章節 2268: Breakdown
While contemplating the words of the strange woman, Jin dragged his feet to the Royal Palace only to encounter Izayoi and Asuka approaching from the opposite direction.
"Oh? Is that our fearless Leader I spy...?"
Though he noticed the distinct absence of Lily and the fact Jin was looking more than a little worse for wear, Izayoi continued on as usual. He could be serious when he had to, but, unless the situation was dire, he rarely adjusted his behavior as a courtesy to others.
A stark contrast to Izayoi, Asuka's brows furrowed slightly as she asked, "Jin, where's Lily? Don't tell me you left her all alone or let her run off without you..."
Drooping his shoulders, Jin's expression became more melancholic than usual as he answered, "She disappeared before I could chase after her..."
With an expression that showed she didn't buy Jin's excuse one bit, Asuka retorted, "Do you expect me to believe that? With Shundo, you should have no trouble catching up even if Lily had a massive head start. If you didn't see her, it meant she was probably hiding somewhere nearby. Did you even bother searching?"
Though he had reached a similar conclusion earlier, Lily's refusal to answer his telepathic messages led Jin to believe she didn't want to even speak with him, much less be found. Since he didn't want to make things worse, he didn't even try looking for her. Instead, he chose to give her some space so they could both cool down...
Seeing Jin avert his eyes with an ashamed look on his face, a sudden and intense desire to lecture her would-be Leader manifested in Asuka's heart. Before she could go off on him, however, Izayoi inclined his head towards the group of heavily armored guardsmen nearby before saying, "There is no sense in talking about this outside. Our first priority should be finding Lily and making sure she's okay. It's pretty late so there's a good chance she's already checked in. We should do the same and then ask around."
Following Izayoi's gaze, Asuka noticed around twenty guards and two rather large wyverns staring at them from a distance. She still intended to give Jin a piece of her mind, but, understanding the reasoning within Izayoi's words, she eventually nodded her head and said, "Very well. If the Leader of Salamandra really is childhood friends with Jin and Lily, there is a good chance the latter's inside. Even if she isn't, we should be able to get a search party together if we fail to reach her."
As he was just about to make a similar argument, the corners of Izayoi's smile curled upward as he remarked, "Wow, brains and beauty. Seems like I hit the jackpot..."
Rolling her eyes, Asuka lightly bumped Izayoi with her shoulder before adopting a far more serious expression as she practically glared at Jin, asking, "What do you think we should do, Jin? Since you came all this way, I suppose you had something similar in mind...?"
Though his intentions were slightly different, Jin didn't hesitate before nodding his head. In truth, he suspected that Vahn had something to do with the fact Lily wasn't responding to him. He would sometimes try to contact her whenever she went to him for one of her 'consultations'. Areas under the influence of time compression had a strange effect on Telepathy. It was possible to establish a connection but the messages, more often than not, wouldn't go through. Even if they did, it would generally come out sounding like an auditory hallucination or a sudden, indecipherable blip.
"I'm pretty sure Lily is inside. The only other possibility is that she returned home but I can't imagine her doing such a thing without telling at least one of us..."
Seeing through Jin's thoughts, Izayoi remarked, "Seems like you stumbled upon the correct answer. I heard a couple of people talking about how the Sage Dragon Emperor has come to the North in order to form a 'union' with the Leader of Salamandra. It hasn't been announced to the public but there was apparently a pretty high-profile party a few days ago."
Showing even more surprise than Jin, Asuka asked, "What? Is that true? I didn't hear a single person talking about it. And what do you mean by forming a union? Don't tell me..."
Before Izayoi could confirm Asuka's suspicions, Jin's expression became noticeably more serious as he promptly ignored them to approach the group of guards keeping an eye on them. He had never discussed it with Izayoi, Asuka, and Yo, but Sandora was actually the first girl he ever had a crush on. If not for the downfall of his former Community, the kidnapping and subsequent return of Lily, and the abrupt annulment of their Alliance, there was a good chance they would have become a couple.
