章節 12: Good and Evil
None of them could get out of there fast enough. Both Adea and Ellis were shaken up from their encounters. Adea was quiet as they packed up and swiftly headed back toward their cottage, wanting nothing more than to get home and out of the dark, to forget all about this horrific night. Ellis, on the other hand, could not stop going on and on about what he saw out in the woods. He described it in great detail, his voice quivering as he did so, but it was clear that nobody really believed him. Nobody it seemed except for Adea, who was ready to believe anything could be lurking in the trees around them, perhaps watching them right now.
Lyda was the worst of them all. Nobody could get a word out of her about what happened while she was out cold. Jay pressed her to the point of tears to tell them what happened, but Lyda was completely clammed up, not saying another word following her plea to go home. Her face was pale and her eyes bloodshot. It was an understatement to say that they were all extremely worried about her.
It took a bit longer to backtrack the way they had come. It was not so easy doing it in the dark, leastwise while everyone was on edge. The first they came to was Lyda and Adea's cottage just below the ridgeline. As expected, the doors were all locked, and it took Adea pounding on the front door and shouting as loud as she could to wake their parents. The second Matthias opened the door, Adea rushed forward and threw her arms around him, sobbing uncontrollably. It was difficult to explain what happened, as everyone seemed to have a different story to tell. Adea and Jay were barely coherent enough to make sense. Ellis once again could not stop talking about the monster he saw in the woods, rambling on until his brother elbowed him in the ribs, shooting him a look to be quiet.
Once Lyda and Adea were safe inside, Eran and Ellis prepared to walk Jay home before heading home themselves, but Alyra had come down and insisted that everyone spend the rest of the night there at the cottage, an offer they took without further question. The boys were allowed to accommodate themselves in the den while Jay and Adea went up to her room. Lyda still hadn't said a word, but she was unwilling to go down to the cellar alone. Unable to see her sister so distraught, Adea insisted she come with them up to her room instead. While Jay situated herself as comfortably on the floor as she could, Adea offered to share her bed with Lyda for the night, just as she did all those years ago when she was suffering her nightmares. It was not much different than being out in the wilderness, but it was enough for Adea to safe for the night. She only hoped the same could be said for her sister.
That morning, Alyra had gotten up ahead of everyone else to fix enough breakfast for everyone. She figured they would appreciate it after the night they had. The children were all still shaken by their experience. Every time Alyra tried to ask them about it, their words and stories came out muddled and incoherent. Perhaps, she thought, it was best to just let them forget about it.
Lyda had not said a word all morning. The color of life had returned to her face, but she had descended into a mood of despair that left her silent and withdrawn. She did not respond nor so much as acknowledge her friends or family throughout the day. Nobody knew what to think of her behavior, but Adea feared she had an idea of what was going on. Just the other night, something peculiar happened in her dream, but she would not have thought anything of it had it not been for Lyda's episode last night. Something was terribly wrong. The profane ritual they had performed in secret four years ago; Adea was almost afraid to question it, even in her head, but she feared its effects may have been wearing off. Could it be that they were losing control over their dreams? Could it be possible that whatever evil was tormenting Adea in her sleep might come back?
For three days, Lyda remained silent and isolated in the cellar. When it came time for her to continue her lessons with Iris, she refused to move from her bed Instead, for two of those days, Iris came by in the morning and sat by Lyda's bedside, just talking to her until sundown and doing everything she could to make her feel more comfortable. Then on the third day, just before Iris prepared to leave for the evening, Lyda came around.
"Iris?" she muttered in a raspy tone.
Iris was taken aback by the sudden sound of her voice. Her eyes lit up with glee and a smile spread across her face. "Yes, Lyda?" she said softly.
Lyda turned her head on her pillow until she was looking up at her mistress. It was the first time their eyes met in days, and Lyda almost forgot the softness in her caring gaze. It made her feel warmer than she had since that horrible night.
"Have you ever been afraid to go asleep?" Lyda asked.
"What do you mean? Like afraid of dreams?"
Lyda's eyes went down for a moment as if in thought. "Like you may fall asleep and never wake up."
Iris took a deep breath as she tried to ponder Lyda's words. "Death. Is that what you're afraid of? To die in your sleep?"
"I don't even know," Lyda stammered.
"It's nothing to be afraid of," Iris responded, placing a hand over Lyda's forehead. "We always fear what we don't understand. It's natural."
"But what if I don't want to understand any of it?" Lyda sobbed. "What if I just want to be free of it, even if it means living an ignorant life?"
"Hardly an ideal one," Iris said, gently stroking her hair. "You're strong, Lyda. One of the strongest young women I've ever known. Your wisdom has always been your greatest quality, and sometimes our strengths are also our greatest weaknesses. If wisdom means bettering the lives of others, then I wouldn't trade it for anything, even if it meant understanding things that keep us awake at night."
Lyda could not find any words to say, but her mind was swarmed with thoughts as she pondered everything her mentor had said. Wisdom. As far as she was concerned, there was no one wiser than Iris.
After she left, Lyda still did not come out of the cellar, but she thought long and hard about what she felt she needed to do. The things she had seen the other night scared her beyond comprehension. How could something like that possibly be used for the sake of others?
