章節 64: The unintended gift of suffering

|Innaya|

"What are you doing?" Arjun's voice snapped me out of my guilty haze. He had a bowl and cloth in his one hand, and in the other one, he held a bottle that seemed to contain orange juice. "Keep pillows underneath his legs and open his shirt," he ordered wetting the cloth in what I assumed was cold water.

I got up and did as he told. My hands shook a little as I worked my way on the buttons of Eshan's white shirt. According to the way Arjun was taking things normally, the painful realization of it not being alarming for him dawned on me.

Eshan had passed out in the past too.

Eshan had fainted in the past too.

Eshan had suffered as much as I had. Perhaps, that was a wrong statement. He had suffered a lot, a lot more than I had.

Eshan had been suffering all along.

I was such a fool to think that he had left me out of anger. How could I even bring myself to think that when it was Eshan in question? I was being foolishly ignorant all along. Eshan was too good to leave me out of rage. He was just too good to do that.

He had been away, but he wasn't punishing me.

He was punishing himself.

He was punishing himself when in reality, if there was anyone to be blamed, accused, punished, and perhaps, hit – it was me. He didn't deserve to suffer the way he did. It should have been me. It was me, but once again, like always, Eshan had taken it on himself, conveniently ignoring my faults and focusing only on where he had gone wrong.

How did I even get so lucky to get someone like him as my companion for the rest of the life?

As far as I remembered, I had done nothing good enough for the same, and neither my fate had been good enough but it seemed like, I just got way too lucky when God was giving out gems.

My heart ached even more as I looked at unconscious Eshan. His paled face continued making me feel horrible about myself for, I was the sole reason behind whatever condition he was, and he had been in.

"Here." Arjun pushed the wet cloth in my hand and turned to open the windows. "Wipe his face and neck. He shall be up soon."

Keeping my emotions at bay, I focused on the task in my hand. However, few tears managed to escape as I wiped Eshan's face. "It isn't the first time." It was not a question because it was the truth and rather a painful one.

Arjun just hummed in agreement.

Eshan stirred, blinking his eyes, and I suddenly felt alive. Arjun returned to the other side of the bed. Opening up the lid with his other hand, he raised Eshan's head a little and supported it there as he brought the tip of the bottle near Eshan's lips.

My eyes refused to leave Eshan's face. With his eyes closed, Eshan sipped on the juice little by little. Arjun had that soft look on his face, and there was a hint of sympathy in his blue eyes.

Around five minutes later, Arjun pulled back the bottle and slowly lowered Eshan's head on the bed.

"Don't move and keep your eyes closed," Arjun ordered, his tone was gentle but firm. Eshan nodded before his body relaxed on its own.

It was like watching a routine. They both were almost behaving in synchronization.

Arjun gestured towards the door, silently asking me to leave through his eyes.

I did not want to, but I compelled him. Casting a last look towards Eshan, whose face held a troubled expression, I left, giving them the privacy Arjun wanted.

Leaning my back against the wall exactly opposite to the door I had closed on my way outside, I looked at my feet. My thoughts revolved around everything that had happened so far.

To forget something, we must learn to forgive. Was forgiving someone that easy? I wondered to myself.

I had not forgotten what that sorry excuse of a human being did to my mother and me, and certainly, I had not forgiven him for destroying our lives with his greed. Try as hard I might, but I could never forget the things, and that made trusting someone difficult for me. I have always had trust issues. Always.

When I was a teenager, I had practically vowed to never marry and let a man have my heart, only to destroy it into the infinite pieces mercilessly.

I had to protect my heart and myself. As I grew up, I treasured that promise with everything I had, not letting another man in my thoughts, dreams, and most importantly in my life. Eshan entered my life, and before I could even realize, that promise was broken.

Eshan was something else. He was someone else. Someone who I hadn't thought existed. He was one of his kinds.

Not that I had so much knowledge about the male company and their behavior, but regardless it was the truth. I had never seen anyone like the man who was inside, oblivious to the turmoil he had put me through.

Was that how he felt every time my past had resurfaced, taking me into its clutches, and I had lost myself in the darkness?

Would he dare to forgive me for putting false allegations on him?

Would he dare to forgive me for comparing him to someone as disgusting as my father?

Would he dare to forget that I had thought so low about him despite having spent a considerable amount of time with him to know what kind of a person he was? But more than that, would he dare to forgive me for the same?

He might, but perhaps, I would never be able to forgive myself.

My heart flipped in nervousness regarding Eshan's reaction to my presence. Agreed we were talking before he fainted, but that was different.

Would he not want to see my face again?

Was he regretting marrying me?

Was everything over between us?