("Vahn...why is it always you? Will you not rest until you've taken everything from me...?")
Ignoring the fact that Vahn was one of the reasons Lily had given him a chance in the first place, Jin made his way into the Royal Palace with Izayoi and Asuka following close behind. The layout hadn't changed much since he was a child, so, even without an escort to show him the way, he was able to navigate to the Chamber of Flames without the need for a detour.
Though they were briefly obstructed by the Royal Guards guarding the chamber, it didn't take long for the trio of No Names to be granted permission to enter. When they did, Jin's heart immediately sank. Not only was Lily standing next to Vahn, but, even from a distance, he could make out the ring glistening on Sandora's finger.
"Jin~! It's been so long~!"
Since the only people in the throne room were people she trusted, Sandora momentarily shed her Royal bearing as she ran towards Jin with an excited smile on her face. It had been years since their last encounter, and, as Vahn had mentioned, he had matured into a very handsome and intelligent-looking young man.
Surprised that Sandora would run over to him, Jin habitually opened his arms only to feel awkward when she suddenly slowed down and asked, "How have you been? I really wanted to come and visit but my father and brother wouldn't allow it."
Lowering his arms, Jin did his best to conceal his embarrassment behind a serious expression as he answered, "I've been well. Things were looking pretty grim for a time, but they got a lot better once Vahn showed up..."
Directing his gaze towards Vahn, Jin had mixed feelings about the current situation. A part of him, deep within, was incensed beyond compare. At the same time, however, his gratitude towards Vahn made it difficult to truly resent the man. Vahn had rescued the No Names from their plight, restored their territory to its former glory, empowered its members, provided them with functionally endless resources, and shielded them from harm. He was also Jin's personal mentor, and, in many ways, the only reason he had been able to become as powerful as he had...
"Jin...?"
Returning his attention to concerned-looking Sandora, Jin figured he may as well confirm things directly, asking, "I heard you and Vahn were getting married? If so...I suppose some congratulations are in order..."
Though she felt a pang of guilt hearing Jin mention her betrothal, Sandora managed a smile as she nodded her head and answered, "You've heard correctly. Shortly after the formation of the Aldrnari Empire, I penned a letter inquiring if Vahn would be willing to become my partner. I was worried he would refuse in the beginning but he ended up saying yes after confirming I wasn't being coerced. He's a lot more considerate than most people think."
Hearing Sandora mention that she was the one that approach Vahn, Jin found himself at a complete and utter loss for words. He had assumed that Vahn had come to the north seeking to form a union for the sake of expanding the Empire. Instead, it was the exact opposite...
Feeling a little unsteady, Jin had to channel magical energy through his mind and body to maintain the illusion of calm. Then, with a clearly forced smile on his face, he said, "I'm happy for you...I really am..."
Noticing the contrast between Jin's words and his expression, visible concern appeared in Sandora's as she asked, "Jin? Are you okay...?"
Chuckling in an unnatural manner, Jin's smile became noticeably distorted as he answered, "I'm fine. Vahn is a truly incredible person. I mean, he already has well over a hundred lovers, but I'm sure you'll be happy together. He is Vahn, after all."
Despite his best efforts to remain calm, everyone present could see Jin trembling as a layer of moisture gradually developed across his eyes.
"Jin..."
Feeling responsible for Jin's current state, Sandora was about to step forward to give him a hug when Lily shouted, "Just stop already! Stop comparing yourself to Vahn and worrying about what other people think! Why are you so afraid to just be yourself!? You're an amazing person, Jin! Why can't you see that!?"
With tears rolling down her cheeks, Lily shouted in anguish for the first time since she was forcibly separated from her mother. She just couldn't understand what Jin was thinking. He was supposed to be a calm, caring, and rational person, but, ever since he returned from the Game Board, it was like he had become a completely different person. There was a possessive glimmer in his eye and he acted like everyone, even the people who helped him, were out to steal things from him.
