In The Dragon Ball Universe With The Summoning System [Cancelled]

LV 11

WoodenWindow

The story starts with an interesting concept, but quickly the main problem in this story shows up: The characters do not fit into their given anime background. For some reason the MC's SAIYAN brother acts like a human from Earth, is not fight crazy, does not try to conquer everything and even listens to people MUCH WEAKER THAN HIM WITHOUT ANY REASON. Added to that are meetings with totally irrelevant characters only because they are well-known in Dragonball. The biggest problem is that everything goes smoothly during those meetings without any reason, when the MC speaks with people he's JUST MET it basically goes: MC: Give me that item/teach me that skill please Random Character: Sure, here you go. The characters are terribly 1D, they do not need any reason or motivation to do something, they just do whatever leads the story in the direction which the author wants it to go, which is also terribly unclear since the MC does not even have any goal or idea of what he wants to do. This reads more like a general story outline than a novel at this point, every part where explanations or discussions are needed to make a change work it is just skipped over.

LV 14

Xaact

Author your story is called “In dragonball world with system” not in dragonball world with summon gacha or in dragonball world with my slave. Keep to your major idea, most of your character is dead with no growth no purpose no story even the heroine is dead she dont have motive randomly fell inlove with mc after he split her i mean come on lunch is a frickin ***** when goku is still a kid but nooo you decided to screw all the timeline too. Thats not enough and you keep adding more random character without a clear purpose the general? Really dball world is comprised basically of small scale of super power battling each other ? Then what a bunch of random android sure droid 16+ is deadly but that come after frieza act which is created by dr gero supercomputer after dr gero vendetta with goku, but since you skipped that canon part too where cometh the motivation and data and idea to create a competitive droid? and your mechanic? Please think about his background he comes from an early industrial era but with a little of magic twist what can he do in face of dragonball pwer level? You’re skipping a lot of canon with no explanation at all, and then you keep using dragon ball as your get out of jail free card or deus ex machina. Seriously your story is starting to fall into most trap that destroy a lot of newbie author, you need to breathe life to your story not just write for the sake of writing. This is especially prevalent in fanfic most of their character is implanted into a mature story without any attempt to sync it with their story world it looks like a shoddy patched up job. Tl;dr: 1. author did not have a good understanding of his world which is based on dragon ball 2. Author did not have a good understanding of his character 3. The story itself is a shoddy patch up job, not well taught I cannot recommend this story at this state

LV 5

Precheur

Ability ? Randomise ? I stopped right there, no one, even in the worst hell would ever choose randomise when proposed a superpower. I'm out.

LV 6

InnerVoice

I like the idea about having a system in dbz but why did you make it a summoning system? Like dude in dbz anyone if train can have enough power to destroy planets, how can summoning people from naruto world or others even help the mc? Maybe at the beginning but with their help the mc can’t even grow cause he’s not fighting his own battle and lets others do it for him.

LV 5

Yite

Hello there, T'is me! Author-sama! I hope you guys enjoy this story :3 Damn this character limit... ASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASSTHIGHSTHIGHSTHIGHSTHIGHS!!!TITSTITSTITS

LV 6

Djablok

Well, honestly I don't recommend his story. I just don't like the system, how when he tells others, they are like "Oh you can enslave people? Ok." So yeah, a summon system which works like a gacha system, and can enslave people who weren't even summoned. Also don't misunderstand, It won't become a slave harem, far from it. Furthermore, I don't see much future for this ability. I mean, what fiction are you going to summon from, when you have one day the ability to destroy planets,

LV 6

InnerVoice

Lyxyxyzmgzgzxgmxgnzgmxmgxykxkyxkydmhxkyxmhxykdxhmdykxmhxykxmhxyk Just gonna spam the keyboard cause this requires 140 hmxulcmhdhlcdkyxhmxkyxhmdmhxhkdkgxykskhxykxhmxmgxgmzmgxmyx

LV 4

Leunamme

Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it! Ill add this to my list to read... please don't drop it!

LV 7

Melshan

Muito bom a novel recomendo à todos a acompanhar não vão se arrepender. ................................................................................😎😍

LV 4

yahoo482519

It's very good keep up the good work hopefully you update frequently cause I really like it. It's very good keep up the good work hopefully you update frequently cause I really like it. It's very good keep up the good work hopefully you update frequently cause I really like it. It's very good keep up the good work hopefully you update frequently cause I really like it. It's very good keep up the good work hopefully you update frequently cause I really like it

LV 11

GodHunter

Atlast a fanfic in dbz world. Bored of all those naruto fanfics... Dont droo the novel it has potential. Looking forward to it. 😀😁😀😁😀😁😃

LV 13

Nakamuraz

So far I really like the story. It has potential and I will wait to see how it will develop. i like how you have developped the characters. So far it's a good ride. I'm giving you 5 stars to motivate you a bit more :) I really hope that you will not go MIA like so much authors here.

LV 11

Brandon_Dawson1

wooo hooo I was the first to vote it's a good story keep up the good work I'm hoping you continue write more never give up and continue on ward

LV 6

Dragonfire16

Cool novel 🙃😅🤣😅😉😉😍😝😚😛😍😛😅🤣😅🤣🙃😇😘😛😚🧐😛🙃😂😂🤣😀😁☺️🙂😎😋😜🥰😌😂☺️😂☺️🙂😉🙂😉🙂😉😋😎🤨🤓😋😝😍☺️😝😜😜🥰😙🤓🤓😎😅☺️😅😉😉🙂😅😄😀😄😖😄😄😄😄😃🤓🤓🤣😎🤣😎

LV 6

Dragonfire16

Cool novel 😞🥳🤪😎😟😡😖🥺😛🧐🤨😞🥳😒🙁😟😞🤨🤓😋😎😎🤨😎🤨☹️🥳🥳😎😛😜😘😙😘🙂😎🥳😎😎🤨😎🧐🧐😜😛😗🥰😉🥰😙😋🤨😜🤨😜🤨😁😂😎😋😋😙🙂😂😗🙂😜🙂😊

LV 4

HentaiVeteran

Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem? Harem?

LV 4

Rickhardyson

Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!!

LV 4

Rickhardyson

Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!!

LV 4

Rickhardyson

Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!!

LV 4

Rickhardyson

Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!! Not bad!!!