章節 141: Yumina Interrupt
AN: Yumina is pulling a coup! Yumina is the new MC!
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I woke up feeling much had changed in the world.
I woke up instantly. It was strange, but one of the few personal qualities I was proud of. Most people had a span of time of drowsiness and disorientation before they realized they were no longer dreaming. Many people would like to stay in blissful slumber for longer, refusing to get up from the comfy warmth of their bed. But for me, that had never been a problem. Once you are fully awake, staying in bed would just be lazy and boring.
Sir Zah saw me go from sleeping to wide awake once, eyes closed to eyes wide open, and murmured "Holy shite that's creepy. Like Bela Lugosi waking up as a vampire."
So now of course I was intent on doing it as much as possible. Being able to go maximum awareness instantly was very good for not getting yourself assassinated, and I was given to understand that soldiers in the battlefield had this sort of skill to sleep whenever they could get it and go combat ready at a moment's notice.
This was not something I was born with. It had nothing to do with being a princess. I was secretly proud of being able to willpower my way into instant wakefulness.
I got up and considered my duties. There were protocols. If Sir Zah and Lady Monika were out of sight for more than two hours, all command immediately transferred to me, and I was granted all required authority to maintain the mission integrity of the party and the fulfillment of the primary objective.
First order of business however was to attempt to reconnect with the command structure. I took out the 'bluetooth earbud' that was entrusted to me. The white material it was made of was not quite like ivory, was it truly the tooth of some blue creature? It had a more pearl-like smoothness to it, but a lack of weight more like soft wood.
I put the earbud inside my right ear and tapped it until I heard a strange crackle. "This is Princess in Yellow to Just Monika. Repeat: This is Princess in Yellow to Just Monika. Requesting orders. Do you read? Over."
Even Sir Zah would often say: 'Report, consult, and inform, are the fundamentals of business.'
After a while, there was another crackling noise, and I heard a throaty giggle. /"Wait, stop- something just connected on Bluetooth. Oh, it's Yumina. She's awake."/
"Nyamnyamnyamnyam."
/"Mhrrrmmhhh! I said s-stop! Yumina! We're a bit busy right now. If we don't get back in time for the meeting, take part as our representative."/
"I understand." While Sir Zah and Lady Monika were formally just adventurers, their ability to [Boom Tube] armies to anywhere made them such a strategic asset. With such unsurpassed strategic mobility, even if Regulus might have ten times as many men, it was possible to defeat them in detail, preventing enemy forces from combining. "If there are talks of compensation though, I don't know what would be acceptable. I presume that we should just leave that for later?"
/"YES! Um. I mean… yes. Do that."/
And then I heard a voice from a distance shout "YOU LICENTIOUS MUGSSS! YOU BROUGHT ME ALL THE WAY HERE AND AFTER CHALLENGING ALL THESE DRAGONS YOU JUST SIT THERE?! STOP TRYING TO DISTRACT ME AND HELP ME FIIIGHT!"
And Sir Zah shouted back "REMEMBER THAT THE BEAUTY OF IT IS AS IMPORTANT AS POWER. BECOME THE STRONGEST!"(1)
/"Player, don't get distracted. Down, boy."/
"Mghf."
/"Mmm. Good boy."/
I sighed. Sir Zah was probably doing something stupid again. All right. I heard the click of ceased communications. I got up and raised my fist. Yosh. All right then, this Princess has a job to do like a sane well-adjusted contributing member of society!
-.
-.
Morning came. Servants knocked at doors to aske if they wanted to have breakfast. I went over next door to Miss Linze and Elze's room to more personally see to their needs as de facto team leader (though with Miss Elze's veto). I heard a sound like a dying cat.
"Linzeee… I love you, you know that?"
"Umm, sis – this isn't right...?"
"I can't stop it any more. If you have any love for me, any at all… do this for me."
"T-that's crazy talk, sis. Please! Come to your senses!"
I opened the door to see Miss Elze pinning Miss Linze down on the bed.
"KILL MEEEE," Miss Elze moaned. She clutched Miss Linze's waist and bawled into her lap. "Kill me or kill Playa, I don't care! Avenge meeeeh!"
I sighed softly. Truly, alcohol was mankind's oldest betrayer. Sure, father and many other drinkers say that alcohol was man's oldest friend… but really this just proved that mankind's base nature was stupid. Not evilness, just... self-harming stupidity.
"Sis? How are you feeling? On a scale of one to ten, what is your pain level?"
"On a scale of ELEVEN, (WHY AM I SO STUPID) TWELVE, (I KNEW PLAYA WAS FULL OF BAD IDEAS), THIRTEEN, (WHY DID I EVEN LISTEN) … this is FIFTEEN, (HEAL ME NOW OR I WILL CRUSH HIS BALLS)."
Miss Linze nodded quickly, actually bothered by the threat. She used the experimental sobering magic, and soon enough Miss Elze let out a happy sound of relief.
"Wooh. My head feels nice and cool…" Miss Elze whispered as her sister put her fingers on either side of her temples.
