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Sigheti
female LV 4Reader and writer in order to improve my English. Due to an unknown problem, not all my works on this platform are listed below. Other: A Hitchhiker, a House, and Sausages On The Way Down
2019-02-23 đã tham gia France
“the science council”. Don’t forget the article.
I was also tall, meaning I was 6 ft 4 inches in height which could be considered very tall for some people. Seeing as I was done, I readied my observations that I would send to science council of India.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories
Right so… I get what your aim is: you want your reader to get an idea of what the character looks like… but… to be brutally honest… this comes across as awkward and desperate. This is just one person’s opinion, but maybe try something a little more subtle.
I caught a glimpse of my attractive handsome face in the mirror, for fun sakes I also flexed my body which was muscular but not like a bodybuilder. It was enough to ensure that I could be considered handsome.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories
Just for believability: no scientist is going to work without tying their hair back. You really don’t want hair in your face/experiments when you’re handling dangerous chemicals.
I slid back my black hair since some of the black strands were blocking the viewpoint of my dark brown eyes. I quickly checked if any poisonous gas was still in the surrounding and when I saw there was none, I quickly took off my mask.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories
You keep using past tense in one paragraph, and present tense in another. Try to choose.
If I sprinkle these chemicals on dead trees which have no chance to grow or will take many years to grow, then within 1 week it would grow again. This meant human beings would have a longer time to spend on this earth.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories
You started your sentence with ‘now’ twice in a row. Not necessarily wrong, but it doesn’t really sound good.
Now this plant could grow into a big tree within 1 week. Now seeing that this experiment of mine was a success, I immediately thought of the possibilities of what it could do.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories
‘Various experiments’. Should be plural.
I slowly went to a ruined dead plant which I brought for free. First, I had checked it through various equipment to see if it was really dead. Now after verifying these things, I kept it here for an experiment.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories
I assume you mean ‘bought for free’ and not ‘brought for free’.
I slowly went to a ruined dead plant which I brought for free. First, I had checked it through various equipment to see if it was really dead. Now after verifying these things, I kept it here for an experiment.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories
Also ‘a gas mask’. Don’t forget the article.
This simple thing is known as gas mask. Soon the chemical turned red, and I quickly turned off the heat since I knew it was ready. Hope this experiment of mine gets successful.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories
Replace ’gets’ with ‘was’. But, since you’re choosing both past tense and first person narrative, it comes across as rather strange. Since it’s past tense, the protagonist already knows whether or not it was successful: try to rephrase in a way that acknowledges the fact that the protagonist knows what’s going to happen (it’s past tense, he’s telling us what happened), but still adds some expectations for your readers.
This simple thing is known as gas mask. Soon the chemical turned red, and I quickly turned off the heat since I knew it was ready. Hope this experiment of mine gets successful.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories
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original And Then Dawn Broke Over The Hills
4.73
In the year 1934, Mary Elizabeth Graves, a 'cigar-smoking, whisky-drinking' British archeologist, and her team, carry out meticulous excavations at various sites in East Africa. With a propensity towards sardony, and a trademark temper, Mary Graves assumes the supervision of an excavation in Kenya, after a government project to erect a dam in order to safeguard a rhodolite mining site stumbles upon remnants of archeological value. Meanwhile, Mary's estranged husband, Charles, who aids a local clinic during the length of his stay in Kenya, has been struggling to maintain their marriage after the tragedies of the past years have caused antagonism between them. On the horizon, conflict lingers. Brief but vicious isolated incidents of rebellion have arisen against the established colonial rule.22 Chs 12 sưu tầm
- original
Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray (GL)
In 1925, a young lawyer comes to live in the apartment next to that of a writer with an unconventional creative process. The two develop an unlikely relationship. AKA In which the Don Juan of lesbians falls head over heels for a writer that dissects frogs and blows up the apartment for the sake of ‘creative liberty’.10 Chs 38 sưu tầm
- original
Biscuits For Dinner
Đã hoàn thành
In 1789, a prisoner held at Entrago, Spain, slowly loses their sanity and identity, as the gravity of their situation is put into perspective.6 Chs 9 sưu tầm
- original
A Brief Journey
4.78 Đã hoàn thành
A young man ponders over his future as he travels towards Naples, where remorse fails to redeem his actions. Originally a short, two-chapter story, 'A Brief Journey' explores the lives, loves and struggles of three youngsters living in Paris during the later years of La Belle Époque, a period characterised by optimism, colonialism, regional peace, and prosperity in Europe. This story may not be suitable for some readers as it contains elements that may be uncomfortable. 'A brief Journey' deals with themes such as emotional abuse, grave mental illness, assault, self-destructive behaviour, and ideological sensitive material. Please exercise discretion when engaging with this story and seek out support if you require it.32 Chs 165 sưu tầm
- original
On The Turn Of a Dime
4.85 Đã hoàn thành
A bitesized story with historical nascency. The tale is inspired on real testimonies in regard to the second World War. Regardless, the reader should be aware that the author took creative liberties within the creation of this work.1 Chs 61 sưu tầm
- original
Amidst the sand
4.64 Đã hoàn thành
‘I’m but a tree, hence I cannot help you. My own roots are stuck in the belly of Mother Earth, hence I cannot reach you. No eyes adorn my bark, hence I cannot cry for you.’ In the year 1500, a tree tormented by his own memory and prejudices, encounters various figures. This story may not be suitable for some readers as it contains elements that may be uncomfortable. 'Amidst the Sand' deals with themes such as mental abuse, trauma, assault, foul language, and possibly ideological sensitive material. Please exercise discretion when engaging with this story and seek out support if you require it. Writing contest #62: reincarnated as a tree.5 Chs 137 sưu tầm
So… I have gone for brutal honesty rather than mindless praise in the hope that I might be able to help you grow. I have read the first two chapters, and have added some feedback on the first few paragraphs. These will probably already give you a bit of an idea what I mean when I say that your grammar needs some work. The most glaring mistake is the constant switch between past and present tense. Overall, I believe there’s a fun story here. It just needs some polishing. I wish you a lot of fun writing it.
The Genius Scientist in A Magic World
Urban · LordShivaStories