The Nascent Bloodline

LV 1

Malakai_Darkstar

The Nascent Bloodline is a story set in a world where humans with extraordinary abilities, called the Nascent Bloodline, coexist with the Paranormal humans. The story begins by setting up the history of the world, explaining the origin of the Nascent Bloodline, and their eventual decline. The narrative then moves forward 100,000 years later to focus on a young boy named Egon. The first chapter does an excellent job of establishing the world and its history. The concept of humans with incredible powers living among others is a well-explored theme in the fantasy genre, but the author manages to put a unique spin on it by focusing on the Nascent Bloodline as a dwindling race. The story of Tragon, the last Nascent Bloodline survivor, and his heroic deeds is gripping and adds depth to the world. In the second chapter, the story shifts to a new era called the "Infinity Era," where technology has progressed significantly, and humans have gained knowledge from an unknown species. The introduction of Egon and his mother adds a layer of mystery and intrigue to the story, and the sudden attack by mysterious creatures raises the stakes for the characters. The author's writing style is engaging, and the pacing of the story is well-balanced between world-building and action. However, there are a few areas where the narrative could be improved. For example: Show, don't tell: The story relies heavily on telling rather than showing. To improve the narrative, focus on showing the characters' actions, emotions, and surroundings through descriptive language and immersive details, rather than simply stating facts and events. This will create a more engaging and vivid reading experience. Pacing: The pacing of the story could be improved. The transition between scenes and the introduction of new characters feel rushed. Consider slowing down the pacing and providing more context to each scene, so the reader can better understand and engage with the story. Overall, The Nascent Bloodline is a promising start to a fascinating fantasy story.

LV 3

002_Yuki_Onna

Before I start nitpicking, let me just say, this writing is like a donut - it's got a delicious premise with a clear filling of conflict and characters with potential. And the icing on top is the tone and atmosphere that's so on point, it's like a party in my mouth...err, mind. But wait, there's more! Just like a donut that could use a bit more sprinkles, this story could benefit from the context I guess. It's not really a big thing to be clear, but with a bit more clear context, it's a really smooth read. Anyways, Loved your descriptive writing. Keep up the good work author.

LV 14

Dehni_Olsen

Synopsis: I appreciate the author’s Synopsis. It explains, with ease, what COULD be a very confusing world. Their grammar and spelling are great. It was a bit confusing when it began talking about Egon, but all in all, I feel it’s a good blerb. Please know that I only review up to chapter 5. Writing Quality: The author does a great job. This author has great potential. There were several moments that were confusing. Whether due to mistype/grammar or sentence structure. Please see below examples: This example shows how the author separates sentences and paragraphs that need to be connected. – “"Mom, where are you," he whimpered,” “perceiving the danger around him but not knowing what to do.” This example shows a couple of things. First, it’s confusing to say that it “scattered”. Did the author mean shattered the wall? Secondly, the second sentence ends with a comma and very little description of how the creature became unconscious. – “The creature was coming with full force so it scattered the wall at the end of the hallway. Then it became unconscious,” However, the author has so much potential. I thoroughly enjoyed their descriptions and mannerisms of his characters. They were very well thought out. Please see the below example: "Don't worry. I'll meet up with you," his mom reassured him, but her voice trembled with fear. She looked back over her shoulder as she spoke, as if she was afraid of something or someone pursuing them.” For this section, even WITH the grammar/mistypes, I’m giving this section 4 stars. I feel like there is enough greatness in their writing that the mistakes can be overlooked. Story Development: It’s unfortunate that the beginning of the book is hidden in the AUX chapters. However, I know how difficult WebNovel can be regarding changing or adding chapters. So this is something that I will overlook when reviewing. The story is developing great. I feel like it started off with a moment that pulled the reader in. I became fully attached to the world almost immediately. I don’t normally read level based novels and I find myself enjoying this one. Please see these great examples of the authors writing style: “One evening, as twilight painted the sky in hues of amber and gold, Egon sat in his room, his mind still clinging to the shadows of his past.” “Sudden and bewildering, a swirling portal materialized on the roadside, carrying Egon to an unknown destination. As he emerged from the portal, his body collided with the ground, pain shooting through his limbs like electric currents. Gasping, he fought against the ache, summoning his strength to rise to his feet.” “The creature bolted out of the shadows with lightning speed, its sinewy muscles rippled beneath its dark, scaly skin. It bore a striking resemblance to a giant, feral dog, but its eyes glinted with an otherworldly intelligence that made Egon’s blood run cold.” This section will receive a 5 star. Character Design: Sadly, I find that this section is lacking in certain aspects. I’m into chapter 3 and yet I still do not know what Egon looks like. I don’t even know how old he is until chapter 4. However, I AM connected to him. The author did phenomenally in making his character feel very alive for me. I just wish I knew what he looked like. This section receives a 4 star. World Background: The author did great in this section as well. Along with how they created their characters, the world and the worlds creatures are very well described. This world is easy to envision. This section will receive 5 stars.

