Saying he's a Mandalorian, but keeps referring to him as Spartan...
"Obi-Wan, if anything I would be far more worried for any droid that comes across that Spartan."
Spartan In Star Wars (Dropped)
Video Games · ObsidianRain
Use question marks [?] at the end of a question. Exclamation marks [!] at the end of a shout or raise of voice. Yes, you can end sentences within a dialogue. Otherwise, use a colma [,] at the end of a dialogue before adding the ending quotation mark.
Quotation marks should always be at the beginning of the first word and end of the last word with no spaces between them. Periods come before the second quotation mark, not after.
Try not to have dialogue from more than one person in the same paragraph.
I've skimmed and checked the latest chapter (72) before mentioning this; You know, a paragraph isn't a sentence or vice versa. There should (can) be multiple periods in your paragraphs, not just one. You've shown you can do it in the summary and prologue (a bit), yet stopped even trying. Learning how to use colmas would be nice, too.
😬 Very cringe. Waaay too soon for that sort of reaction. Kind of forced and just unnecessary for weaklings when their easily dealt with.
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hid* / kids*
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saw -> see*
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Gyuumao -> Ox King* / If your gonna make a fanfic in english, you should properly adapt it to the target audience (english) whenever viable.
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The Grammar could use some work. There are some words or repeats that can be removed from sentences, Improvements on properly ending sentences and colma positions can be made. Not to mention many instances where a negative (was not/wasn't, weren't either instead of neither, etc) was insinuated where a positive was used instead. Then there's the fact that most chapters are too short for me to properly consider as chapters, which just makes it seem like false advertisement. The bare minimum should be 2K words (Which IS on the short side). Normally I'd give a lower score for that, but this was a very entertaining read with great story development! I hope the author one day continues this story. I believe one of the reasons was losses of chapters due to multiple power outages. I recommend the software [Scrivener] as it's easy to work with, can organize your work and has a customizable auto-save function.
Spartan In Star Wars (Dropped)
Video Games · ObsidianRain