Blaming herself for allowing Jin to enter the Game Board, Lily took a step forward with the intent to console him. The moment she did so, however, Jin's expression became desperate as he exclaimed, "You're telling me to stop!? I haven't even done anything! All I want is for things to slow down or go back to the way they were! You're the one that keeps pushing me to do things I'm not ready for! I'm trying to get strong enough to protect everyone but you keep dragging me off-"
Before Jin could finish, Sandora surprised him with a slap to the face. Her intention was to help him come to his senses, but, after a moment of stunned silence, a glimmer of indignant fury appeared in the depths of Jin's teal-green eyes. His right hand balled into a fist, but, before he could even think to throw it, Vahn appeared between him and Sandora.
"That's enough, kid...you're letting your anger cloud your judgment. Everyone here is either a friend or an ally. Calm down and let's talk thing through..."
Seeing Vahn appear before him, Jin began hyperventilating. He wanted nothing more than to beat the man's face, but, before he could muster the courage, Vahn left him feeling at a loss by suddenly pulling him into a firm, almost smothering hug.
"This isn't you, Jin. You are not the kind of wrathful person that would strike your own friends. Think about what you just tried to do..."
Though he was about to try and struggle free from Vahn's embrace, Jin stopped when he heard the former's calm yet penetrating voice. The notion that he was about to punch an eleven-year-old girl caused a shudder to run through his body. To make matters worse, the girl was supposed to be one of his best friends. Though he had ultimately chosen Lily, Sandora still occupied a very special place in his heart. Had he actually struck her, he never would have forgiven himself...
With tears pouring down his face, Jin's body began to tremble violently as he leaned into Vahn and asked, "What's wrong with me...?"
Shaking his head, Vahn tightened his hold on Jin's body, warmth exuding from his own as he softly replied, "Nothing at all...it's just as you said. You weren't ready..."
...
..
.
(A/N: This is the last chapter for this month until I've reached my first patron goal.)
章節 2269: The Pursuit of Oneself
(A/N: I didn't want to just post an update without any content, so here, enjoy a chapter. Just make sure to read the Author's Note at the end :P.)
Opening his eyes, Jin was surprised to find himself staring at an unfamiliar yet nostalgic ceiling. At his side, or, more accurately, sitting off to the side of the bed, was Vahn.
"Feeling better...?"
Rather than immediately answering Vahn's question, Jin focused on the pleasant warmth that had filled his entire body. It didn't eliminate all the negativity he had accumulated over the past few months, but it did make him feel a lot better.
"Yeah..."
Rising to a seated position, Jin ignored the fact he was wearing lime green pajamas as he looked around the room to confirm that he and Vahn were the only two people present.
"How's Lily doing...?"
Shaking his head, Vahn's expression and tone softened as he said, "She needs time. You both do..."
Though he nodded his head in understanding, the pained look in Jin's eyes was a testament to the guilt he was feeling. He didn't think he was wrong to want to take things slow, but after a considerable amount of soul-searching, he also understood how his actions hadn't exactly been fair to Lily.
While he could be highly self-centered at times, Jin wasn't stupid. He knew that Lily liked Vahn. His fear that she would be taken from him is what compelled him to enter the Game Board and subsequently propose to her.
When Lily agreed to become his girlfriend, Jin was over the moon with joy. More than anything else, however, he was relieved. Jin thought, from the moment Lily became his girlfriend, she would stop spending so much time with Vahn and, as a result, things would gradually return to the way they were. When they didn't, he felt as though she had betrayed him. Like she didn't care about their relationship.
In hindsight, Jin realized he had been expecting Lily to make concessions since the very beginning. He was incredibly fortunate that she had agreed to date him, yet, instead of relishing each and every moment of their time together, he focused on studying and increasing his strength. At times, he even avoided her outright. The only time they did anything together was when Lily attempted to force the matter. And what did he do in response? He, the person who had asked her to date him, lashed out at her for trying to progress their relationship too quickly.
Realizing just how contrary his behavior had been, Jin hung his head for the better part of five minutes before muttering, "Please take care of her for me...she...Lily and Sandora both deserve to be happy..."
"Kid..."
