章節 4: Trying to Deal With an Absurd Reality
No matter how much I stare these hands remain pale, thin & slender. Wrong hands. Wrong shape. Wrong colour. Whereeeeeeeee are my muscles? Sob Sob. My nice lean muscles gone. I worked so hard!!!! So why am I left with useless pretty sticks?! Wait. That's not the really important question now, is it? Am I stalling? Yes. Do I want to face this reality? No.
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Sigh. I have to anyway no? Why am I an adult? I don't feel adulty enough. Where's an adultier adult when you need one? Some days I really hate being brought up to be a responsible adult. So let's adult. Sigh. So either I was having a serious spilt personality problem or I'm just downright crazy. Mmm.
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I don't think I would know it myself if I were crazy so can't say anything about that hypothesis. Hypothesis. That word has always fascinated me. It always makes me feel like there should be something more to that word. Something... mmm, I don't know. Something.
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Hau! I went off tangent again. Sigh. So the other scenario. Doubtful if it's split personality. I don't sense another personality within this headspace. I doubt there's a hidden one as I have been doing a lot of diligent head & soul searching since I noticed this discrepancy between my bodies. Is that even the right term? Sigh. I don't even know. Do I even care right now? Sigh.
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What was that line from Sherlock Holmes that Sherry kept quoting because she felt it was "the ultra-uber truth of the world", whatever that means? Ouch! Why does thinking hard hurt toooooooo? Mommy this is so shrieking unfair!!!
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Sigh. Anyway. Remembered the quote. "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." So now I need to do this. Eliminate all possibilities so I that the truth is uncovered. Since I don't think these are mental problems. Hopefully. Dear Lord I hope I'm not crazy. Crazy people have no effing rights!! Sob Sob. Coming back to matter at hand, then I must venture into more fantastical options.
I don't think someone performed illegal full body plastic surgery on me. I mean who would go through that much trouble for a completely normal potato that is mostly antisocial & doesn't even talk to people, let alone harm people. Though that would explain all the pain no? ...
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No! Let's look! Look look look look! Okay okay okay okay. No marks no cuts nothing that remotely feels surgery-like. So if we throw that theory tooooo... then that leaves what?
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