Chương 9: Regrets..

*WARNING!! SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL INTENT*

Exhausted and tired of waiting at the courtyard, Simon decided it was best to return to his quarters. Lucian probably wasn't coming back, and Rosaline wouldn't stop whining about the entire situation to anyone who dared to ask. She was definitely bragging rather than complaining. Getting engaged to prince Lucian was probably the dream of every girl in town, and she had gotten it without moving a muscle.

At first, he planned on going straight to his room, but on second thoughts decided to check on the prince first. It wasn't because he cared or anything, he just wanted to appear like a good person to the prince, and hopefully get on his good side.

The door was open, and from his reaction earlier, Simon had approached it with the expectation that things would be flying from one corner of the room to the other. However, when he entered he met Lucian seated on his desk, about to carve his lower arm with a blade.

"Your highness?" Simon called out slowly, his presence suddenly jolting the prince out of his trance. Swiftly, Lucian hid the little blade under one of the books before turning to face the man that had just entered his room without knocking.

"What is wrong with you?! Don't you know how to knock?!" He raged, scared and angry that Simon had seen him. He had a habit of cutting himself whenever he was angry. Since he wasn't allowed to act out of line, it was the only way he could let out his anger and pent up frustration. He had tried to stop, but it never worked. And since he had the best medication in the entire land, it was difficult for the wounds to leave marks.

"The door was open, I didn't think there was a need to knock." Simon replied calmly, though his eyes flickered to where Lucian had hastily hidden the blade. "I came to see if you were alright. You seemed... upset earlier."

Lucian glared at him, his anger simmering just below the surface. "I'm fine," he snapped, his tone sharp. "You can go now."

Simon hesitated, unsure if he should leave or not. He hadn't known his father, but he had spent a couple of his early years with his mother. It had begun like this, slowly his mother had gotten addicted to alcohol. Then she moved to pulling her hair, the pain and alcohol had been the only way she could escape from the wretchedness of their lives.

And then one day he found her on the street, her wrists slit, and half of her hair cut in the most bizarre manner. He hadn't cried back then, he was merely eleven at the time, but some part of him had already foreseen that it would end the way it did. One could say that Simon's mother had died to him the moment she preferred alcohol and madness over her own son.

"Do you need help with anything, your grace? I mean, Lucian" Simon asked, taking a step closer to the room. He did his best to keep his eyes on Lucian, but from time to time they would drift back to the place he had hidden the blade.

Lucian's jaws clenched, his frustration growing mildly. Not many people knew of this habit of his, and it wasn't one that he was proud of. He owed this commoner no explanation, and he wasn't exactly comfortable with the way he was snooping around in something that had nothing to do with him.

"I don't need your help, Simon. I can handle my own problems." He replied, hoping the squire would go away, but he didn't. If anything, he walked even closer, close enough to grab the prince's arms and inspect them for cuts.

"You overstep your boundaries way too much, don't you know what personal space is?" Lucian snarled, yanking his arm away from Simon's grasp. "I said I don't need your help!"

Simon stepped back, raising his hands in a placating gesture. He had no idea why and when he had done that. All he had been thinking about was his mother. He wondered what would have happened if he had reached out and stopped her. He wondered if things would have been different if he had acted instead of sitting and crying in a corner all day long.

"I'm sorry, your grace. I didn't mean to intrude." He apologized, backing away from the now seething prince.

"Get out! Now!" Lucian yelled out, but to his surprise, Simon remained where he was. At first he found his stubbornness cute and all, but now he was really overstepping his boundaries. He needed his space, and now was not the time to sit around and play with his squire.

"Hurting yourself won't solve your problems, if anything, it would make things worse for you and everybody around you."

Lucian raised an inquisitive brow. Was this man really pitying him? A common thief pitying a prince? It was a kind gesture on Simon's end, but Lucian wasn't very appreciative of it.

"I don't need your pity, I have enough already." He brushed off Simon's words before pulling the sleeves of his shirt all the way down. "Besides, why do you care? You barely know me."

Simon thought to himself, Lucian was probably right, he shouldn't care so much. It wouldn't really do much for him if the prince ended his life this instant. If anything, it would set him free from this ridiculous penance. However, he would never forgive himself if he sat around and watched as someone else slowly killed themselves before him. He had made that mistake once, and he didn't want to repeat it.

"My mother—"

No, he paused. He shouldn't bore the prince with his sad life story, he probably didn't care.

"It's nothing, just don't hurt because of other people, they're not worth it." Simon replied instead before turning around and walking out of the room. He hadn't done much, and he was certain the prince would return to cutting himself the second he left the room. But at least he had tried his best and that was what mattered. If Lucian decided to kill himself tomorrow, his conscience wouldn't beat him like it had done when his mother slit her wrists.

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