Chương 20: PROBLEMS AND SOLUTIONS
James Danvers
"Hola and welcome to Rojo de Arroz, what can I get started for you?"
I let Z order first and then myself. The waitress walks away to put in our order leaving just Z and I at the table.
"So what did you want to talk about?"
"What do you mean? I never said that there was anything that I wanted to talk about."
"So you just wanted to take me out to eat after the second appointment about a week before you have to leave just for the hell of it?"
Damn, I guess she knows me too well.
"I thought that it would be a good idea for us to talk about what is going to happen when I have to leave."
"When do you have to leave next week?"
"Friday. That should give me enough time for me to get back to New York."
"Are you flying back or taking the train?"
"Flying part of the way and then driving the rest of the way."
Z stays quiet for a bit. When she gets like this she is either upset about something or deep in her own head. I haven't done anything to make her upset lately so she must be thinking about something.
"Z look, I wanted to talk about this because I'm scared."
I give a slight chuckle as Z looks at me confused.
"What do you mean, you're scared?"
"I want to be there. In the room with you when it's, you know, time. But I don't know if I will be back in time."
"When it's time for…"
Z stops talking and her voice drops.
"Oh, you mean when the baby is supposed to come."
"Yes, I do. I.. I don't want you to have to go through everything by yourself."
"Well Kiki and Dani will be with me. And we could facetime you so that you will still be there."
"You may be okay with that but I'm not."
Z sits back, obviously a bit taken aback by that idea not being ok with me. I put my head down and stare at the wooden table.
"If I'm in class when it happens my phone will be off. None of my professors let their students have their phone on in class no matter what is going on in their personal lives. Besides, I want to be here with you. I want to be able to help you with anything that you may need and… to see my kid once they're out."
I raise my head and look at Z. She looks shocked. The server comes with our food and sets it down one the table confirming who got which plate. I nod my head and say thank you as she walks off. I look down at my plate and grab my silverware to start eating.
"You're telling me that… you want to be there? That you want to see me screaming in pain, hair messy, sweating like crazy, most likely repeating 'I can't do this'? Why?"
I stop right before the fork reaches my mouth and look at Zarah. Her head is down but she isn't eating. I sigh. She still doesn't get it.
"I don't care what you look like. And yeah I know that you are going to be in pain and that's why I want to be there. So that I can hold your hand and rub your back. I want to be there to tell you that everything is going to be ok and that you can do this. I don't want it any other way which is why…"
I pause. Should I tell her what I am thinking? There is only one possible solution to this problem but I know that she won't like it. But what else does she want me to do?
"Why what?"
"Why I am going to talk to the dean of admissions and tell her that I am dropping out." I say as I take a bite of my food.
"WHAT." Z shouts.
"Lower your voice. People are staring now."
"You can't do that. No, I won't let you."
"There is nothing that you can do to stop me. This is what I want."
"But it's not what I want!"
What does she mean that it's not what she wants?
"I remember when you first got to highschool and college was all that you talked about. After your first year and about halfway into your sophomore year you found John Jay college. It's a top college for a degree in criminal justice. Even since then it's been your dream to go there and you were so excited when you got accepted. I couldn't possibly ask you to give up your dream."
My dream. Ever since I was younger I would try everything possible to get out of punishments and curfews. Find loopholes in Mom's rules. She always called me her little lawyer. It wasn't until I had my first debate in highschool that I realized that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Fight, defend, help others. She's right, this is my dream. But…
"If I have to give up my dream to make sure that you are ok then I will do that."
"It makes no sense."
"What?"
"It really doesn't. You giving up your dream and dropping out means that you will have to get another job that is also potentially less paying. I'm not saying that when I can and the doctor clears me that I won't be working as well but I still want to go to college. I still have my dreams and I am not giving up on that. Remember you're not the only one who can get out of things."
When Z was younger her dad was stricter than her mom. I would talk to her about how she got out of her curfew when her dad was home and her mom was working. She definitely knew how to get out of some stuff. Both then and now.
"What if you don't have to give up your dream?"
"And how exactly do I do that?"
"I know it's not the best but, why don't you see if the dean is willing to transfer to a school here? You would be closer for appointments and emergencies."
"But then you know what that means right?"
"No, what does that mean?"
"It means that you would have to help me find a good college and an apartment for us."
"For… us?"
Ah damn it, I spoke before I thought again.
"Well, if I move back here I won't be able to stay at my parents place and I thought that you might be more comfortable with your own room and space but if living with me is too much…"
"If you're okay with it then so am I."
Z smiles and then I do as well. We begin to eat. We finish eating, pay and then leave. Well the hard part is now over with. Now just to find another college, talk to the dean and head of the school, find an apartment, and move. Great, guess it will be all smooth sailing from here.
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