sleep when?
Therefore, it makes sense for me to dedicate the morning (from 0 to 22) to learn about runes and read the books to gain a deeper understanding of many aspects of this world, the afternoon (from 22 to 55) to the construction of the training room, and the evening (from 55 to 72) to training in martial arts.
Noble Rebirth: Ends Dawn
Fantasy · MasterCarlRoy
no need to have the word Indeed, it serves no purpose. initially is good enough to transition into the paragraph
Indeed, initially, one must fill the 3 mana cores until they become saturated, in order to trigger their awakening.
Noble Rebirth: Ends Dawn
Fantasy · MasterCarlRoy
redundant
And thus, I shouldn't try to change the morals of this world to those of Earth if I didn't like them.
Noble Rebirth: Ends Dawn
Fantasy · MasterCarlRoy
you keep flip flopping between first and third person perspective randomly. be consistent with when you use first person since the first couple of chapters were purely in first person.
Even though it was certain that he was not receiving special treatment and that these stories must be the norm, he still found it very strange that these stories were told to newborn children, who have no instincts or resistance to subtle mental influences.
Noble Rebirth: Ends Dawn
Fantasy · MasterCarlRoy
it must be relatively normal in comparison to the millions of years these people live. it's not like mc is an extreme outlier, as seen by the fact that ryushin chi was satisfied with mc potential but not really shocked
During this period, without forgetting to gather mana, I actively committed myself to trying to walk and talk, until I succeeded.
Noble Rebirth: Ends Dawn
Fantasy · MasterCarlRoy
contradiction, how can you be uncertain but sure at the same time. maybe instead of sure say he felt it was likely
So, even though he could not be certain about this, he was sure of it.
Noble Rebirth: Ends Dawn
Fantasy · MasterCarlRoy
so awkward to say back to mc,just say schadet... instead of mc
hypotheses doesn't fit in this context. change it to guesses
Although he had his hypotheses about who the participants from the other Great Families were, he preferred to be sure and wanted to know how they would further develop their combat styles.
Noble Rebirth: Ends Dawn
Fantasy · MasterCarlRoy
you can integrate this into the paragraph where you first introduce the grand noble banquet. it's awkward for this paragraph to be in this position
The Grand Noble Banquet is an event where members of the 4 Great Families gather to determine who is the best among them, and the winner will be awarded a reward.
Noble Rebirth: Ends Dawn
Fantasy · MasterCarlRoy
come on author, ligma?
Then the planet, Ligma, began to split, causing the continents to drift, and during this something incredible happened.
Noble Rebirth: Ends Dawn
Fantasy · MasterCarlRoy