章節 4: Astral Injection

Why do we do something rather than nothing?

Who are we?

Have you ever thought about it? Before actually sleeping we have to lie down and act as if we were already sleeping. We close our eyes, relax our muscles, survive the assault of our wandering thoughts all the what-ifs and embarrassing moments of the day, then if we are lucky enough to get through these ordeals we will be finally welcomed back into the all-embracing darkness of emptiness.

This daily ritual may actually be the most common form of hypnosis we perform daily and it is one of those we unconsciously perform on ourselves, so it actually is Self-hypnosis.

To rest, our Mind has to act as if it were already resting. Slowing down, relaxing every function and part of the body that had been tense and active during the waking hours, your metabolism gradually turns from catabolic to anabolic. It's a passage regulated by the same parts of the brain responsible for waking you up.

But what happens when upon closing your eyes, instead of meeting that welcoming darkness so familiar to us, you find those strange questions?

Immaculate and unadulterated darkness, we could say it's a daily taste of the eternal darkness which comes with Death. We are are all so sure that upon closing our eyes we would always find her reassuring presence.

You know, darkness is valuable. Never take it for granted that with each blink you will be welcomed by the same old darkness which has accompanied you since your birth. Really we rely so much on it, you are looking at a cringy video? Close your eyes, darkness shall quickly wipe away any trace of discomfort. Tired of studying for today's exam? Yes, today, because you did nothing yesterday afternoon and woke up in a panic at three a.m. No problem just close your eyes and get some more sleep, it's not like the end of days is coming...

I admit it, this is the price to pay for being so reckless, I would have never expected that my journeys and experiences in Dreamscape would have aroused the attention of Morpheus himself. I was so close to finally bridging the gap between the two worlds... No more darkness, no more boring sleep, Lucid Dreams for everyone! Can you even imagine such a world? Any simulated reality would be left in the dust by the sheer power of the human Mind and Brain!

How could the overpriced product of some puny researchers and tech companies compete with the result of almost 5 billion years of evolution? This is the best gadget on the planet, and most importantly, it's free!

Imagination and reality would finally fuse in the melting pot known as our Mind to create a new reality, a Surreality! Amazing right? Then, if what I am saying is really so great, what kind of hubris did I commit to earn the wrath of Morpheus, the god of dreams himself?

Well, I don't know, I just needed a few more nights to finally tear apart the Veil of Maya after toiling for more than a year I had already savored some of the fruits of my work, but apparently, I had violated some great taboo.

I admit that I got really scared, it was the first time that something unexpected had happened to me during this kind of dream. You could even say that Lucid Dreams were the polar opposite of Nightmares, in the former your Will is unhindered like a God in Heaven, in control of everything, while in a Nightmare your Will is sealed, and the greater the sealing the more it's horrifying, you are in control of almost nothing even waking up may be difficult, but let's get back to old man Morpheus.

Well, I think he took a form which resembled authority in my unconscious so it couldn't be helped that he just looked like Aldo, the old grandpa who used to visit my father's Kebab shop. I haven't seen him for a few months, but he should be fine with his eccentric personality, still, my father thinks that the Secret Services have finally got him good. Well, seeing an old man with a wooden leg suddenly appear like that in your dream would surprise even Argus.

You could say I am some kind of beta-tester because I was among the first to experience this new Surreality. Well, I'll start my review by saying that it's pretty draining, I think there is a reason why we can only dream during sleep and not while awake and this is one of them.

The brain is already responsible for 20% of our energy consumption and that is when we are normally awake, even though it only makes up for 2% of our weight, and I noticed that upon entering what I call 'Surreal mode' the consumption may rise by several folds depending on what you are trying to visualize and in general perceive.

It is certainly not sustainable if you are a hunter-gatherer in the wilderness of Africa trying to survive on berries and small game, but it shouldn't be a problem if you don't exert yourself too much, we live in the era of fast food, but we will move into that later.

However, what I find a bit problematic may be the drastic personality changes that some people may experience, this new World challenges any form of preconceived notion of reality and with it the idea of Self.

Upon witnessing how many facets this world has, many people would start to doubt whether their personality is just as stable, in fact, they may treat their Self as just one big mask but the problem then would be to find the original face(see the koan). That, of course, is just a relative problem as many already hold such views.

Now, leaving out the energy expenditure and the greater self-plasticity, this Surreality could actually be considered a gate to deeper layers of the Mind, a version 2.0 of the 100000-year-old version we are currently using.

After reflecting on Morpheus gibberish for a bit I realized what might be the implications of his words. If time is truly the horizon of being as Heidegger said and we can take the Mind as a good approximation of the concept of Being, then this Surreality might just be the Fourth Dimension itself.

