章節 38: Chapter 38 - Decisions
The next morning I woke as usual to Edward peppering my face with soft kisses. I rolled into him and we indulged in a short make out session before Edward pulled away. I pulled a disgruntled face, and Edward gave me a grin. "As much as I would love to continue love, your mother is about to knock on the door." I leaped out of bed and ran to my suitcase to change. I stopped short when I saw the lonely black piece of spandex, and groaned, cursing Emmett mentally just as a knock came at the door.
"Bella? Are you up yet?" my mother's voice drifted in from outside the suite. I reluctantly went and opened the door. She smirked as she registered the fact that I was wearing Edward's shirt. "Oh, I'm sorry honey, I hope I didn't interrupt anything- I just wanted to let you know that Phil and I are heading down to breakfast and Phil and Edward need to leave in an hour and a half to go to practice."
I inwardly winced at her knowing gaze. "Sure mum, we'll be down soon," I promised before shutting the door. I groaned and walked back into the bedroom to find an amused Edward still sitting on the bed. "She thought we were having sex didn't she?" I asked. He chuckled and nodded. I groaned and pulled him up off the bed. I kissed him softly and then reluctantly pulled away. "Well you heard her- we have to join them for breakfast."
Once again I raided Edward's suitcase for something to wear temporarily until I could buy more clothes. I ended up in one of Edward's blue dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows and a belt cinched at my waist. Due to the differences in our height the shirt stopped a couple of inches above my knees and was doable as a shirt dress. I was also back in the black boots again. Before we left Edward surprised me by pulling me in for a passionate kiss. I moaned into his mouth as he set my body on fire with his kisses. He pulled away when it was getting necessary for me to take another breath and we were both panting heavily- even though air was unnecessary for Edward. "Love, you have no idea what seeing you in my clothes does to me," he murmured, cupping my cheek.
"Well if that's the reaction I get I just might get rid of my wardrobe and always wear your clothes." I smiled exultantly, loving the way he had reacted, and was seriously rethinking the need to go out and buy more clothes today. After all, Edward obviously had plenty to spare.
He chuckled, "I'm afraid not love, I don't think my control is strong enough to handle it." I huffed.
We joined Renee and Phil for a quick breakfast before the guys headed off to the baseball stadium, and we headed for the malls. I loaded myself up with clothes for the weekend, as well as clothes for Alice, Rose and Esme. I also bought Renee a few things, and we had fun on our girl's day. I enjoyed everything except her knowing glances at La Pearla as I loaded up with a ton of lingerie since I had no spare underwear left.
It was when we got out of La Pearla that the questions started. "So honey, how good is Edward in Bed? Is he satisfying you? Are you being safe?" The questions just kept coming and I groaned.
"Mum, please!" I begged. I knew that there was no way she would believe that we weren't doing anything after this morning. "Yes we are being safe and that's all you need to know- I'm not discussing anything else with you." After all- abstinence was the best contraceptive method.
We continued shopping and I studiously ignored her other questions.
We finally got back to the hotel after lunch and I rushed into the suite to escape her and get to Edward. Inside Edward picked me up and kissed me, telling me without words that he had missed me. 'Did you have a good time?" I asked.
He smirked. "I had a great time. In fact I even got to play a little. You should have seen their faces when I hit the ball into the stands and got a home run." His face was smug.
I rolled my eyes at his cocky expression. "Edward you know you shouldn't show off- we can't all be prefect vampires you know."
He grinned, but then his expression turned sad. I frowned. "What's wrong?"
"I heard what your mother was thinking when you came back to the hotel- she was thinking about our future, and that we might have kids someday. I'm not perfect Bella, I can't give you that." His expression was pained.
I cupped his cheek softly. I realised that now was the time to tell him. "If we could have kids together would you want them?" I asked.
"Of course Bella, there is nothing I would like more than to be able to have children with you," he breathed, "But it's impossible for vampires to have children Bella. So there's no point in thinking about it-unless you wanted to leave me and live normal human life with a human man- I wouldn't begrudge you that." He looked so sad and earnest and if it was possible my love for him grew a little more.
"Oh no Edward; If I can't have children with you than I don't want any." I assured him. He relaxed slightly. It was time to tell him the truth. "Edward," I began hesitantly, "What would you say if I told you we could have a child together- a vampire-human hybrid?"
