled away; ending the everlasting bliss, somehow bringing me back to reality—facing the truth.
My eyes open wide as I stare up at the ceiling, realising that the machine is beeping at the sound of my heartbeat; causing Elis to immediately wake up from his slumber, looking at me with worry.
He has dark circles under his eyes; one of the signs showing that's restless. I find myself tearing up at the sight of him—is this what it feels like when someone cares so much about us? I thought. My eyes are only focusing on Elis, seeing that he's looking straight into my eyes before caressing my forehead, soothingly.
''Elis,'' I mutter under my breath.
''It's okay, I'm here. I'm always here,'' He breathes.
With a smile, I nod my head; realising how I could not lose this chance. A chance to start fresh with someone else; a chance to actually feel and experience a normal life—a normal love. He won't stop calming me down and I can't stop looking at him, appreciating him.
''Don't ever leave me,'' I say, slowly.
He smiles back at me, leaning in to kiss onto my forehead long; letting me close my eyes at the sudden contact, ''Never. I'll be here as long as you want,'' He replies and I feel a tear slide down my cheek.
Within seconds, I am already pulling him by the neck, slowly wrapping my arms around him and letting myself cry the amount of sadness that I've been holding. For some reason, I feel like it'll be the last amount of sadness. There won't be more.
He closes the distance between us and hugging me back, soothingly comforting me. My body softens at his touch; loving how he's actually good at this without even needing words to actually tell him how I feel, he would always understand me better.
He's the only one going through everything with me.
Once we have completely let go of each other, I look up at my hand to see how pale it has become; almost making me look like I'm dead
Once we have completely let go of each other, I look up at my hand to see how pale it has become; almost making me look like I'm dead. Elis surprisingly grabs onto my hand, kissing the back of it, avoiding the intravenous and looking up into my eyes.
''Don't ever do that again,'' He mutters.
''Don't ever hurt yourself because it's hurting me too. Please, for the sake of us. I want you to be well, I want you to be genuinely smiling and sincerely happy because I want what's best for you. You want what's best for you,'' He continues, softly. How can a man like him even exist? A softhearted man.
''I was stupid. I shouldn't have hurt myself just because I was truly and deeply in pain. It's just that, I couldn't find another option; death was the only option,'' I reply, feeling sore in my throat.
He pecks onto my cheek, ''Just stay this time.''
For once, I actually see himself in his eyes. The way he's looking down at me shows how he cares and it would hurt him too if I ever hurt myself. It would affect him much more deeply; probably.
''I'll stay now on,'' I mutter under my breath.
Days passed and my heart has never felt genuinely happy as I were before; being near Elis made me realise how we can actually heal from the past for a better future as long as we try. He has been keeping me smiling and laughing—genuinely.
Happy? I feel that now.
''You're just saying that because you want to make me feel better about myself,'' I chuckle as he smiles widely, shaking his head in disagreement. I'm currently laying on his lap as we're on the sofa in our living room, letting him play with my hair; making me feel special.
''You're always beautiful. I don't have to say it,''
He replies, smiling down at me.
''Oh yeah? Prove it,''
To my surprise, he starts to run his index finger on the bridge of my nose before stopping at my lips, ''Your smile would lighten up my day,'' Then, he continues to pinch my left cheek, causing me to chuckle again, ''Your cheeks flushes red when I compliment you,'' He moves up to my nose, pinching the tip of it—almost leaving me red.
I cut him off, ''That's not prove.''
''Like I said, I don't have to say it. You are and always be beautiful. Inside out. So, don't ever feel like you're nothing because you're everything to me.'' He leans in before brushing his lips on mine, leaving me smiling and leaning forward to kiss him back; sparks flowing.
We both kiss each other softly.
It's a surprise as soon as he starts to pick me up by the waist before letting me sit on his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck, smiling down at him as he smiles back up at me; rubbing onto my back. We don't seem to notice that we're currently in an intimate position—we barely notice things like this.
Our faces are inches apart before he starts to lean in.
Again.
No one's complaining. My heart starts to beat fast at every kiss that we share because it's giving me all sorts of emotions and feelings; bringing a better side of me. Apart from that, I actually love being near him.
Laughters start to escape from my lips when he trails kisses down my neck and up to my earlobe, causing me to smile before letting him; tickling me with pleasures radiating—leaving me placing my lips on his again, this time our kiss is long and slow.
Both of my hands are fully cupping onto his face, pulling his face up so that it'll be easier for us to kiss while both of his hands are gripping hard onto my hips, making me lean further towards his body
Both of my hands are fully cupping onto his face, pulling his face up so that it'll be easier for us to kiss while both of his hands are gripping hard onto my hips, making me lean further towards his body. My cheeks heat up as soon as his tongue slips in; meeting mine.
I teasingly play with the tip of his shirt, pulling it up and down before running my fingers on his abdomen; earning myself a groan from him—making me smile. He bites lightly onto my lower lip, slowly pulling my shirt up and throwing it onto the floor.
Our eyes meet when I stop the kiss, seeing that he's currently clenching his jaw; somehow holding himself back but both of his eyes are never leaving mine. Deep in his eyes, they are filled with lust but there's something else clouding the top part of it.