LV 2

M_Ni

I think it's a good story with wonderful word building. I like the character's and like someone else mentioned I would focuss on adding more dialogue in chapter one: create a scene where some things are explained in a setting. Other than that I like this story :D keep up the good work

LV 1

Vimbai_Murindagomo

I 'm loving the pace of this book, the plot is excellent. This is undoubtably fantasy at it's best. The author must take time though to proof read before publishing. There are notable errors in chapter 1 where the author says, "Egon had never seen such a creature", the line is misplaced as it comes before the attack by the creature upon it's first appearance and can confuse readers. Otherwise along with other errors of diction not take away anything from your outstanding work. You just need to proof read your work, and keep writing, I 'm impressed by your creativity and am cheering you on.

LV 3

Dkanime

I have just read four chap and I gotta admit this book has a great dialogue and it's literally blowing my mind how the AI works,the author has a wild mind.. superb novella savvy..good book...good book

LV 1

NegansPalace

Egon is a good character, the story is really good so far, I've added it to my collection, when more chapters drop il will binge read them. keep up the good work author.

LV 3

Stardreamer12

Okay, so I like your story, especially the idea that the protagonist is the only remaining Nascent bloodline. You have a nice plot and a good theme. Chapters 1 and 2 are already okay since you've put a lot of description and enough dialogue between the characters, making the reader really know what's happening. However, in Chapter 1, I feel like it lacks dialogue and relies too much on descriptions. So, I suggest that the author writes more dialogue to balance it out. Your story is good, so keep it up, author

LV 4

Peterson_89

Awesome book development, nice plot although just few chapters but still captivating, good job author.

LV 3

Genesis_writer

Hlo fellow novel readers, this is great and good novel with everything from Writing to story. But is has far too less chapters for me, as I already have caught with latest chapters. Can anyone recommend more novel like this as I only have one in my mind. But it also just started and has less chapters but got a great potential. If you wannna check it out. Don’t forget to like my review if you find that story good. Name Holographic Conjuring Syatem Hey, don,t forget my like on this review. This book got 2 chapters for now but still great so far.

LV 2

Stella_Blissito

What a fantastic book, good job to you author💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖😘

LV 3

Dream10a

The dialogues and description are good and understandable. Writing style is also good. There are a few grammatical and punctuation errors. Though I don't understand why in chap 2 Egon and Freya for a moment would suddenly forget their current situation just by falling down without any damage done—not realistic to me. Well, keep up the good work, Author.

LV 2

WashingDishes_07

The story is amazing and has a lot of potential. The characters and world building is good, but the writing quality could still be improved. Good novel! 👍

LV 3

Dark_Cosmos

Great job, my friend. So proud of you. Hope you give us a wonderful story. Also I don't want to sound rude, but it just need a little improvement.

LV 2

Sereinchoo

I think it got a lot of potential. The story was interesting to hook readers to continue to read. Some mistakes here and there but not much issue with reading, Overall quite good. Nice work author. Keep it up!

LV 2

Rainandstorm

The structure is just amazing .. The word building and characters as well are really amazing too Can't help but to what to find out what happens next

LV 3

Alexialasthope

This has a lot of potentials. The world building is great and the story is interesting so far. I'll keep reading it since I wanna know what happens next.

LV 3

goffyboy

The world-building is solid. But you need to step up. I smell great potential. The only nitpick I have is the use of flashbacks.

LV 1

Augustdsuza

The world-building is fabulous. I would like it if you start the first chapter in the middle of an action scene and then explain the background of the world. It would have more impact that way. The pacing and characters are admirable. I would like it if the pace picked up a little bit. Otherwise, fantastic job author!!!