His eyes opened wide and he gaped at me. "What?" he asked in shock, "Is that possible?"
"Yes it is- with a human mother and a vampire father. Female vampires can't have children because their bodies can't change, but male vampires are still fertile after they're changed." I explained. Well he hadn't run away or said no yet, which I took as a positive sign. "We can have a baby Edward- I want us to have a child before I'm changed."
His face was still a mask of shock. "Bella, having a half-vampire baby inside you would be incredibly dangerous- how many hybrids are out there anyway?"
"Not many," I admitted, "Aro ran into them a long time ago."
And then came his most important question. "Did any of the mothers survive?"
I winced. "No," I admitted. "But.."
His face tightened and he cut me off. "I will not take the chance of losing you Bella, it's far too dangerous for you to try and carry a hybrid baby just so that we can have children." His voice was pained and angry.
"But none of them had any medical support Edward- you don't know the logistics- I'll have you and Carlisle- I'll be fine," I protested.
"NO!" he yelled, "I can't lose you Bella and this is far too dangerous." With that he made to leave to room, no doubt to go for a run and calm down.
I quickly threw a shield around him and stopped him in his tracks. "Please Edward, at least hear all the facts before you make a decision," I begged.
His eyes softened and he sighed before coming to stand beside me. I sat down on the bed and he joined me as I began to explain all I knew of hybrids. "I won't ask you to decide right away," I said as I finished, "I just want you to promise me you'll think this through thoroughly before you make a decision." He quietly agreed.
I left him to his thoughts for the rest of the night as we had an early dinner with Renee and Phil and toured the Statue of Liberty. Edward seemed to be able to push aside his worries and enjoy the tour with me- pointing out his favourite parts and explaining the history of the statue to me.
That night before bed I handed Edward the books to read while I was asleep.
EPOV
As Bella lay beside me sleeping I read through the books she had given me thoroughly. I had been undeniably shocked when she had revealed to me that it would be possible for us to have a child, but I could also tell that she was keeping some details from me. As much as I loved Bella, and wanted to have a child with her, there was no way I would ever risk her life- I knew that if she died I wouldn't be able to live without her.
However, I could see in her eyes how much she wanted this child, and I had been subjected to the sadness and wistfulness of Rosalie and Esme's thoughts as they longed for children they could never have. I didn't want Bella to be like that when she became a vampire- constantly longing for the impossible. I also wasn't sure whether she would resent me if I said no. I doubted it, because she was always so forgiving, but Rosalie and Esme would never forgive me.
That wasn't what bothered me though. I would deal with the eternal wrath of my whole family if it meant Bella was safe and happy, and while she would be undeniably safer without taking the chance of carrying a hybrid baby, she wouldn't be happier.
I read and reread the information, and went back over our discussion earlier in the day and her plans to ensure she would stay healthy as the baby grew. I had to admit that her plans for drinking blood, constant supervision by Carlisle, Rosalie or myself (The three in the family with medical degrees), and if possible, inducing labour early or having a caesarean, were all good ideas, and it could definitely work, however, I wasn't comfortable with using Bella as the test subject. In the back of mind I was constantly reminding myself that no woman had ever survived the birth of a hybrid before.
That wasn't the only problem though. I was not even sure that I had the control to be intimate with Bella without hurting her. While I knew she had her shields, and that would probably help, I couldn't guarantee that she would be able to keep them up in the throes of passion, and I also couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't accidently bite her, or be too rough and hurt her.
She had been testing my control lately, with her heated gazes and teasing looks. I had to admit that the idea of her in that tight catsuit had made my dead heart feel like it was racing. She had brought out the teenage boy's lust- something I had never felt before. Even as a human I had never found a woman who appealed to me, but Bella appealed to me in every way- her silent mind, her beautiful eyes and body, her intelligent insights into the world, her bright but sweet personality, her tantalising blood, and everything else about her.
It was not going to be an easy decision to make, and I spent the night alternating between watching her sleep and mentally making a pros and cons list. As the night went on I realised that I desperately wanted a child with Bella- something I had never even contemplated before in over a century of existence, but I also couldn't risk Bella's life.
