Chương 4: Her Pains Ch 4
Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. Helen Keller
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'Five months, it's been nearly five months since Azula started to learning with Zhan, getting to know him more. Four months and two weeks since she had acquired an interest at Hand-Combat at all. Since then, she could say she had gotten stronger, more than usual. Her firebending was stronger, her breathing control was beyond better, and her physique took a more athletic look to it. Azula could say, she didn't know if she should burn someone or break their face. She was lethal in any range now: long short and close range.'
'However, she still wasn't strong enough like Zhan, who could break someone's bones. A nasty yet very lethal skill, in her opinion. But to her for the first time, it seemed a bit much. Azula had seen the scarring on his back and a couple on his arms, giving her the realization that if she wanted to break something, knowing that she mostly hurt herself trying something like that, No. She'll mostly break someone's nose or ribs.'
'Azula found out, besides his physical skills, he has some impressive reasoning abilities, as well. The obvious one being his metalworking and engineering, yet she found out, he had an exceptional understanding of how to read people, he called duo-thinking, which she was trying to grasp.'
"I still don't get it," said Azula, sitting.
"It's, quite simple Azula but you, need a very open mind to use it," replied Zhan.
"Explain," she said.
"In a sense, it's like...well...why do you think a man joins the army?" said Zhan, trying to explain the subject to Azula.
"Out of duty," she replied immediately.
"Are you sure?" asks Zhan smiling. "Maybe it's because he's forced to, by his hometown or people?"
'Azula was stunned for a second she didn't know a view was possible.'
"Why is it irrelevant?" she asked then.
"Because knowing what for he joined: honor or forced, can give you a good advantage," he said. "Say you're about to conquer an Earth village, which soldier would suit you better the one who joined freely to serve and maybe die? Or the one who got forced into service and most likely will find some way to survive."
'This explanation had solely left her speechless.'
"As well this can be used for several ways how to engage an opponent to identify people's reasons and so forth," he said, eyeing her.
"This has something to do with me?" asked Azula, picking up some hints.
"Yeah...kinda," he sighed.
"Like what?" she asked. 'How can she be imperfect?'
"I've noticed you seem to hold an aura of fear, to yourself," said Zhan.
"Only through fear, can you make people follow you," she said the mantra fluently. "Or what do you think?"
"Yeah. But tell me something Azula, what if someone isn't afraid or doesn't fear you? What then?" he asked.
The gasping-open mouth was all Zhan needed, 'Azula was shocked what she had heard... A few words, try to come in the end, nothing came out.'
"I...I don't..." she tried to say before getting angry. "Why do you care?!"
"Fear can bite back," he said, serious.
"How?" she asked an eyebrow-raising.
"People who fear you are more likely to betray you," he said, his cheery attitude gone.
"No," she replied.
"You know it's true. With fear, people WILL! eventually, look for a way to disentangle themselves."
"No!" she yelled, getting agitated.
"Why do you want to use fear? Is it because you like it or you don't understand how to speak with people?" he asked.
'Damn you...getting close to you...burn..damn you... da…'
'Her thoughts were stopped by Zhan, coming over to her and...hugging her?'
Azula was an emotional wreck at the moment, 'and now this...she hasn't been hugged since...mother, now she didn't know how to react this was different from Ty Lee's bear-hugs or Mai's greetings, this was natural...and... caring?'
"I'm sorry...if I upset you," he said, letting go of her. "You asked me to train you, to be stronger...and that's what I'm trying, I apologize, if I hurt you."
Azula sighed out before speaking out, "I...don't know my father himself taught me to be strong and feared. Frivolous emotions, caring, and understanding, were a waste of time, I never spoke freely, I'm always alert. I'm the Crown Princess, I NEED! to be tough and feared...otherwise..."
"I understand...but you don't need to wield fear all the time," he said.
"How can I not?" she asked.
"Why should I?" asked Azula grumpy, "fear is more useful."
"Simple," he said, grabbing her hand, catching her attention, smiling at her. "Enemies dare not touch you. But those close to you," he said, whispering into her ear," will give their life to protect you."
'Agni, why does he get so mushi and...why does he affect me so, and how can he read me like a book?' Azula thought, was disorderly and nauseous. 'Compassion? How can I? I'm the feared princess, prodigy they, call me a monster even my mother thought I was one how?'
"Azula," he said, lifting her downed head up. "You're not a monster."
"I am," replied Azula, her voice trembling.
"No you aren't," he said, wrapping her into another hug, that's when the typical, in-control, feared Azula lost it. Formerly repressed emotions set loose, she did something she hadn't in almost ten years she cried.
'Crying... was that a forgotten concept to her. An act, she would likely get reimported by her father. But she couldn't stop anymore, the pain she had buried deep, was let loose. Yet he didn't criticize her, reimport her...he just held her, soothed her, while she cried into his shoulder.'
"There's nothing bad about being strong. You're a beautiful Sun-Fire Lily, Azula," he whispered to her. "Wild, strong...beautiful. One of a kind. Don't let others hurt you."
"T-they...don't," she replied sobbing, lying weakly.
"Azula...you don't need to be always strong. You'll burn yourself out. Let someone take over your burden," he whispered to her.
"...I...I..." she tried to say but couldn't. "...thank you...Zhan."
"Of course, Princess," he said, lifting her and carrying her, back to her Royal Chambers.
Luckily there weren't any servants in the hall, so Azula avoided the embarrassment of being carried in public.
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Zhan, arriving in her room, set her down on the bed, tucking her in. Being emotionally exhausted, Azula didn't resist much.
"Sleep Princess. You've earned a rest. I'll be here when you wake up," he said, taking a seat across from her, smiling at her, which Azula, for the first time, smiled back.
'Is this love...compassion...respect?' she thought, this turn of events confusing her. But the pain...the one she had buried deep down, it was gone. The love her mother didn't give her, the pain...it wasn't there. She peeked at Zhan for a moment: his golden locks, that goofy smile, ash-gray eyes. 'Why does he care about me?'
Azula took a final glance at him 'guess it was true. About what people books and stories tell: love is confusing.'
'Then for the first time in ten years ago Azula prodigy and Crown Princess' could say that this sleep would be the calmest she had in ages.
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