25評論
4.34
- 寫作品質
- 更新的穩定性
- 故事發展
- 人物形象設計
- 世界背景
與他人分享您的想法
寫檢討
Me agrada el fondo que le llegas a dar al clan kurogane, pero si se supone que son la sombra del uzumaki y que siempre están para protegerlos, su unica cualidad es poder absorver chakra del entorno? Sabiendo que el uzumaki tiene mayor cantidad de reserva de chakra, un físico más fuerte, y siendo un clan de sellos, me parece que la historia del clan kurogane esta bien, pero sus caracteristicas, no. El mc de tu historia parece ser el secundario mientra que naruto, el mc del canon, se le da todo, con quien se queda cada uno da igual porque ahi se ve con quien te gustaría verlo, pero siento que no le has dado un desarrollo a naruto y a kira lo hiciste totalmente desarrollado mentalmente, por mas que sea una reencarnación, no es como si en su anterior vida haya sido asesino, mercenario, o vivido en un ambiente hostil. Creo que no le das buen desarrollo a los personajes, sino que sólo los basas en tu opinión, mas no les das un argumento, el perfecto ejemplo es sasuke, recién le sucedió de la masacre a su familia y lo tildas por algo que no hizo en tu historia, ademas creo que sasuke sufrió también, ten en cuenta que su hermano al cual admiraba un dia sin razon alguna para el, asesino a todo su clan. Son muchas cosas que deberías mejorar, en lo personal tu idea me parece fantastica ya que nunca vi una historia con ese inicio, pero no supiste llevar bien, tuviste muchas ideas pero no te paraste a pensar lo suficiente.
It a Really Good Fanfik but I go out ( after 18 chapter when Terumi must be with Naruto ) and hate thise fanfik because all good girls will be with Naruto, but with MC... 💩💩💩💩💩( only Samui is good as for me) and its the reason why I go out and dont wont read more thise.... because its like the Naruto MC
Is BlueScorpion, or any other editor still working on this? I peeked in the later chapters and saw that grammar gets a little better, though, still not good enough. Question is, should I read it with a hope of a decent grammar? Or should I just forget about this novel?
cool............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.........
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Gdkbyrgryrkwhruekhyrkhwwkdgnakjoyrwykirwhoyretigtwitahieitwhwttwinagektiqetieqgkneqiywegkqyqeogkwqtiwittiwqtiwtiwktwitwitwwtjititwwjitwwtjwf
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Good story, minor grammar mistakes but nothing unexpected from a person where English is their second language. The AU is well thought out and I throughly enjoy it.
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Author here~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm glad that people like this fanfiction, the earlier chapters are badly written of course, since this is my 1st time writing, but remember, i said in the beginning that am writing from my phone so some errors will pass through without me knowing. I have university and am literally studying both medicine and programming, so i really get tired afterwards. Any sane person would have drop this story but not me, i want to finish it, to truly finish it. The 1st couple of chapters are badly written, something i will fix in the future, so if your still writing then am happy you like the story, if you don't then just leave and read other story. Due to university, my chapters will come at least 1 every week, but after December comes, i'll be able to write even faster due to my having no university. Once December comes, i'll also fix those chapters but until then, i'll leave them where they are, otherwise i won't be able to release once every week due to me fixing those chapters, so please just hold until December. REMEMBER I DON'T HAVE A LAPTOP AND I CAN ONLY WRITE THROUGH MY PHONE. I hope you can understand that. This has been the Author, peacing out ^-^
So writting quality is really bad. There are no paragrap, only sentence with space between sentence (enter) . And some word doesnt make sence. Even tho i am not native but the grammar are so bad that i even know that is really bad. The story?
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I really love the different idea you have from all the other naruto fanfics i read how they leave the village and go to kumo ....................................................................................................
Overall i like the story, his bloodline seems similar to the rinnegans preta path with differences, maybe a hint with purple eyes. 82384883288228384858558483829234001010200210101010101010101010001101010111101010101010101010202020202020202222200001010101010101010101010101010010110101010010110010101101010101010101010000011000010101010100111010100010101010010
thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
The novel that you write is very fun and interesting to me. I love reading it very much when I'm free. Every story plot in all the chapter is great and good. I wish I could read it every day to fill my day. I also hope that the authors continue writing to the end and I always support your hard work. Thank you for your hard works and don’t drop or reboot it because I like to read your novel. Even though I spent a stone spirit I still hope you carry on your novel. I hope can read a new chapter soon possible because I can’t wait anymore after many and many months.
GoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGood
Shit... im crying now ---------------------------''''------//^&&&$;$&^#:^#&3*3;#&37&$^4&48*4^48$;$;$8$**4&38$8&474748;$^/&gdbhdndbhrbrbbfjrnurbrhrhjdijrhryjrjfhfjjfbgrrgrrurbrbud
Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....................................-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Well **** me sideways it's a great read..............................................................................................................................................................
Holy Pu'ssy i like it baby ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author has a strange taste for girls considering his choices for the supposedly MC's harem which turns me off. Only good ones are Samui and the 2 tails girl lol.
