Thalia_Ilace

This novel has a lot of potential as the story itself is intriguing, however, I do believe it needs a lot of work to reach that potential. A lot of the sentences tend to ramble and are very repetitive and while this is something that can be utilized to amplify the tension or feeling in a scene or dialogue, that was not done properly here. There's also a lot of telling instead of showing. I felt like as soon as there was any sort of question on anything that had me curious, that curiosity was squashed when the information was given right after. The flow felt quite jagged due to the above mentioned as well which made reading along feel like quite a drag despite the essence of the story being very intriguing so it felt very unfortunate and frustrating because I WANTED to read more but it felt really difficult to do so. Character descriptions were practically non existent for the characters other than Lust (and I liked that his description was simple but painted a clear picture in my head with only a few words). It also is a bit confusing because Persephone marries Hades in usual mythology and it seems like this novel tends to follow that, however, Hades and Satan are not the same person/do not have the same origin. Satan rules over Hell and Hades rules over Hades/the Underworld but the Underworld is not the same place as Hell. Satan is an angel who opposed God and is a ruler of evil, while Hades is a God who rules over the land of the dead. So it seems you mixed/confused two different pieces and while I do think this is something that is doable, I don't feel it was executed correctly with the set up. The first chapter is a "prologue" so I thought that Chapter 2 would jump right into the plot in the summary, but instead of the prologue being contained to the first chapter, it was dragged out to many chapters after. I think it would be better to change these chapters to the auxiliary volume for the complete prologue, or this part of the plot should be made apparent in the summary since it's such a drastic change from what the summary explains. I think that these are quite easy fixes and just need some polishing so don't give up. This novel has a lot of potential! You can do it author!