What I found the most enlightening during my journey was the experience of my Life, or better of my past, I remember being at home and trying to explore again the new realm of Surreality and it was exactly while trying to recount my life up until then that it happened.

You know when you try to do something similar you usually have a few flashbacks of the most important moments of your life, all your first times, best times and worst times and they are usually less and less as you go further in your remembrance due to your ever-growing numbness to experience itself.

I was surprised to see no flashbacks of any kinds, instead, I saw myself hovering in the darkness and looking below at my small chibi-self, or at least the oldest memory I had of me, growing up and living through time, I could see an azure halo circling my Past Selves as they appeared one after the other like a light pillar made of people, it was so strange to see all them together, and couldn't help myself from chuckling as they just looked like a worm boring out of the earth. The pillar was reaching out to me, their future.

They inched closer and closer to me as the pillar rose higher and higher, I could see my kindergarten slim me chubby up into a fat boy and staying like that up until now, the ring of Selves expanded with my height and waist with the halo around them clearly marking the border.

Looking more closely I could see some bruises and injuries on the knees of my childhood Self which would have healed by the time the next Self had appeared after it, leaving only a darker mark on them but they would open up again a few Selves later due to the extremely low dexterity I had and which even now currently plagues me, my knees were like a field of poppy, with the changing seasons and the passage of time the painful scarlet blood would fill the fields and myself of pain. Yeah, my painful falls are some of the memories I hold dearest.

As I hovered there above them I noticed that I could move, but when I did so the Past Selves would stop appearing, so I waited until they all eventually lined up together. I attempted to count them and there were at least a few hundreds of them but I also noticed a few special things. Some of the halos around my Past Selves were brighter than the others by several times and a few of the most recent Past Selves disappeared after a bit.

When I realized that I could finally move I decided to near one of my older (or should I say younger?) Selves, I chose him because he had one of the brightest halos, compared to others he looked like the Sun. He was riding a bike, he seemed to have just turned back his face, which was a mix of fear and excitement, he clearly stood out from the other dull faces of my Past Selves. Yeah, my life isn't that exciting.

While trying to examine him more closely I accidentally touched his, well it really is mine, bike and suddenly everything started crumbling. The dark emptiness I had been standing in broke up inch by inch as a spotlessly white space appeared, it looked like the brightest of canvas, only I and my happy Past Self remained.

Slowly from beneath his bike, a shadow was cast on the blank space and gradually the entire space was filled with a myriad of sensations as I was pulled inside the shadow. It was his and my shadow and from inside of it I could feel myself, not as some stranger inside someone else's body, but as an integral part of this world.

I could see my dad, who had by then stopped holding me from behind, smiling proudly as his son went on his own way. My mother had been concerned all the time about my safety also didn't feel fear for a moment as happiness got hold of her, my sister also smiled as she looked at me from her tricycle. I couldn't just see them, I could feel their emotions and see things from their perspective, it was a kind of hyperrealistic memory, the clarity of the experience made it seem more real than reality could ever be.

My position couldn't easily be pinpointed, I was inside the shadow and at the same time inside of everything, I could sense the mulberry bushes where we would go with our neighbors to eat berries and even perceive the heat of the sun hidden behind the clouds and the flowing wind who at the time blew so strong against my face.

Then it happened. suddenly I felt a pull from my Past Self's head, the force grew stronger and stronger until it forced me to reluctantly leave.

When I entered his head, we were again in the empty sea of darkness but I was quick to notice that this time there was a strange tree hovering next to us. It should have been a mulberry tree but it had no branches nor roots and the trunk was so thin, I almost mistook the tree for a rather long branch, and contorted that it surpassed the most severe case of scoliosis, its bark was pallid and lifeless.

This time it was just us two, me and my Past Self, he got up from his bike and looked at it for one last time. The spell which had frozen him in time had worn off as he looked at me in the eyes and our selves were reflected in each other's eyes and souls. We felt one and the same. He smiled at me, for a moment he seemed to hesitate before resolutely waving at our bike, the gesture triggered some kind of change as I felt the previously stable space begin to shake. It was shrinking under the mighty power of the mysterious quake. The bike dissolved into white particles as an orb of white light appeared in the hands of my Past Self.

There was no hesitation when this time he kowtowed three times before planting the orb in the darkness below us, I looked at him dumbfounded. For a moment nothing happened before two green roots began to sprout from the tree near us, they greatly contrasted with the grey dullness of the tree's bark, they grew with a vigor that seemed impossible for a tree on the verge of death. We were already pretty close to the tree and even though I felt no danger, I felt compelled to distance myself before anything strange could happen.

