章節 38: You are everything to me
He looks at me full of sorrow. Why I don't want his long thing? If it was someone else who asked me that question, I would have broken that person's long thing. Kyo is too innocent for this world. Though I want to preserve this innocence, I can't. I have to explain before it becomes painful for him.
Ivor and Deia are asleep. I can hear Mogrok's snores. I was planning to talk about this matter later, but Kyo isn't making it easy.
"Kyo." I smile at him. "Do you know the meaning of your words?"
He furrows his brows slightly. "I want to give all of myself to you. I want to see you happy."
It's only him who loves me this much in my both lifetimes. "Kyo, you are most precious to me. You are precious to me more than my life.."
I finally see him smile. The sadness is gone from his eyes. "You are the only one who is precious to me."
For now. I stroke his hair. "Kyo, there are many kinds of love. I love you as your sister, friend, guardian... To be honest, even calling it love is an understatement."
"I feel the same." He tells me warmly, "You are everything to me."
How do I explain to him when he is talking like that? "Kyo, there is another kind of love... that is the love between man and woman. When you become a man, I believe that you will meet a woman who will make your heart and mind go crazy. You see, you are only allowed to do those things with her only. Your special woman."
He becomes silent and blinks at me. I see him trying to understand the meaning of my words.
"What things?" He asks me gravely.
The most difficult part.
I wipe the sweat on my forehead. If I leave Mogrok to do it, I am afraid that Kyo will turn into a pervert. "Kissing... especially, on lips... t-t-touching special places... "
"What special places?" He frowns deeper.
I clear my throat. "All the places that are covered by clothes must be seen and touched only by special someone. That's why... You can't ever put your hands in my shirt. Your long... thing only belongs to that special woman who will appear in your life in future."
"Special woman?" His smile is gone. "You are my special woman. Then, I can see and touch you too."
Back to square one. "Kyo, I know that I am special to you, but I can't become special to you like a woman is to a man. That special woman will become your wife."
"You are my wife, Sister." He sits up and looks at my clothes. "I want to see the covered parts."
I put my arms over my chest. "You can't, Kyo. I am not your special woman. I am not your wife. That wedding was child play. You can't get married like this."
The surrounding becomes colder. He looks at me darkly. "You were playing with me. You are bad, Sister."
I don't know why I feel guilty when he looks at me like this. "Kyo, calm down. You can't marry anyone. You and I can never get married. You only marry a special woman. That special woman will become the mother of your children. You can't marry someone who is already your family. To me, you are my precious younger brother. Brother and sister cannot be married."
He puckers his lips and looks at me like I have wronged him. He doesn't understand. Why do I feel like a player?
"Sister, I understand." He speaks after a long silence. His voice is heartbreakingly sorrowful. "You are waiting for a special man. You don't see me as your special man. You don't see me as your husband. You want to give that special place to someone else."
I am at loss for words. I don't know what to say. How did it become about me? I was only educating about relationships.
His lips tremble and tears run down on his cheeks. "Sister hates being my special woman."
"Kyo, it's not like that." I reach for his hand, but he rejects me and steps away. "I don't hate it. You are special to me. There won't be anyone as special as you. There will be no other special man. Don't cry."
He doesn't come close to me. "Then, do you accept me as your special man? I want to have a real marriage with you. I want to have children with you. I want to do all those things that a man do to his special woman."
I pinch my lips together. That's not possible. He doesn't understand the meaning of his words. It's my fault. I didn't want him to grow up so soon. So, I kept him inside a cage. I should have encouraged him to make friends at the academy. If I continue to treat him like a child and give in to his demands, he will get hurt. Kyo needs to grow up.
"No." I tell him sternly, "You cannot do those things with me. I cannot accept you as my lover. Kyo, you need to understand. I will explain it better when we reach the middle realm. Go to sleep now. It's a long journey."
His expression gives heartache to me. I hate myself for saying those words. Perhaps, I should have said them in another way. He turns his back to me and says, "If Sister doesn't want me as your special man, I will go away."
"Kyo, don't." He doesn't stop when I call him. The space around us warps abnormally. Afraid, I try to grab onto him. With a step, Kyo walks into the darkness and disappears.
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