Shaking his head, Jin wiped away the tears building in his eyes before staring directly at Vahn and stating, "Please...please don't say anything. If this relationship has taught me anything, it's the fact that I'm not ready to bear the responsibility of another person's happiness..."
Looking away from Vahn, Jin stared at his open palms before clenching his hands into fists and saying, "You were right...people who are given things without earning them don't know how to appreciate them. I may have worked hard, but most of the power I possess is thanks to the help, resources, and guidance you provided. Even Lily...if you hadn't turned her down to try and support me, she never would have accepted to become my girlfriend..."
Closing his hands with enough force that his whole body trembled, tears began pouring down Jin's face. Despite this, an intense light glowed in his eyes as he clenched his teeth and said, "I'm tired of being weak! I want to become strong! Strong enough that I can grasp the things I want with my own two hands...!"
Returning his gaze to Vahn, Jin's expression became even more intense as he added, "I want to be like you, Vahn. I want to journey across various worlds to gather strength and accumulate experience through my efforts. I'm tired of everything being handed to me, only for it to slip between my fingers due to my weakness...!"
Understanding what Jin was asking, Vahn's expression became equally severe as he asked, "Are you sure about this, kid? Even if I send you away for a thousand years and pull you back to this exact moment, any chance you had at being with Lily would be gone..."
Shaking his head, Jin answered, "I'm not sure about anything, and that's the problem. I keep needlessly comparing myself to others and spend most of my time thinking about all the bad things that could happen if I allowed the Community to grow. I'm not qualified to be a Leader, and I'm not ready to shoulder the burdens of others. I need to find myself before I worry about anything else..."
Though he would be lying if he said he wasn't devastated by the thought of losing Lily, Jin had gradually come to the conclusion she was never his. She was a separate person with wants and needs wholly unrelated to his. As Vahn had told him long ago, relationships were a compromise between two willing individuals. If one side was incapable or unwilling to sacrifice for the other, both were bound to suffer.
Having formed his conviction, Jin stared into the depths of Vahn's subtly glowing pupils as he stated, "Please allow me to descend into one of your Actualized Worlds. If possible, I would like you to strip away everything that isn't my original power. This time, everything I achieve, every ounce of power I attain, will be acquired through individual merit and diligence!!"
Seeing the conviction in Jin's eyes, Vahn resisted the urge to explain just how foolish he was being. While it was essential to gain power through personal effort, the power obtained while cooperating with others served as the foundation of a person's strength. Trying to accomplish everything on your own was incredibly foolish.
Fortunately for Jin, Vahn believed that people should be allowed to make their own mistakes. He could be very overprotective when it came to his children, but that was the case with most parents. If they truly wished to pursue a path without his influence, he wouldn't stop them.
"Very well. However, before I send you on your way, you need to explain the situation to Lily, Sandora, and the rest. If you're serious about taking responsibility for yourself from this moment onward, start by convincing them. Take it from me, kid. If you run away without saying goodbye, you will regret it for the rest of your life..."
Though he had been hoping to avoid an encounter with Lily and Sandora, Jin didn't refuse Vahn's words. He needed the man's assistance to access one of his Actualized Worlds. If Vahn refused, there was nothing Jin could do to force the matter. He was, once again, powerless.
"I understand..."
...
..
.
Upon learning of Jin's decision, Lily demonstrated genuine anger for the first time in her life. She ended up pouncing on him, pinning him to the ground and beating his fairly handsome face over and over again until he resembled a pig. Then, for the better part of an hour, she just sat on top of him, tears streaming down her face as Jin silently endured a level of regret beyond words.
Once Lily had calmed down enough to allow Jin to rise to his feet, it was Sandora's turn to slap him. She only hit him once, but, similar to when Lily had struck him, tears began pouring down her face immediately after.
Compared to the anguish he felt upon seeing Lily and Sandora cry, the throbbing pain in Jin's face was negligible. In the years that followed, he even felt a bit of resentment towards Vahn for making him endure such an experience. It wasn't until he silently parted ways with yet another person he cared for that Jin understood the burden of failing to say goodbye. As painful as partings were, they were necessary to give both parties a form of closure. Failing to say goodbye only amplified the heartache you would feel. In some cases, it even bred resentment...