Almost as if to confirm my doubts, the two roots began to weave through the darkness like snakes seeking for prey and they were dangerously getting closer to us. Apparently, this tree had gone senile and considered us prey, I tried to alert my younger self but besides looking at the roots with a fervent glare he did nothing else. I was helpless when the tree actually decided to put his roots in our bellies, no that wasn't enough right? Each root split into tree and I noticed that even though they were green from the outside their sap was actually azure, the one going for my young self was pale green though, then they actually did the same for our hearts and spine.

What can I say, the feeling was similar to recovering control of a tingling leg but also discovering that it's not just a leg, it's the third leg you have had all along but were unaware of. Yes, the best way to define it would be a strange uncomfortable surprise.

At the time I had no idea of what was happening and only felt a sense of suffocation as the eerie place shrunk at a rapid pace and due to the overwhelming sensorial orgy as we were synchronizing. My Past Self didn't say anything, he only looked behind me with a fearful expression on his face as if some great danger was approaching us. When I tried to comfort him, no words came out and I realized that I could barely think, it seemed like in this place I could only be a spectator.

My Past Self seemed to realize my intention, he smiled dumbly, torn between fear and the fact that he could rely on someone, however unreliable he may be. We waited together for the space to close up completely, knowing that we were safe as long as we were here.

It was then... We saw shadows lurking on the edge of the emptiness, it was impossible, how could something beside me exist in here? A place created by me. Only the gods could create something that is beside themselves.

The restriction which had prohibited any form of connection had been lifted, my Past Self realized it before me as he was a product of this space. He seemed to have realized the extreme danger we were in as he began kicking himself, he broke his nose with the first punch and invited me to do the same with his eyes. Apparently, this place relied on us to be stable, any damage to us would result in damage to the space, as a result the speed of shrinking rose considerably but the rising despair in my Past Self's eyes made me realize how dire the situation was.

"They are coming."

The shadows lurking on the edge got restless, the words of my Past Self seemed to have aroused the entity behind them as eyes began appearing on them and a net entwined the shadows into a monstrous figure. We were lucky that the space wasn't stable enough for it to ascend perfectly or my journey would have ended on the spot, instead it was an eye, a ring of purple fire, or should I say, a gaze that manifested.

Emotionless, cold, inhumane, I was looking at my puny existence though the Gaze. Nothing better than Oblivion would be better to describe the loss I experienced at that moment, if it hadn't been for the Tree roots pulling me back... That time, I would have fallen.

My younger Self screamed against it, he shouted in a strange language, his voice sounded strangely imposing despite him being only 5 years old, but there was no barrier of meaning between us, so I understood.

"FATE STEALER OF THE ABYSS, HOW DARE YOU VIOLATE THE COVENANT!"

For a moment the space stopped shrinking, the lurking shadows became still, the links connecting them were broken and so was their shape as they merged back into the emptiness, into me, they had been heeding the summoning of this alien existence. Only now, after being stolen I know that it was a Preta, one of the fallen creatures who had lost their shadow and now seek to recover it, sensing the bond that had been recently established between us, it appeared, thirsty of prey. The words of my Past Self cowed it back, but clearly, they wouldn't be enough to buy us time. The creature seemed to have some degree of control over the space as it was gradually stabilizing.

The ring of flames shook for a moment, the eye gazed at the tree behind us greedily before radiating a blinding light, it should have been some kind of signal as the net connecting the shadows grew darker and darker. Then, it spoke.

"Mortal, you were the first to violate the Original Pact, by now every Abyss Dweller above Knight level should have sensed your Heaven defying act! I just need to stall you for less than incense stick of time, then my Lord will finally reward me with my Shadow and free me."

He had been the nearest one to the bridge and had to thank his sensitive perception and good judgment or he wouldn't have been able to enter it in time, to be able to find such great prey, his luck was truly good now he only had to keep away others from stealing his promotion ticket to Sagehood. Right, he wasn't even considering us as a threat. Even though Knight level existences couldn't be considered top level, they were still powerhouses capable of sustaining the Destiny of a middle-level Civilization, they couldn't be trifled with and naturally, no average mortal could enter his eyes.

"You should be clear of your value, you won't be annihilated, you will serve our great Lord Asmodeus and his Magnificence and be rewarded beyond your imagination, the Third Dimension has been declining for several Samsaras and it is only a question of time before we and the Immortals find another way in, they have long ago tried to infiltrate your Universe through their Mountain Gates. Be smart and join us before it's too late... Wait, no, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"It's useless, even if Lucifer managed to recover his mind he might still be unable to buy me... Hehe now that you are in Our World, you exist by our own rules... You just happened to be in time for dinner!"

