Chương 27: Resolve

Hinata spent most of his days recovering on the futon; at the center of a simple room of about six tatami mats in length and breadth. After a while, he realized it was the same room he had shared his love with Akira.

After some time, he was able to move around.

He sat, crossed-leg, on the mats before a pleasant view of green forests and bushes beyond the opened shoji doors and wide porch.

Knotwood bushes, bamboo clumps and evergreen trees swayed against a breeze. The air was mild and humid. Signs of a stubborn rainy season in autumn.

"Damn." He winced at the stabbing pain to the side of his stomach when he moved forward.

Rocko had been administering strong medicine to ease the pain and expedite healing.

The drawback was when the medication had waned. The pain was felt ten times as worse than before. It did make him wonder on the fake leg he had remade for Yuri. He hoped the man had received it and was able to use it.

Then there was Kou's blindness. Those men had lost parts of themselves to war. Yet they continue with life to the best of their abilities. Although, he felt certain they continued to face their demons in their dreams. Kou's fitful sleep at his house was evidence of this. Now with their plight from the secret police.

"War brings too much suffering." Hinata sighed.

He may not have been a soldier fighting for his country, but he suffered and fought the same war in his own way. War spared no one.

Time in solitude, and more talks with Rocko, gave him further reasons for reflection. Especially on his relationship with Akira.

All the justifications, reasons and feelings in his heart led to the same conclusion. He was doing Akira an injustice by staying by his side.

Yes he loved him. He couldn't continue to act on his love the way he did with Eiji. He still felt confused and unable to shake his loneliness. Maybe it was too soon. Either way, Akira deserved more than he could give.

"I have to say goodbye to us." He spoke aloud.

"Aki will understand. After he throws a few tanties." Rocko added from the doorway to surprise Hinata.

"He won't like it." Hinata added.

"Yeah. But if he loves yah, he'll let yah go." Rocko kindly reassured him.

Hinata smiled with onset tears in his eyes. "I'm cruel."

"Nah. A kind heart knows, leading love with a broken heart is cruel. Yah still grieving for yah loss."

Hinata peered at Rocko's rugged face, which carried fine lines of wisdom across his forehead.

"How'd you know I was talking about breaking up with Honda-san?"

"Yah face tells me. After what yah told me about yah Takaki-san. Yah still love him too much. It's too soon for yah." Rocko soberly answered. Hinata's expression held the same confusion, and love-lost look, from many people who had stumbled upon his shrine.

Hinata nodded with understanding and resolve.

Rocko helped him stand and dress, so he could leave the room for dinner.

About a week or so had passed, when Hinata felt well enough to leave. Rocko led Hinata back to the foot of the mountains.

He handed him a week's worth of medicine, clean bandages and instructions.

Hinata bowed with heartfelt thanks and respects.

"I've sent word to Miko-san. She'll be able around to take you the safe house in the evening." Rocko said before leaving.

Hinata was left alone at the Chikafuji family grave site. He paid his respects to his family tomb; sitting in seiza before the grave stone. His finger lovingly felt around Eiji's name.

"I'm sorry Eiji-san. I wanted to let you go, but I can't. Now, people are in trouble because of us. I need to save them."

He breathed in the aroma of shion and chrysanthemums. Their powerful scents had awakened his resolve. Rocko's term for him made him wonder if he truly was more to others. It was a good feeling to think he could be someone else's strength.

"I know you would've tried to stop me Eiji-san." Hinata chuckled at the thought of Eiji rushing in to save him from trouble.

"Don't worry. I'll honor our promise. I'll live long. I'll make you proud of me from wherever you're watching."

Hinata rose with a clear heart for the first time since learning of Eiji's death. His heart desire was for the safety and happiness of his new family.