I think this story can be something great, however, there is a big problem in this tale. The author puts too many unnecessary descriptions and info dumps. (Ex: Chapter 1) we don't need to know all of that right at the start.
Also, the writing style isn't very appealing to me (maybe because it shows the emotions and motives of everyone, which seems great in theory but isn't at all. There is no mystery.)
That being said, the story seems to be progressing rather well
and I'm sure that with time, the 'problems' I pointed out in this review will change.
Please continue with the great work, author!!
While this is not the type of novel I usually read, I liked it. There were errors in the grammar but nothing that ruined the experience too much. (But if possible, please find a proofreader.)
The Lord is our judge,
The Lord is our lawgiver,
The Lord is our king;
It is he who will save us.
These were words that the King had heard many times in his life. At first, he didn't believe in it, but after facing the fragility of mortality, there was no believer with more faith than him.
People were born,
People grew older,
People married,
People had a family.
People died.
People died. But he didn't. It was supposed to be a natural occurrence; but every time his life ended he returned to his lowest point; to suffer, he suspected. Would he one day be able to be free? To be happy?
Only the Lord knows.
On that day, Bartolomeo could see everything in the execution grounds...
The man who had one day betrayed his own kingdom was getting executed and so the gallant prince would lead the empire...
After years of suffering, the prince of a now fallen kingdom came back and released the people from the hands of the evil Kristnoev empire. Taking back his rightful lands, imprisoning the traitors of his former kingdom and conquering the wretched empire!
His tale would certainly be passed to generations forever being remembered...
It was just like a folk tale, the story was a beautiful yet simple one.
There was just one problem in this story...
Bartolomeo was the one getting executed.
In the middle of a crimson field of flowers, there was a pitiful man fallen in the ground, the man clothes were long ago bathed in blood. near to him stood a arrogant man with a cold look in his face. He too was bathed in blood, but the blood wasn't his, with the last power he could utter at that moment the fallen man barely managed say something.
"Wh-wh-y - Cough! " - the man tried to ask, but he couldn't as he continuously coughed dark red blood
At that moment the arrogant man replied indifferently, it almost looked like he didn't have anything to do with this situation, he continued to utter with a completely cold voice, strangely it almost seemed that he was reading line of a book.
"You will die here without no one even knowing about your sacrifice" - he said with voice that resembled one of a demon.
"In the end you was nothing more than a background actor..." - the deep voice calmly uttered.
"Aa-AAgh" - the pitiful man tried to say something, but soon his voice would never be heard again.
"You efforts will be forgotten... never to remembered"
"A truly pitiful man, There's no one to even remember you, a perfect ending for an extra like you" - as he finished saying that he lifted his sword and atacked directly the man's head.
I think this story can be something great, however, there is a big problem in this tale. The author puts too many unnecessary descriptions and info dumps. (Ex: Chapter 1) we don't need to know all of that right at the start. Also, the writing style isn't very appealing to me (maybe because it shows the emotions and motives of everyone, which seems great in theory but isn't at all. There is no mystery.) That being said, the story seems to be progressing rather well and I'm sure that with time, the 'problems' I pointed out in this review will change. Please continue with the great work, author!!
Conqueror of Magic
Fantasy · AMonarch