Chương 36: The subconsciousness

Colin

I knew this was going to happen, but I just thought I could avoid her until we left, and that is really a silly thing to do.

We walk around the compound until we get to a corner.

"Why have you been avoiding me? "She asks abruptly, the impatience evident in her tone.

"I have been dealing with some things."

That is the truth.

But she doesn't believe me.

"Do these things have anything to do with us?

I shook my head, "No, it is all me."

Her brows furrow in confusion. "What does that mean? You said you weren't going to let me go. Are you letting me go? "

I can't tell her anything because I don't even know the answer to that question right now.

"I need some time to think about this. Can you just give me a couple of weeks? "

A frown ices her lips instantly. "What is there to think about Colin? You feel this... we are meant to be together. "

"We need each other," she adds as if I am being the most ridiculous person on earth.

"I know."

"Then what is there to think about? Why am I not coming with you to your community? Why are we not planning the ceremony? "

Because I am in love with your brother.

I can't say those words out loud because, as she said, I am a coward.

Admitting that I love Lowell is an admission I am ready to make, but I can't risk saying it out loud to his sister and my supposed mate.

"Are you rejecting me?"

"I don't know. It just doesn't feel right, and that is the only honesty I can give you, Ash. I am sorry."

She shakes her head incessantly, and I just know she is about to spiral.

"You can't be serious. This is the only thing that feels right. I am the one for you," It is almost like she is being pushy. telling me what I should do.

I need to figure things out first, and my heart is not leaning toward her.

"There is someone else. How could you be the one for me when there is someone else?" I asked her.

Maybe this is not the right time to do this, but she is not going to listen. I will never be able to convince her.

I am your fucking mate, Colin. There can't be anyone else."

"But there is. If this was meant to be, I shouldn't feel the way I do. I shouldn't want him the way I want you."

My words are harsh.

I don't know why I am doing this.

This is the worst thing I can do to anyone, and I hate myself right now. That is why I wanted to avoid this as much as possible. That is why I didn't want to face this.

I warned you not to do this. I told you there would be consequences and you didn't listen.

My wolf's voice resonates in my ear. The sound sends chills down my spine.

For the first time since that day, I feel my wolf and all I get is anger from him. So much anger that it vibrates inside me. It feels like I am being pushed to the edge suddenly. It comes out of nowhere and hits me like a jolt of electricity. Pain surges through my body unlike nothing i have ever felt as I fall to my knees, and I've never been so scared in my life. The last thing I see is Ash, but the look on her face weakens me.

***************

I open my eyes and darkness is all that surrounds me. I don't know where I am. I don't know what is going on. I am in an empty room, but this doesn't feel real.

I am scared to death. I don't know what is going on. I try to move around, but my legs are chained. I walk as long as the chains will take me, but the room is like a vortex, almost never-ending. Darkness is the only thing that surrounds me.

My breathing is the only sound I can hear. I have to find a way out of this place. I have to do something to wake up. This could be a dream, I blacked out. At least that is something that makes sense.

How else would I be in this dream state?

This is not real.

"There is no point,'' I hear a voice. This is a voice that has always been in my head---my wolf.

I can feel him as if my entire body were a sensory organ. I seem to have no control over my thoughts, and everything that is happening to me is new and strange. I turn to the sound of the voice, and even though it is dark, I see him. Crouched on the ground, almost lifeless. I walk over to him and he looks up, his fur the only thing that feels real in this place.

"What is going on?'' I ask.

I have officially lost my mind.

There is no way this makes any fucking sense.

"We are trapped,'' he manages.

I don't know what he means.

"Trapped where?''

My eyes shift from him to the room, and suddenly it makes sense. This is like a cage. Some kind of prison, but how did this happen? The last thing I remember is talking to Ashina. My wolf was not too happy about it, but now I am here with my wolf--the one that seems familiar. The one that I remembered before we even came here. The one that I can trust.

My wolf is here, trapped in this prison-like state. My wolf has been here since.

So who has been inside me all along?

Who has been controlling me?

It all makes sense now, it is all fucking clear and that is even scarier than not knowing.

"Inside your subconscious."

Those words.

Those words could only mean one thing.

Fuck.