"This is a generic anti-migraine magic too. It's mostly just a topical painkiller, the flushing of toxins will happen later. You're still going to need plenty of fluids, maybe fruit juice."
"I'mma still kill Playa later…" Miss Elze moaned some more. Miss Linze giggled.
"Hang on a minute," I asked. "I just realized- I remember you once told me that Sir Zah bought you anti-poison magic rings. Why doesn't that magic work against drunkenness?"
Miss Linze stared at me quizzically. "You're the one that actually went to magic school, Miss Yumina. Why do you think it doesn't work like that?"
"I don't have healing magic though? I do understand the medical theory, but you're the ones breaking new grounds in the field."
While I recall that Sue was Sir Zah and Lady Monika's favorite to inherit all their knowledge about magical healing, in practice it was Miss Linze that would know all those spells first and judge them for practicality. Ah, what a position of extreme trust!
My own magic was [Dark] magic, only good for summoning other being to fight in my stead or for laying down curses. It was a very cowardly way of magic, I really envied those who were blessed with the purity and respectability of [Light] magic.
Miss Linze tilted her head to the side and looked thoughtful for a moment. She stroked her sister's hair contemplatively, as if Miss Elze was a lap cat. "I suppose… it's because magic spells like that, according to Miss Monika, works by making the impossible possible. The magic spells we're researching work using naturalistic processes. Alcohol itself isn't considered as a poison, so that sort of magic lets it pass. On the other hand, detoxification magic is also much more specific. It works against drunkenness and drunkenness only, harmful toxins produced by the own body."
It was odd how much of magic was about semantics. "I see." I looked upon Miss Elze lying down on her sister's lap, looking at peace. Perhaps too much at peace. She had on a foolish grin and her leg was kicking slightly like she was a dreaming puppy.
This topical painkiller was suspicious. (2)
"Wait a moment. Isn't Miss Elze supposed to be the control group?" She was not supposed to benefit from anti-drunkenness magic at all. So her feeling the full pain of a hangover was just expected.
Then we heard a girlish screaming from next door. That was Miss Yae's room!
Miss Elze rolled off the bed and landed on the floor. Face-first. "Bu-geh!" she yelped.
We rushed out. Miss Elze ran onto the half-open door. The door was ripped off its hinges as she was stopped for a moment, looked confused, then angrily attacked it with her face.
We found guards out in the hallway. They reached for their weapons in surprise, then very quickly moved their hands away. They raised and showed their open palms, affirming that they were not being aggressive against royal guests and young ladies at that.
"What is happening here?" I asked.
"Milady, one of the maids reported that she had found a dead body…" one of the guards said.
"Yae!" Miss Elze exclaimed. She blinked, and her gaze went from a pleasant haze and into full battle-reflex mode.
"But it was not a dead body!" he hurriedly added.
I scowled minutely and went ahead to enter Miss Yae's room. Miss Elze and Linze followed after me, and then the guard leader. I gasped in alarm at the sight inside.
The guard looked up to see their fellow stuck neck-up *into* the ceiling and breathed out "R-ralps! Are you alive?"
The embedded guard made a thumbs-up gesture.
Beyond the sight, Yae was sitting on the floor, her back against the bed. Her eyes were staring at nothing. Her entire front was stained a grisly red.
The guard leader flicked his wolf ears and bowed towards Yae. "Milady, you are a guest of His Beastliness, and so we can only ask for you pardon if our comrade has offended you somehow."
"He was blinking too hard," Yae replied dully.
The guard winced.
Ralps wiggled his hands in a 'what can you do?' gesture. They were beastkin, and beastkin were known for having strong passions and forthright demeanor. Worse, they lived in the palace with the Beastking. They were well used to… drunk-ass shenanigans like this.
"Is that blood?" I asked Miss Yae about the stains on her sleeping clothes. Then I looked to the left and found a basket of tomatoes.
Miss Yae had drunkenly raided the kitchens last night, hauled off all the tomatoes she could find, and tried to hide even more in her robes. Then she fell flat on her face once she arrived in her room, squished all the tomatoes under her bosom, and passed out.
Once more I resolved never to allow myself to lose my reason for such mere reasons as alcohol.
Then I realized with sudden dread, remembering the lightshow last night – what sort of drunk-ass shenanigans did Sir Zah inflict upon Mismede last night?
Wait. Just a few minutes ago. He went out to challenge the dragons.
All the dragons.
Wait that's bad.
Briefly I had a vision of dragons rampaging all across Mismede, burning village after village in insulted reprisal, before darkening the skies over the capital.
I felt faint…
Then I clenched my fists and forced myself to stand up straight. No. No way.
I will fight always for the rational world!
I sniffed haughtily and turned around. "Miss Elze, Miss Linze, Miss Yae… why don't we have breakfast first?"
Everything will all be just fine after some good breakfast tea.
-.
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(1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-voL29JTbQ
(2)
Monika: /It's Tetrahydrocannabinol, isn't it?/
Playa: It's THC.
Monika: /Is your next franchise a drug empire?/
Playa: More like Pfizer than El Chapo. Much higher profit margins.
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