Unable to come to a decision, I tucked Bella closer to me and waited for the morning to come.
BPOV
When I woke that morning, Edward still had a contemplative look on his face, and I realised that he hadn't made a decision throughout the night. He leaned down and kissed me softly when he realised that I was awake. "Good morning. I'm sorry that I don't have an answer for you yet love, but I promise that I will have made a decision by the time we get back to Forks."
I nodded in acceptance, realising that he would need more time to think it over. "Okay, but if you need more time, just tell me, you don't have to reach a decision yet, and remember I only want you to promise that we'll try- there's no guarantee that I would actually get pregnant. Besides, graduation is still quite a few months off- and I don't want us to have a child until after the wedding."
He smiled softly, "Okay love, I am taking into account everything you said, but I will have an answer before we get back to Forks- I don't want the opinions of our family to impact a decision that should be ours."
I grinned at him, "Thank you." Then I rolled over and straddled him. "Is there anything I can do to help convince you?" I purred, leaning down and kissing him while my hands trailed down his hard, muscled chest to the hem of his shirt. My heart started beating excitedly as I felt the contours of his ripped stomach. I began lifting the shirt, but was stopped by a vicelike grip on my wrists.
Edward's lips parted from mine and he groaned. "Not now Bella."
I sighed and removed my hands, rolling back so that I was beside him again. "I should have just held you down with my shields and had my way with you, then surprised you when I got pregnant," I muttered, annoyed that my attempt at seduction had been thwarted.
He raised an eyebrow, "Kinky."
I grinned, "Well we can save that idea for the honeymoon too," seeing his frown at how serious I was, I carried on, "And I want us to have a proper honeymoon regardless Edward," I said firmly. "If you decide that we shouldn't have kids then I will go on birth control beforehand, but we will have a proper honeymoon." I was determined.
He saw how serious I was and sighed, "Bella, I don't know if I can do that without hurting you," his eyes were worried.
"Well, I was actually thinking about that, and while I trust that you won't hurt me, and I have my shields as a backup, I was thinking that maybe we should practice."
Edward looked interested but wary. "What would practise entail?"
"Well, I thought we could work our way through the bases until the wedding- start small and work our way up. I think it would be best to go slow so that you can build up you control," I explained, "That way you won't be so worried on our honeymoon."
He nodded thoughtfully, "Perhaps, but it will be very slow Bella- and I need to be the one setting the pace," he warned.
I nodded enthusiastically; ecstatic that he had agreed to that part and hoping that meant I was a step closer to getting him to agree to us having a child.
Before I could convince him to start practising now, a chance glance at the clock made me realise that we needed to get up for breakfast.
Our day was filled as we took in some of New York's sights, including Central Park, a museum, and the Zoo. Both of us enjoyed everything, and were entertained watching Renee's almost childlike enthusiasm for everything. I successfully managed to put my anxiety over the fact that Edward was still making a very important decision about our future to the back of my mind so that I could properly enjoy one of the last outings I would get to go on with my mother.
The next day I spent the morning walking with Renee. She admitted that when I first arrived she had hoped to convince me to come and stay with her again, but after seeing me with Edward, and watching our obviously strong mutual love for each other she realised that she couldn't possibly ask that of me. We enjoyed the rest of our time together, but eventually it was time for Edward and I to head back to Forks.
I valiantly held back tears as I bid my mother goodbye and extracted a promise that she would be arriving in Forks just before our wedding.
The plane ride was quiet, and to give Edward time to think I watched the movie and reread Pride and Prejudice. Likewise, the drive home was also silent; my breathing and the gentle hum of the car's engine the only sounds interrupting the silence.
Instead of driving us to the Cullen house, Edward turned, and when we parked at the end of a familiar road, I realised that we were going to our meadow. I stayed quiet, yet hopeful as he slung me onto his back and took off, and despite my nerves, I still managed to enjoy the short ride.
He set me down in the middle of the meadow and turned to face me. I looked up; trying to read his expression, but it was perfectly blank. I frowned slightly. He gave me a small half smile. "Bella, I've decided that if this is what you want, then I am willing to try," he said softly, "Provided the whole family is prepared. I want you to know that I would love to have a child with you- a symbol of what our love created. I know you were worried that I might not want children, and to be honest, I have never even contemplated the possibility before a few days ago. But I do want this with you Bella," he assured me.