Lyda remembered everything she did for Adea four years ago to stem the night terrors she was suffering, She knew that her motives were sincere, and she would gladly do it again for her sister. But she could never tell another soul about it; Aunt Mara's book and the profane ritual, nobody could know about either of them. Her parents would lose their minds if they knew. In a way, she feared her father's iron fist almost as much as the nightmares she learned existed. And what about the Valley? If word got out that she and Adea had dabbled with the Spirits, they would surely face the same shunning as Mara.
As Lyda paced the cellar that night, her emotional state slowly transitioned from distraught to angry. She wanted to take Iris' words to heart, but no matter how she tried to look at it, she feared what her parents would think of her. It wasn't fair. From a young age, everybody in her life had been denying her the opportunities she deserved. For the first time, she was truly angry with the Mistresses for refusing to let her train as an oracle. She deserved it! It was what she was born to be! In fact, thanks to everything she taught herself in secret, she felt that she was fully prepared to stand before the Mistresses and claim that she knew more about the Spirits than anyone in the Valley. Perhaps that was why they tried to have her sheltered. That must have been it. They were afraid of her. They were afraid of how much she might learn. Well, she would show all of them. If they wanted to keep her from being who was meant to be, then she would do it behind their backs. She would become the greatest oracle to the Spirits her people ever had.
It did not take more than a day after the ruined camping trip for Adea to regain her composure, but in the days that followed, her attention was entirely focused on her sister. She had never been more worried about Lyda than she was now. When she finally started talking again and emerged from the cellar, Adea pressed her to talk about what happened in her sleep at the campsite. She hated asking her to relive it, but Adea did not understand how it was possible. For four years, the two of them had absolute control over their dreams, or at least they were supposed to, so how could Lyda have experienced any nightmares at all, let alone one that could cause her so much distress?
Eventually, Adea saw fit to just stop bothering her sister with it altogether. Perhaps that was all she needed to move on. Ever since then, Lyda did not speak much to anyone except for Iris, and it brought Adea's spirits down much like it did four years ago. It was not until a couple of weeks had passed that Lyda started opening up to her again, but all she had to say was how discontent she was becoming. She felt cheated, like she was meant to be so much more than what she was being raised to be. It didn't make sense to her that everyone spoke of how proud they were of the young woman she was becoming, yet they did everything to hold her back. At least, that was how she felt.
The more Adea heard it, the more her sister's words sunk in. She was so distracted while she spent the morning in the garden with her mother that she didn't say a word for hours.
"Mother?" she said at last.
Alyra looked up from shaping the soil. "Yes?"
Adea took a deep breath, unsure exactly of how to speak her mind. "Why won't you let Lyda serve the Spirits?"
Alyra was taken aback by her question. That was something she would almost expect to hear from Lyda, but not her youngest. "What are you talking about?"
For a moment, Adea feared that she was beginning to tread on thin ice. "I just don't think Lyda's happy. She wants to be more than just a healer."
Alyra broke eye contact as if trying to think of the right thing to say. "Adea," she began, "you're too young to understand. It was never up to us."
"It was up to the Mistresses?" Adea cut in. "Lyda thinks they're afraid of her because she might be smarter than them."
"Oh does she?" Alyra snickered. "Sweetheart, listen to me. Lyda is very gifted, but the Mistresses are where they are because they are the wisest in the Valley. Your father and I trust them to know what's best for Lyda's future, as well as for yours."
"But that's not fair!" Adea protested, sitting up on her knees. "She should be able to be what she wants. We all should! It's not the same for the boys. Eran and Ellis were allowed to follow their own path. Why can't we do the same?"
Alyra's eyes lifted as she looked at her daughter with an expression of understanding. "Is that what this is about?" she asked sternly. At the sound of her tone, Adea glanced down as if in shame. "Hey, look at me," Alyra continued. "I know you think it's unfair. I did when I was your age, too."
"Then why do we have to do what they tell us we have to do?"
"Because," Alyra said, letting out a sigh, "it's just who we are." She moved closer to rest a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Our ancestors had a belief, Adea; a principle deeper than it was held by any of their sister tribes. They believed that all life is sacred, but none more so than women. What form of life is more beautiful than that which gives it?"
Adea could not hide her smile. "But I still don't understand that."
"I don't expect you to," Alyra replied. "My mother told me once that we as women are capable of embodying all that is best and beautiful in mankind, but that it comes with a cost. If not taken care of, a woman could become the very worst, capable of things deemed truly abominable."
"Like what?" Adea asked with curiosity. She couldn't help but think back to that night at the ritual site, when Lyda cut the heart from the helpless hen. She could not understand it; it was the most horrific thing she had ever seen, but Lyda was adamant that she had done it purely for her sake.
"Don't think about it," Alyra answered. "The point is that our ancestors believed it was essential to help direct women on the path to serving the best interests of not only their people but all mankind. That's where our traditions come from, sweetheart. Don't think of it as unfair, and if the boys ever tease you about it, just tell them it means our ancestors say you're more important than them."
Adea laughed on the outside, but inside her spirits were still down. Not because of everything her mother told her, that was actually uplifting to her. Adea was worried now more than ever about the wellbeing of her sister. She was not sure what to believe. Lyda had always been everything she looked up to her to be, but the idea that women may have lived in such a wide spectrum of good and evil terrified her. Her mother was right, she was too young to understand this. None of it made proper sense to her. She would have her believe that the Mistresses know what is best for Lyda, so why was Lyda acting so strange and rebellious now? More to the point, Adea feared what Lyda might be capable of if she did slip away. It scared her even more to wonder what she herself might be capable of.
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