揭示劇透 Me agrada el fondo que le llegas a dar al clan kurogane, pero si se supone que son la sombra del uzumaki y que siempre están para protegerlos, su unica cualidad es poder absorver chakra del entorno? Sabiendo que el uzumaki tiene mayor cantidad de reserva de chakra, un físico más fuerte, y siendo un clan de sellos, me parece que la historia del clan kurogane esta bien, pero sus caracteristicas, no. El mc de tu historia parece ser el secundario mientra que naruto, el mc del canon, se le da todo, con quien se queda cada uno da igual porque ahi se ve con quien te gustaría verlo, pero siento que no le has dado un desarrollo a naruto y a kira lo hiciste totalmente desarrollado mentalmente, por mas que sea una reencarnación, no es como si en su anterior vida haya sido asesino, mercenario, o vivido en un ambiente hostil. Creo que no le das buen desarrollo a los personajes, sino que sólo los basas en tu opinión, mas no les das un argumento, el perfecto ejemplo es sasuke, recién le sucedió de la masacre a su familia y lo tildas por algo que no hizo en tu historia, ademas creo que sasuke sufrió también, ten en cuenta que su hermano al cual admiraba un dia sin razon alguna para el, asesino a todo su clan. Son muchas cosas que deberías mejorar, en lo personal tu idea me parece fantastica ya que nunca vi una historia con ese inicio, pero no supiste llevar bien, tuviste muchas ideas pero no te paraste a pensar lo suficiente.
It a Really Good Fanfik but I go out ( after 18 chapter when Terumi must be with Naruto ) and hate thise fanfik because all good girls will be with Naruto, but with MC... 💩💩💩💩💩( only Samui is good as for me) and its the reason why I go out and dont wont read more thise.... because its like the Naruto MC
Is BlueScorpion, or any other editor still working on this? I peeked in the later chapters and saw that grammar gets a little better, though, still not good enough. Question is, should I read it with a hope of a decent grammar? Or should I just forget about this novel?
cool............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......... ............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.........
Xpxpxpxpxxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxp xpxpxpxpxxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxp xpxpxpxpxxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxp xpxpxpxpxxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxp xpxpxpxpxxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxp xpxpxpxpxxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxpxp
Gdkbyrgryrkwhruekhyrkhwwkdgnakjoyrwykirwhoyretigtwitahieitwhwttwinagektiqetieqgkneqiywegkqyqeogkwqtiwittiwqtiwtiwktwitwitwwtjititwwjitwwtjwf
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Good story, minor grammar mistakes but nothing unexpected from a person where English is their second language. The AU is well thought out and I throughly enjoy it.
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Author here~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm glad that people like this fanfiction, the earlier chapters are badly written of course, since this is my 1st time writing, but remember, i said in the beginning that am writing from my phone so some errors will pass through without me knowing. I have university and am literally studying both medicine and programming, so i really get tired afterwards. Any sane person would have drop this story but not me, i want to finish it, to truly finish it. The 1st couple of chapters are badly written, something i will fix in the future, so if your still writing then am happy you like the story, if you don't then just leave and read other story. Due to university, my chapters will come at least 1 every week, but after December comes, i'll be able to write even faster due to my having no university. Once December comes, i'll also fix those chapters but until then, i'll leave them where they are, otherwise i won't be able to release once every week due to me fixing those chapters, so please just hold until December. REMEMBER I DON'T HAVE A LAPTOP AND I CAN ONLY WRITE THROUGH MY PHONE. I hope you can understand that. This has been the Author, peacing out ^-^
So writting quality is really bad. There are no paragrap, only sentence with space between sentence (enter) . And some word doesnt make sence. Even tho i am not native but the grammar are so bad that i even know that is really bad. The story?
exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp exp
I really love the different idea you have from all the other naruto fanfics i read how they leave the village and go to kumo ....................................................................................................
Overall i like the story, his bloodline seems similar to the rinnegans preta path with differences, maybe a hint with purple eyes. 82384883288228384858558483829234001010200210101010101010101010001101010111101010101010101010202020202020202222200001010101010101010101010101010010110101010010110010101101010101010101010000011000010101010100111010100010101010010
thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
The novel that you write is very fun and interesting to me. I love reading it very much when I'm free. Every story plot in all the chapter is great and good. I wish I could read it every day to fill my day. I also hope that the authors continue writing to the end and I always support your hard work. Thank you for your hard works and don’t drop or reboot it because I like to read your novel. Even though I spent a stone spirit I still hope you carry on your novel. I hope can read a new chapter soon possible because I can’t wait anymore after many and many months.
GoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGoodGood
Shit... im crying now ---------------------------''''------//^&&&$;$&^#:^#&3*3;#&37&$^4&48*4^48$;$;$8$**4&38$8&474748;$^/&gdbhdndbhrbrbbfjrnurbrhrhjdijrhryjrjfhfjjfbgrrgrrurbrbud
Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....................................-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Well **** me sideways it's a great read..............................................................................................................................................................
Holy Pu'ssy i like it baby ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author has a strange taste for girls considering his choices for the supposedly MC's harem which turns me off. Only good ones are Samui and the 2 tails girl lol.
揭示劇透