Slowly, I lean in once more, this time I start to tease him by leaning back whenever he starts to kiss me back, causing him to pull my body closer; looking down at my lips and within seconds, I am already in his arms as he picks me up by the waist—my legs wrapped around his torso.
Without me realising, he has placed me onto the bed before hovering on top of me; continuing to kiss me ever so gently yet passionate at the same time. He supports his body by using both of his elbows, not completely placing his body on mine.
I stop the kiss by pulling onto the tips of his hair.
''Now, prove it.'' I breathe.
Our eyes continue to meet as he seductively and slowly trails kisses down my jawline to my neck, my collarbone, in between my breasts; purposely stopping when he reaches my lower abdomen. My heart starts to beat fast as I feel his hands gripping onto my thighs—building up lust.
A sudden moan escapes my lips when I feel him running his finger on the centre before rubbing onto it and causing me to lean my head back at the pleasure—my body seem to be responding well.
I didn't even realise he had taken off my pants.
His tongue won't stop giving me pleasures just by going down on me, loving the way he looks up at me as he continues to please me. Both of my hands are pulling onto the ends of his hair, making him groan.
As soon as I start to feel the explosion, he starts to hover on top of me once more, this time kissing me and being in control while I return back; slowly taking off his pants, leaving him in his boxers.
He bites onto my neck, giving me love bites.
Within seconds, we're already skin to skin without any material getting in between. We are also breathing heavily from the kisses and the pleasures that we've been giving each other; endlessly.
He looks straight into my eyes while I look straight into his as he enters inside me, making my mouth open wide at the sudden tightness in between my legs. I eye his facial expressions and I see him clenching his jaw, trying to fit in without causing me pain.
Moans continue to escape as he keeps on entering, letting me accept him fully without denying. Pleasures continue to build up inside me and start to increase when he thrusts deeper, this time, moving in and out.
I immediately pull onto his face, feeling him breathing at the side of my neck as I grip onto his hair, trying to find something to hold while I feel myself losing control. He continues to give us pleasure and it's weakening me at the sound of his moans.
We end up kissing each other through thrusts.
Until moans are filling the room before making us reach our climax. I continue to feel my body weakening and responding to his last few moans. Then, he starts to breathe heavily near my neck while both of us are still feeling the amount of pleasures.
I look up to see Elis trying to control his breathing so I pull him by the neck, kissing his lips; loving how they taste different from our little adventure. He kisses me back just as soft before slowly placing his body on mine—letting us feel each other's skin.
After our first intimacy, we start to be around each other much more frequent; feeling feelings for one another growing strong, making it seem surreal. He hasn't been holding himself back anymore and I haven't been complaining, we are even sleeping in the same bed which seems normal due to us having sex.
Each time just keeps on getting better, maybe because he continues to hold himself back and not wanting to make things between us move too fast during our first time. Not just that, we are also getting to know each other well; more about ourselves.
''Don't miss me,'' I chuckle on the phone.
From the other line, I hear him chuckling, ''I can't help it that I keep on missing you,'' He replies as I continue to walk down the road; heading towards the other direction, heading home.
''Why can't you be home for dinner?'' I ask.
''I have a project due tomorrow and there's still a lot work here in the office but if you want me to take you out for dinner, I'll drop everything.'' He answers. My eyebrows furrow, yes, I want to meet him tonight so that we'll be able to have dinner together because he has been busy this week but I don't want to disturb.
''You know what, I'm thinking on eating by myself tonight. You're busy and I understand so don't worry. Just finish your work,'' I look up at the sky darkening, signalling that the sun has set minutes ago. People are hurrying down the road and I continue to walk without glancing at anyone or anything else.
''Are you sure? I can drop—''
I cut him off, ''No. Please, don't. Finish your work because it's important. Just be home when you're done?'' I bite onto my lower lip, stopping for awhile. My heart softens at the image of him smiling as he talks to me on the phone—breathtaking.
''As soon as I can,'' He mutters.
Within seconds, I hear his secretary entering the room and saying about the upcoming meeting. He answers back, ''I have to go. Call me if there's anything or if you want to talk, I'll be here.''
''Okay,'' I turn to look at the cars.
''Rose,'' He starts to call out my name after a few seconds, leaving me with a blank expression; waiting for him to continue. For some reason, I feel my heart beating fast, afraid of his next words.
''I love you,'' He says, softly. My eyes wide at the three words he said, almost causing my legs to fall and drop onto the ground but I stay still, feeling my cheeks heat up and my lips curving up into a small smile. It's quite blunt for him to confess this way but I can't help feeling excited even though it leaves me speechless.
''Bye,'' I mutter and I hear him responding back before ending the call. I immediately place a hand on my chest; feeling myself overreacting at his words. It has been awhile since I've felt this way but now, I'm starting to feel it again—bringing back memories. Yet, instead of feeling sad, I feel happy.
''I love you,'' His voice replays in my mind.
I continue to walk down the road, seeing that people are starting to lessen but I ignore the negative thoughts in my mind as I fasten my step; wanting to get home as soon as possible, pushing away that I'm just probably imagining things by feeling something behind me. My legs obey me by walking fast.
To my surprise, I start to feel someone covering my mouth with some sort of clothing before pulling me by the waist and as soon as I inhale, I feel my body going unconscious—making me close my eyes in respond.
Just as I see darkness, another pair of hand grabs me.
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