Unfortunately, by the time Jin had realized the error of his ways, he was living a life far removed from the people in the Little Garden. There were times when he wanted to return, but with a family, friends, and comrades who relied on him, he couldn't bring himself to leave their side. Thus, over time, the anguish he had endured during his parting with Lily and Sandora eventually became a cherished memory...something he could laugh about whenever he recounted his past to his grandchildren...
...
..
.
After dropping off Jin and ensuring his path wouldn't immediately deviate towards a bad end, Vahn hesitated for a moment before teleporting to the room where Lily was currently staying. Sandora had assigned everyone a suite, but instead of staying in her assigned quarters, Lily had barricaded herself in Vahn's room with all the lights turned off.
"Come on out, kit..."
Though she didn't immediately come out, Vahn was unsurprised when Lily emerged from under the covers to reveal that she wasn't wearing a single piece of clothing. Her original plan was to seduce Vahn, but upon hearing the concern in his tone, a fresh layer of tears developed across Lily's eyes as she asked, "This is my fault, isn't it? If I weren't such a dirty and lustful woman, Jin never would have left..."
Shaking his head, Vahn approached Lily before taking a seat on the bed and hugging her. Her body briefly tensed, but, immediately after that, she began bawling into his chest as she tightly clung to the fabric of his tunic. Her relationship with Jin hadn't gone particularly well, but he was still one of the most important people in her life. Even if they couldn't be a couple, Lily would have continued supporting both him and their Community for the rest of her life.
Though Jin was still alive, Lily understood there was little chance their paths would cross in the future. By choosing to enter an Actualized World and pursue a solitary path, Jin had effectively given up on life, died, and reincarnated. All for the sake of personal validation.
"It hurts so much, Vahn...I feel like a hole has opened in my heart..."
Grabbing Vahn's collar in a manner that implied she was about to try and rip his shirt open, Lily's countenance became incomparably desperate as she begged, "Please...please make it go away..."
As Vahn had always been a source of fulfillment and warmth, Lily believed he was the only thing that could repair the massive rift that threatened to tear her apart. If he rejected her now, Lily felt as though she would never again be happy...
Desperate to feel wanted, Lily promptly deactivated the seal on her body. The tails swaying behind her increased from four to eight, and, as a result, various parts of her body began to swell as her hair practically 'exploded' into curls that extended well past her waist. Her height didn't increase all that much, but that wasn't too strange considering her mother was only around 162cm.
Though he was awed by the sudden and drastic increase in Lily's beauty, Vahn's expression remained as calm and serene as an underground lake as he held her close and whispered, "I will do everything in my power to fill the void in your heart. For now, however, you need to rest. As much as I want to take you right now, I would never take advantage of someone in their moment of despair..."
Hearing the first half of Vahn's words, Lily felt a sensation that could only be described as vertigo. She felt like she was falling into an endless abyss of darkness, only for Vahn to reach out at the last moment to catch her. It was a jarring experience, but Lily felt better knowing Vahn wasn't refusing her. He was just worried about her mental state...
"I understand...just please...promise me that you'll never leave...my heart cannot take losing another person precious to me..."
Without any hesitation whatsoever, Vahn answered, "I promise you...I'm not going anywhere..." before planting a kiss atop Lily's head. Then, as an additional assurance, he forced her tear-stained face to meet his before planting a second, much longer kiss on her lips...
...
..
.
(A/N: Since people have been encouraging me to continue plugging for the website and pat-reon, I wanted to let people know that I've been working on a Legend of Korra Fanfic at the behest of my sponsors. We're only at 11 chapters right now but it should be at 30 by the end of the month. If you are interested in checking it out, I've made the first three chapters available to the public.)
https://bit.ly/2XBzAYu <-(p.atreon link)
paypal.me/Einlion
Discord Invite: https://discord.gg/Jwa8PKh
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