Chương 57: Negociating

"I have a list of demands!"

I hope it won't be too troublesome.

[Sure, go ahead]

"First I am a living hammer and thus I should be treated hammerly!"

[What does that even mean?]

"For instance, I should not be used for anything besides hammering. I do not want to be thrown or put into a confined space."

That last one seems weird but whatever.

[That works. Alright let's…]

"That is not all! I want part of the credit!"

[What credit?]

"Whenever we produce a piece of equipment, I want my name inscribed on it!"

[So, your mark on every product? Gotcha.]

I mean I don't care about blacksmithing fame. When it is unearned it doesn't feel as good.

"No! I want my full name! Sir Hammer the Angular Forger from Tales"

How am I supposed to react to that?

[You do realize that even if we forge a literal cart it's doubtful if all that will fit. You want to write that on …]

"No! I want it all!"

[How about your initials? Let me see SHAFT…. oh god!]

"I know right! It sounds powerful! The legendary shaft!"

[Hell no! I am not swinging a shaft all night long! Over my dead body!]

Especially if I get all sweaty doing it.

"Why the overreaction?"

[Ok you should go with a cooler name. How about Sir Hammer the Angular Legendary Forger?]

"Oh! That sounds even better! This hammer likes!"

And thus, the story dark history of the living shaft was crushed.

"But why can't we go with the full name? If we make it small…."

Now the next part.

[The best blacksmiths are usually more subtle. Think about it, if you are renowned people will recognize your trademark anywhere. If you gotta tell people how famous you are, then you really ain't.]

"Oh! It makes sense. This hammer understands. What should I …?"

Am I the only one thinking how weird it is that he goes from I to this hammer? Oh well, I guess a living hammer is weirder.

"Oh! I know! Let's just go with HALF! Subtle and short. Then people will know those are my initials! Ah, I dropped the S because it wasn't angular enough!"

Wow, this Hammer is surprisingly thorough. This way it would be possible to inscribe it in the most angular possible way. Nice concept.

[I really like it actually!]

It is very fitting at the same time. HALF. Usually forging would be a process involving a blacksmith shaping the metal. In this case, it will be the hammer doing all the job. I am but an assistant.

"T-that…you know …I-I …"

[What's up?]

"You actually seem pretty cool. I will allow you to touch my sublime body! But don't get any funny idea!"

What is he on about?

[What do you mean by funny ideas?]

"I know I am a handsome Sir Hammer. I do not want you to fall for me."

Bruh…what?! Why the hell would I …? Then again there are some tools people use to … Also, weird people out there. I'm sure some lady somewhere at some point used the shaft of a hammer to …. -Omitted-

[Actually, I know a trick.]

"What trick?"

He seems oddly interested. So much for someone that was snubbing me not long ago.

[Every time you touch a friend you just say no homo.]

"No homo?"

[Yep, that means that all is good. That both are simply friends.]

"This works every time?"

[Yes.]

"No matter what?!"

[Also, yes.]

"This is amazing! No homo! No homo! No homo! N…"

[Alright, you just need to say it once and you are good.]

"What if the spell wears out?!"

Why is a hammer talking about spells? Quick title for a potential new story: I gained a living hammer that can use magic and keeps throwing meteors all over the place, so I somehow became the demon king, but really, I'm just some everyday guy that wants to be a poet!

5/7 story idea. 10/10 of that one living hammer interrogated in this survey agrees. Well, all of that is hypothetical. Pretty sure he would agree.

He seems to be that one guy…eh hammer that considers you his best friend for a really simple reason. Said in a nice way, very innocent. Said in a bad way…he's as dumb as a bag of hammer. Yes, surprisingly that's a real saying on the internet. Back then I was surprised too when I found out.

See how all this random trivia has helped me! The answer is it hasn't. At all. Right, he was asking about no homo's effect running out.

[You just need to say it once daily. You can also murmur it.]

"No homo!"

[Yes.]

"NO HOMO!"

[….]

"*Whisper* No homo!"

Wow, no homo ASMR. Said by a sentient hammer. I've seen a lot in life. The light, dark, and frankly weird side of humans. Never that, however. He has fun repeating this for a while.

I'm just watching on the sidelines wondering if I should laugh or facepalm. Why not both! At some point, he gets tired of it. He looks proud. How does that even happen? Beats me. That's the feeling I am getting from it.

"I truly learned an awesome spell! Thanks!"

Haha. This is cute.

[Alright shall we get to work?]

"Hell yeah! Also, no homo!"

How conscientious of him. I'm just glad this ain't happening back on earth. Could you imagine getting seen by anyone? It would be kinda embarrassing.

Well, it would be kinda cool too. Until you browse the internet and see some rule 34 drawing. I mean it is bound to happen. There was already that one artist doing it with everyday objects. Now add to that one that actually talks.

In no time I would either have had the thing stolen from me. Or even worse! People would have started drawing BL featuring me….and that thing. Oh god, that would have been horrible. Why does my mind wander there?

Well, there is one thing I used to say to people: You merely adopted the internet. I was born in it. You know since I was working from home and had lots of free time. Quite unlike other professions. Like writers. These guys never have free time lol.

Anyway, that is why I can't help but think about all that stuff. Now it is time to concentrate and try this again.

This time it will work, right?