章節 19: Worried

Lilac's POV

Luckily school starts next week. At least I will have some time to walk around in Korea first before I start studying. As I was walking down the streets, I could see a lot of young couples holding hands enjoying their time. I look at them with envy because I was also once like that. But also because of him I actually stop liking guys. Until now in my eyes there's only Yoon Gi. It's so hard for other people to come into my heart. I've always been so cold hearted to guys that makes people think that I hated them. It was just a natural reflex. Whenever I see a guy after that incident, I look at guys with disdain But I'm always nice to all the girls. That's why some people were curious of why is my attitude so different facing the two different genders. It was not beacuse of Yoon Gi but beacuse of a person I call father that I hated guys.

I know that it's not fair for me to treat them like that but I just couldn't help it. When I continue walking along Han River, I find peace and the feeling of relaxation crept into me. It just feels so nice when the wind blows as winter is coming near and the autumn wind is cold. I shivered when the cold wind hits my skin. When I look at those guys who gave their girlfriends their jacket or sweater, I just smile. Looking at these beautiful scenario makes me realize that my heart doesn't hurt anymore. Maybe because I no longer care. 7 years for me to heal my heart. It really took quite some time. As long as I could be fine again, I'm willing to live my life alone forever. I just find it hard to trust guys again. Everyone say that trust is the basic of a relationship. Without trust, your relationship can't go anywhere. Last time when I read those words it felt nothing to me but now I realize that it speaks the truth.

If he would have trusted me that year, he wouldn't have left. We would still be together. But puppy love is still puppy love. It doesn't last long anyway so I shouldn't felt that much pain. Although I always tell myself that he's not worthy of me but I will always think differently. No matter how much I try to console myself, most of the time it doesn't work. That's the truth and it's a fact. I don't know how much I tried to hold back my tears after he left but I just can't. I couldn't bear to tell my mother because she had warned me not to get into a relationship. It was my own fault for not listening to her. I've ignored her warning and gone against her. That's why my parents sees me as a useless child that always defy them and had no chance to continue to be better.

At first, I did try to prove to them that I'm also able to do well. But now I don't want to prove to anyone anymore. I'm doing it for myself. I just need to work hard for myself because this is my future. No one else can decide my future for me. However I will still be affected by people around me. Every things the people around me talk about will affect me no matter what.

To: Ji An

Hey An. I arrived already.

From: Ji An

That's great for you. Is the weather nice there?

To: Ji An

It's quite cold here. Since winter is coming so the autumn wind here is very cold especially at night. How are you doing there?

From: Ji An

I'm actually doing quite good because there is another university offered me scholarship to study there. My mom don't need to spend much. So yeah. Life had been kind of good for me.

To: Ji An

That's good then. I was worried that you will be upset with me getting the university here and leaving you there.

From: Ji An

No lah. It's all based on luck too. Unfortunately I was not as lucky as you so I couldn't get into the same university as you. I hope that you will take care of yourself since you're on your own there. Be very careful okay.

To: Ji An

I know. I will be careful her. Good luck in your studies kay!!

From: Ji An

En.(1)

Although I know that Ji An said that she doesn't blame me, I still feel quite upset because we couldn't study together anymore.

Translation:

1.en-yes in chinese

Hey lovelies, this is the only draft I have here on Webnovel because the rest of it are in my laptop. So I will try my best to write using my phone.

Lots of love,

lovehalsey

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