章節 15: 15. ENEMY
"hold on" he wrapped his arm around me, and in a split of a second, I felt like somebody had put me inside a giant mixer. My feet aren't touching any ground, My brain gone fuzzy and damn, I feel like puking my guts out. Weird sensation that I definitely abhor with all of my being.
The moment I feel my feet touch a solid ground,
"What the hec- bueergghhhhhh" I just vomit. I wish it got on Kuro, but he was fast enough to evade it. Should've aimed better, since he was the one who made me puke. When was the last time I had puke? That was like 12 years ago, near the club, before I had Ailee.. back when I was too young, naive and stupid.
"i'll kick your nuts if you make me go through that again." I glared at Kuro. He only look at me with amusement before flicking his wrist. The dust around us cover my leftover… uhmm, I think that's enough mentioning it. Let's just forget it and get back to the point!
"they are here, down that isolated alley." he nodded at the worn out building in front of us. Between those building, there's a small cobblestone path that lead down through the place. It totally reminds me of the old Itallian village back in the earth.
"what are we waiting for?"
He glance at me, as if checking me up. For what, I'm not sure.
"Let me handle this. You stay here. You're pale. Sit on top of the barrel and wait for me." he point at the big sturdy barrel near the empty stall.
He was telling me to trust him to handle it. To find my daughters… when he is basically still a stranger to me.
"will you trust this stranger husband of yours?" I bite my lips and rubs my left cheek. I took a deep breath.
"okay. Fine. But if you're late, I'll storm there"
"deal." and just like that he was gone.
I couldn't sit still. It's like something worm up into my ass. I keep on chewing my lips until it bleed. Watching the time, it only been a minute but it felt like an hour already passed. I don't like this worrywart side of me. I had promised to myself that I need to let my kids grow independently. I had been strong so far, but in actuality, I was weak and scared. I was scared that my kids will grow up and end up like my pathetic me in the past. I was scared that they wouldn't grow strong and healthy because of my weaknesses and incapability as a mother. That had drives me to act and believe that I am strong. But each time, I did something wrong, it crush me so heavily that I'll beat and hate myself even more.
"that is not healthy way to live, Iiana.." once, my mom told me. "you'll end up with a strapped straightjacket around you inside a white padded cell."
"rather than beating yourself… forgive yourself and handle it one at a time.. we are not hard wire to do everything in one time. But when we are presented a chance that could knock more than one from our list, then we'll take it head on. Thats how you survive in this world"
And that was how I lived until now. I chuckled drily. How can one forgive themselves when you hate so much? Time will heal they said. I call it a bullshit. Time did not soothes my anger, hatred and wrath. It only ticked and keep reminding me, no matter how many times, it tick and tock… it's still there, rooting deep within me. In the end I came up with a solution. To believe that I can move on and write another future for me, for us.
Yes. That's how I should be and always be. I stood up.
"i can't wait here." activating the fly skills, I flew above the building to find them. There, the sight that greeted me then made me land on top of the roof, watching it closely.
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