It seems like the words of my past Self had some effect, even though it tried to conceal it, I could see confusion and even astonishment in that previously indifferent gaze.

Now, have you ever seen a carnivorous tree? Because that's what it looked like, an all-out assault, suddenly the previously bald tree actually grew up a few branches, they were razor sharp and seemed to rival a divine blade in that aspect, radiating a chilling light, but they actually looked more like draining pipes than anything. Swinging wildly through the darkness they were met with the resistance of several walls of shadows, but they may as well have been made of paper, as they were useless against the sheer violence of the mulberry powered branches.

The walls crumbled into nothingness after winning the Preta a few breaths of time, the opportunity didn't escape the Knight's grasp as the ring of flames suddenly contracted into a single deep violet point, a miniature sun from which suddenly several purple tentacles arose and attempted a counteroffensive against the six Mistletein-like branches but even this last-ditch effort failed under the suppression of the space we were in.

"IMPOSSIBLE! How could a mere mortal, challenge a Knight?! What sort of abomination are you?"

Surrounded by all sides, the Preta Knight actually attempted to escape, in the end, his dear existence was always more valuable to him than freedom or he wouldn't have ended up in such a lowly condition but even this attempt was met by failure. As a bystander, I have to admit that the devilish smile on my Past Self's face made it seem as if we were actually the ones bullying him... But still the cute dimples that had formed on his cheeks made me understand why my mom always says that I was adorable, so I decided to forgive his mischief.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!"

With one last scream, the violet point was rapidly dismembered by the branches several times, the Preta tried to reattach itself every time and even its attempt at dispersing itself in several thousand selves failed as the branches just did the same and dismembered it even further. The splitting seemed to have been its trump card as the light of the violet point dimmed several times and in just a few moments it was turned into fertilizer by the branches, absorbed with one last wail.

Like that a feared Knight level powerhouse from the Abyss was gone.

The nourishment provided by the Preta was plentiful, a Knight level powerhouse couldn't be underestimated, the previously thin Tree was rejuvenated , the trunk had widened by several inches and several tens of leaves could be seen sprouting on the branches at a rapid pace, all of this seemed to trigger a change in the dark space we were in. What had previously looked like a starless sky welcomed the first ray of the Sun from over the horizon, the milky white light reassured me a bit after the series of plot twists I had witnessed, still, its appearance confused me.

With the death of the Preta, the restriction on our connection had returned, but I could still understand intuitively that we were momentarily safe through the synchronization with my Past Self. The Sun was sealing the path of any creatures trying to ascend from the Abyss but I also knew that danger could also come from above us as my younger Self kept looking at the sky anxiously.

*Crack*

The loud sound of glass cracking reverberated across the dimly lit space, an octagon like crystal floated in the midst of the space, cracks were spreading across its uneven surface as the sunrays rapidly scorched it, violet smoke was slowly spreading from the broken crystal and it slowly filled up the darkness.

*BOOM*

The crystal finally melted under the burning rays of the white sun, the tree also seemed to exert some kind of pressure over it as the sinister orb hidden beneath the molten surface was suddenly crushed to bits. Thousands of shadows suddenly appeared from inside of the orb, each shadow had dozens of faces wailing in despair, now that they were free, the white rays of light burnt them away, freeing them of their suffering. Now there was only one last face struggling to survive under the purifying light.

"The Fire of Nirvana... How... How could the Genesis Sun appear here... You... you are no common Shaman... You are..."

"ENOUGH! You really thought that you could escape through your Nexus? The foolishness of the tainted never ends."

Apparently the invader from the Abyss still had a few tricks up his sleeve as he attempted to escape with his Nexus, now that I saw the situation under my younger Self's control I was reassured, even though he was a child he seemed to know his fair share about the Fourth Dimension and the existences which inhabited it and with the synchronization I felt that it wouldn't be long before I eventually got to know all of that, but still I was scared by the vastness and depth of the darkness before me. As if sensing my thoughts, my Past Self said.

"In the end, even this sea of darkness will one day turn into mulberry fields."

They were words of farewell, and I knew I had to go, this experience really had a drained on my energies, luckily the Tree's growth seemed to have made the space undergo some changes as I just needed to will it for a gate to appear, leading back to my body and some well-earned sleep, unfortunately reality would disprove my hopes as that night I had my memorable monologue with Morpheus, it was the end of my first adventure in the World of Self.