章節 7: THE THING CALLED “FILIAL PIETY” IS A LITTLE OVERRATED
Hua Zhendan watched Shen Rui as she wiped the corners of her mouth with a napkin as they ate dinner together at a sushi place. After several failed promises from him, he had finally agreed to have dinner with her.
As Shen Rui wiped her mouth meticulously, Hua Zhendan immediately reconciled her image with that of Xuan Tianmei whom he had watched working several times over the past month, wiping off makeup in the same manner.
Hua Zhendan suddenly felt stupid. The reason Xuan Tianmei kept giving him déjà vus a little too often was that she was a carbon copy of his mother. Surprisingly, this uncanny semblance wasn't limited to their faces. It extended as far as their facial expressions and comportments.
At one point, he had noticed the similarities between both of their demeanors. It was the reason he liked Xuan Tianmei a lot after all. The problem was he didn't realize until now that they had the same face.
"Ma?" he called.
"En?" she answered.
"I just realized that Tianmei Xuan... Looks exactly like you, when you were younger." Hua Zhendan's tone was almost accusatory.
Shen Rui smiled wryly. Listless, she asked, "She does, doesn't she?"
"How did you two meet?"
"I was visiting a friend in Pingjing on the eve of the Spring Festival. I bumped into her."
"Oh?" Hua Zhendan muttered.
"Yes," Shen Rui said. "I was struck by how much she resembled me. I offered her a modeling and acting job. She refused both. Finally, she told me she was looking for a job as a makeup artist, so I referred her to you."
Suddenly realizing something, Hua Zhendan furrowed his brows. "You were in Pingjing on Spring Festival eve?"
"Yes," Shen Rui said. "Why?" she asked.
Hua Zhendan gave her a calculating stare. For a moment, he thought she might have followed him. It didn't seem like she did though. She probably hadn't even known he was there himself.
"If you were in Pingjing, why did you say you prepared a big feast in anticipation of my return?" Hua Zhendan asked.
Shen Rui laughed lightly, her voice silky, and pleasant to the ears. "Oh, that! I was trying to guilt trip you into coming home. Or at least, having dinner with me."
Hua Zhendan frowned. He hated how manipulative Shen Rui seemed to be. It was the reason he was mad at her in the first place. It had taken him three months after the Chinese New Year, but he had finally caved in to her guilt tripping and consequently taken her out to eat.
"Moreover," Shen Rui said in a serious tone. "If you don't tell me yourself that you're coming home, I won't prepare a feast in anticipation of your arrival."
Hua Zhendan's chest tightened at her words. He couldn't tell if she were expressing her thoughts or trying to guilt trip him again.
Shen Rui continued, "I've prepared too many feasts in anticipation of your arrival. Honestly, I no longer hold on to hope that you'll come back home.
"That's not to say I won't drop everything I'm doing and go home to prepare a feast if you do tell me you're coming home."
Hua Zhendan's food was becoming a lot harder to swallow. Although his facial expression was still stoic, he felt uncomfortable in his heart. On the one hand, he didn't want to put Shen Rui through the agony that came with having an unfilial son. On the other hand, he had indeed vowed never again to return home.
"How long are you going to be mad at me?" Shen Rui asked as Hua Zhendan continued to remain silent.
"Ma, please just eat your food," Hua Zhendan persuaded her. The intent of having a conversation about that topic was far from his mind.
"Is what I did so unforgivable that you won't even come home anymore? It's been four years, Zhendan." Shen Rui's voice was starting to sound like she was on the verge of tears.
Hua Zhendan's chest toppled over. The crack in her voice broke his heart, but she didn't deserve his pity. Humbled by the storm of emotions Shen Rui evoked in his heart, he said in a calm tone, "You tried paying off my boyfriend to break up with me. Is that something people can forgive very easily?"
"Da Zhen," Shen Rui called him softly, almost pleadingly. "Do you think this thing is something people can easily accept? I didn't know better back then."
Hua Zhendan smiled bitterly. "What about now, ma?" he asked. "If I brought home a boyfriend now and introduced him to you. Tell you I'm in love with him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Is that something you can accept easily?"
Tongue-tied, Shen Rui gaped at Hua Zhendan. His question wasn't one she had anticipated.
The truth was that she was still in denial about Hua Zhendan's sexuality. The reason she had paid off Qiu Dawei wasn't that she particularly disliked him, it was because she had found it hard to believe her son was truthfully gay. She had talked herself into thinking Qiu Dawei was a bad influence on her son and had therefore taken drastic measures to rectify the situation.
In these four years, knowing that what she did was distasteful and did warrant Hua Zhendan's anger, she had only focused on winning back his affection. She hadn't stopped to think about his sexuality and if she could accept it. Thus being suddenly asked if she could, had left her speechless.
"I thought so," Hua Zhendan said and stood up, mistaking her silence for rejection of his sexuality. "Ma, I still have work to do, so I'll get going now."
Before Shen Rui could utter another word, he bent over and kissed her on the forehead and walked away.
In truth, he was no longer mad at her. Not for the events of four years ago, at least. He was over Qiu Dawei now. That New Year's Eve night was proof that he was. He had been able to feel a connection to someone else after all.
Hua Zhendan was just mad that after four years of coming out of the closet, the person who should love him more than everyone else still couldn't seem to come to terms with the fact that he was gay.
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