I broke out into a huge smile. His decision had not only made me incredibly happy, but he had also assuaged my fears that he might not even want children. I hugged him tight, happy tears streaming down my face. "Thank you Edward, I love you so much."
He smiled down at me, looking every inch an angel and slowly bent his head down to brush my lips with his. I responded eagerly, and the fire his lips ignited in me was all encompassing. We eventually parted, thanks to my current need for oxygen, but I was secretly was thrilled at the thought of the practise we could get in before the wedding.
Not really wishing for company at that moment, we lay in the meadow, basking in happiness and started running through possible names for our children. "Well for a boy, we could call him Edward," I suggested.
Edward scrunched his nose up, "I don't think so love, remember that he's going to eventually look older than us, and how are we going to explain why we're both called Edward- besides, it's not that great having the same name as your father."
I pouted, "Well how about Masen then? I think that would be a great name for a boy"
He grinned, "I like it- unusual, but it works." I smiled up at him. "We could also call him Charles," he suggested.
I smiled, "Maybe, or Carlisle could be a possible middle name."
Edward nodded in agreement. "What about girls? Have you thought of any possible names?"
"Yep, in fact for a middle name I was thinking of either Renesme, for Renee and Esme, or Rosemary for Alice and Rose."
He frowned in confusion, "How does Rosemary represent Rose and Alice?"
"Well we aren't having our daughter named Rice or Asilie, so I used Alice's first name- Mary, instead." I explained.
"Oh," he nodded thoughtfully.
"I also thought of some other possible names- Elizabeth for your mother," he smiled fondly at me, and caressed me cheek, "Or Charlize for Carlisle and Charlie, or even Jemma for Emmett and Jasper."
He smiled, "I think they are all good names, love, we'll just have to figure out which ones to use and in what order.
I nodded, "Well we'll have plenty of time seeing that our baby isn't conceived yet."
I was about to say more when an ecstatic Alice burst into the meadow. "Bella! As soon as Edward made his decision I saw your babies!" she squealed. He eyes were sparkling and her whole body was vibrating with excitement.
I leapt up. "You did! That's wonderful. What does our baby look like?" I demanded. Then her words properly registered. 'Did you say babies? As in plural?" I asked.
She nodded excitedly. "Yes, you two are going to be the proud parents of twin girls."
My jaw dropped open for a second before I beamed. I looked up at Edward and tipped my head up, joining him in an exultant kiss."
The kiss was short however, since Alice quickly pulled out colour drawings that were so good they looked like photographs. "Here they are guys, aren't they adorable? Oh I can't wait to go shopping for them."
Edward and I ripped the pages out of her hand, quickly flipping through them. The first was two newborns, in Edward's and my arms- I was still human, although I looked incredibly pale. We were each holding a wrapped baby, only their serene faces showing. Both had Edward's angular features, but with slightly more rounded faces, and small amounts of brown hair.
In the next I had been changed- my blood red eyes giving away my newborn status. This time the whole family was there and Edward and I were each holding a baby- but this time they looked to be a couple of months old- so I surmised that it must have been a couple of days. Their hair was longer, and was a rich mahogany brown with streaks of bronze through it. But it was their eyes that amazed me. They were the most unique shade of hazel I had ever seen- a rich emerald green with flecks of chocolate brown through them. "They're so beautiful," I whispered, stroking my fingers over the pages.
"Little angels," Edward agreed softly, his tone incredibly tender.
We continued through the rest of the sketches; snapshots of them as they grew older- there was one of them with Emmett, looking to be about twelve, and they were hunting a bear, and another with Jasper play fighting with both of them. There were many of them with Esme, Rosalie and Alice, as well as lots of Edward and I with the twins.
"Thank you Alice," I said, tears in my eyes. 'I can't wait for our little girls to be born."
Edward agreed softly. He seemed much more relaxed now that he'd seen that I would survive the birth of our children.
Eventually we headed back- only Rosalie knew at the moment, but she hadn't seen the pictures yet, because Alice felt that we should see them first. The others only knew that something important had happened and that Edward and I would have an announcement when we arrived home.
It was time to tell the Cullen's.
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