章節 4: Fiction X Reality
Title : Fiction x Reality
Description:
Other's fiction affected my reality.
My reality affected my fiction.
But does my fiction affected other's reality.
I am curious just how different am I toward those people?
ONE-Shot
I am different from other people, but each people are unique and different from each other you say? Bla bla bla… although it is indeed the truth, I have a hard time admitting it because I cannot truly understand other people, hell I don't even fully understand myself yet.
Huh… I wonder where it went wrong, is it when my 6-7 years old me is tricked by a classmate to suck his dick and was almost sodomized, now I think about it the innocent me back than remembered it so much because it was the first time I was scolded by the teacher for so long in my entire life that time, huh… or is it when I became a fucking tsundere at 8-9 years old who cannot even give a love letter or freaking confess to someone he liked, I even thrown stones at her because I was embarrassed, pranked her, huh…
But deep down I know the real turning point is when I am 9-10 years old when I first got my personal computer, the one that is connected to the world wide internet. Before this I was normal(?) but maybe because of my young age, the memory and experience at that time is blurry. So ever since I got to know Internet along with the collection of Manga and Manhua before this, I could be said grow up with fictional characters more instead of real being.
Ever since I got to 10 years old, other's fiction truly began to warp me, at first it was the Japanese manga, anime then novel that warped me with a sense of heroism, then before anything else could come in come the darkness, the Hentai. It was just an accident at first I was searching for an Persona 4 anime or manga is it but I encounter my first hentai, at first I thought it was just another chapter of the manga but then as I looked at the other 'manga' there and tried to imitate what the characters have been doing, BOOM! I masturbated.
The worst part is not that I am addicted to masturbating, no that is a little good thing in my list but the bad thing is that the Hentai I read warped my common sense by how easily woman could betray you just because your dick is smaller or your sexual stamina is worser even if there is years of romance between you and her, about how much money matter. I was at such a young age at that time even if I know by now it's not 100% true but just like the common sense you are taught when you are a child, it was hard to peel off or change.
Well, ever since then the whole fictional world is the world to me, it shows me various information, it entertained me, it accompanied me, I grew up with it. So maybe that's why when someone I know that is quite close to me died, I didn't shed a tear or felt too sad but when a fictional one died, the one that I only know for a few days died I teared up.
People say what you create can represent a part of you, so I looked and I was amazed by how different the creation and the creator is but I still took this sentence to the heart and I looked at my creation. It was unpopular yet I dreamed it to be the best, it's short, even if it's long in the end it remained unfinished, there are too many, I hate them yet I am still proud at them. And in them I see myself, I am infamous, known but by my bad name, my interest in something is easily cut short, even if I manage to last longer in the end It's no use after all I will abandon it, without any true hard work I dreamed to be successful, praised, even as much as I hate myself I still love myself. Human is truly a being that is full of duality.
As I looked back to the past and looked at the present, I wondered if my unpopular self-have affected other's life or if any of my creation did, just like how those fictions twisted my common sense.
I wonder if the people in the real world is similar to the one in the fiction but then which one, the kind one, people are kind to each other, wanting to help each other if possible; the cruel one that ignored other's pain and tears because they are afraid, the one that did nothing, just looking from afar or is it the insidious one where each people put on a mask, acting toward each other with sinister hidden plan behind that mask waiting for the right time to be unleashed or is it the combination of all above. Based on what I know people changes depends on everything, time, place, people, money, feelings, and anything, anything can change a person.
Can even a person in the real world be as bright and forgiving as those Shonen Protagonist, can they be as cruel as those Seinen Protagonist, can they be as romantic and loyal as those Romance genre couple, can people even be as dense as Harem Protagonist, as determined, as charismatic, as powerful, as smart? Well I know the last two is impossible though.
Sometimes, I experienced something and smiled at the realization that must be how that character felt at that time or maybe the vastly different result from between the fiction and the reality or the exact same. Those kinds of thing made me confused so is the fiction is right or not, clearly If I asked some people, they will just look at me before saying "The Keyword is fiction." But I know that sometimes when I looked at something in the reality, I want to ask someone and want them to answer me with "The Keyword is Real". Sometimes what I experience seems so fictional in the real world in contrast the experience I read in the fiction seems so real that I undoubtly it happen in the real world when it clearly didn't.
This repeat, repeat, and repeat numerous times until I grew dizzy just from keeping the count and I am finally confused between the reality and the fiction. Sometimes I would treat people in the real world with the detachment I have toward a fictional character and I treat a fictional character with a connection as if they were a real being.
People would laugh because they don't understand so do I, If I don't understand what other's feeling, experiencing I would laugh, scorn at them or somethings worse.
Sometimes when I tried to do that, understanding other people, the fiction mixed with the reality, I felt that everyone of them wore a mask and behind them, behind the understanding words and comfort was a scorn or sometimes I felt that everyone is actually bitches in the heat or they are super optimistic people like the protagonists.
In the end it is truly impossible for me to make sure of people thoughts, the meaning behind their action, the realness of the fiction, the fakeness of the reality, in the end everything mixed together into a chaos.
is the world i am living in is truly is the 'Reality' or i am just in another 'Fiction' of other being
創作者的想法 
MF_THE_BOTH
MF_THE_BOTH actually i am 99% sure no one is reading this but i still will ramble, so i actually aware that i am suppose to post a chapter a week but cause of laziness and brain overload from overly intense workout i forgot
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