The world I see is shades of grey and black, not even any whites. There's no fun, no enjoyment, just dull feelings. At least it was that way until I turned eight years old.
I was outside sitting on a bench when these three kids came up to me and started to pick on me. I was in middle school at the time, and yes, I know I said I was eight; I'll get to that in a moment. So anyway, I was on this bench, and at the time, it was just my mom and me, my dad died on deployment when I was five, but the one thing he drilled into my head was that family is always number one, and this is the crucial part of my mini-rant.
These kids decided to bring my mom, who, at this time, worked three different jobs and always tried to keep a smile on her face. But, the moment they insulted her, I broke. So, I beat the living shit out of these guys, and I enjoyed it.
What scared me after looking back on the event, I'm not sure if I enjoyed the violence or the feeling of protecting her honor. What I do know was that it was the first time my world had some color in it. But, of course, I knew what colors were, and this is more psychological. I can see fine; I'm not color blind; heck, I even have better than 20/20 vision. It was just that, according to my doctor, my brain found the world dull, so it processed the world that way. But when I saw the broken bodies in front of me, they became colored.
The next few years were similar, but out of curiosity, I tried to fight one day, without the need to protect the honor of those I cared about to see if I was innately violent. The test concluded that I was not innately violent, as the world turned even duller.
I never really loved anybody other than my mom, and whenever a guy came over that she seemed to like, I put them through the wringer. After the first, Mom was mad at me, furious even. But then I showed her some pictures and videos. They had only just started dating, and he was already cheating on her.
I don't know if she found the stalking thing off-putting or if she was understanding, but either way, she passed it off and accepted the help. After five other guys, she finally found one that I approved of. We lived together for two more years, and during that time, I found one more thing that brought color to my world, anime.
I became something of a shut-in. Only leaving for school, and before you ask, no, I did work. But, as I said before, I will explain this point quickly. I am a certifiable genius. Math, Science, Computers, Engineering, anything that isn't artistic I was naturally good at working with. Not that I was terrible at the other stuff, just average.
So with that in mind, my work was freelance coding and maybe a bit of hacking for the government. That was something I found fun, watching people try to defend against me while I rip their servers apart. China was really fun.
But, this whole life ended when my government decided it wanted to silence me and China wanted revenge. Imagine walking in a park when two guys walk up to you and they both stab you in the gut. I mean, really? Sigh~
Anyways, now that the general overview of my life is complete, I guess we should pick up from where I am now...
So, I was semi-unmotivated here, I'll probably come back and rewrite this chapter in the future. It will definitely get longer. Anyways, comment your thoughts and anything you point out I will try to correct.