Chương 100: The Talk
Pulling off the main road, I pulled my black Mercedes Benz 380 onto a dark back road surrounded by thick forests, some forty minutes outside the city.
Pulling off to the side of the road, I turned off the car.
The whole ride up here not a word was spoken between Me and Edward, just uncomfortable silence broken only by the soft notes of whatever was playing on the cars radio.
All the way, Edward would take side glances at me, his thirst clearly evident in his darkened eyes.
Opening my car door, I stepped out, taking in a deep breath of the fresh night air.
Keeping my door open, I leaned down where I saw Edward still sitting, not moving a muscle.
"Are you gonna get out or just sit there as still as a corpse?" I asked, smirking internally as he gave me one of his trademark scowls.
"that's the spirit, kid!" I said cheekily as I closed my door.
Walking to the front of the car, I waited as Edward opened his door and stepped out.
Leaning my back against the front, I looked up at the night's sky as Edward walked up beside me.
"Ready to go?" I asked, turning my head to look at him.
"where?" he asked.
I looked around us.
"We're in the woods…what do you think we're here for?" I asked him, trying to press his buttons while I ignored the scowl he gave me.
"you might want to take that coat off." I said, pushing myself off the car. "It looks expensive."
He looked down at his long trench coat.
"I have spares." He said dryly.
I shook my head.
"Would you take the damn thing off!" I said sternly, like chiding a child.
"Most people try to preserve their expensive clothes and not get them bloody." I added, exasperated.
"fine!" Edward scoffed, taking the coat off with a sigh, draping it over the hood of my car.
"Happy?" Edward asked.
"Ecstatic!" I replied happily.
"Now, you should take the lead on this." I said, waiting on Edward.
"I would prefer to have this talk when you're not constantly being distracted by my blood."
We ended up finding two bucks in a small open clearing which were enough to quench Edward's thirst.
Dragging the dead carcasses to the edge of the clearing, I walked back to its center where Edward was staring up at the night's clear sky.
"You know, this is one of my favorite views." I said, putting my hands in my pockets.
He looked over at me.
"Why?" He asked, no longer sounding like the dark cloud he had been before, but instead more relaxed now that he had something to quench his thirst that wasn't human.
"Because it never changes." I said simply.
"I know every time I look up, everything will always be where it has always been. No matter how much the world around me changes."
We fell into silence after that.
Neither saying anything as we looked up at the clear night sky.
"Are you really him?" Edward asked, breaking the silence, but not looking away from the stars.
I didn't say anything for a moment, instead, thinking about what I should tell him.
I knew what he meant by that.
And I knew I wasn't the actual 'Adam' created by God. but was instead a figure who became him through mistaken identity,
No matter how much I tried to fight it.
I preferred to let others come to their own conclusions about that, neither confirming nor denying it. That is until I can use it to my advantage.
From what I could still remember and from what I wrote in my very personal diary, which I had written important information about the future in, Edward was once a pretty religious person like Carlisle, but had way more baggage to deal with of a different sort.
Which is what started his whole "I no longer have a soul and am now a monster because i must drink blood to continue my existence which I don't want BLA-BLA-BLA, dramatic"
I looked over at Edward, coming to a decision.
"Yeah…I'm him." I said simply.
I felt as the tension filled Edward at my words.
Edward's eyes darted back to the stars, his brow furrowing as he processed my claim.
I could tell he was teetering on the edge of skepticism and reluctant acceptance. The night seemed to hold its breath, waiting for my next move.
I took a step closer to him, the cool night air wrapping around us like an embrace. "But you need to understand something," I continued, my voice steady but laced with a hint of gravity. "Being 'him' doesn't mean I have all the answers. It doesn't mean I possess some divine wisdom or infallibility. I'm as flawed as anyone else."
Edward turned slightly to face me, his intense gaze piercing through the darkness, searching for the truth in my words. "Flawed?" he echoed, a mixture of disbelief and curiosity painted across his features. "You're supposed to be perfect. The first man, the benchmark for humanity."
I chuckled lightly, shaking my head.
"That's the myth, isn't it? Perfection is an illusion. Every legend is built on a foundation of exaggerations and misconceptions. Just like you. You think you're a monster because of what you've become, but you're more than just your thirst for blood. You're capable of so much more."
He remained silent for a moment, the weight of my words lingering in the air. The stars above twinkled like distant promises, and I could feel the tension in his body slowly begin to ease.
"You really believe that?" he finally asked, his voice softer now, almost vulnerable.
"Of course I do," I replied, stepping back to give him space.
"Look at the choices you've already made. You could have succumbed to your instincts and thirst for human blood long ago, but instead, you choose to fight against that for some time. You strive to protect those who are innocent from those who wish them harm, even when it puts you at odds with your own inner turmoil." I said.
"And what of you? If you are who you say you are, then you should know the burden of expectation. Like the ones Carlisle and Esme have for me. Being 'Adam' means you're constantly scrutinized, judged against an impossible standard."
"Carlisle and Esme have not once held you to a standard, Edward," I said, my voice stern. "They know holding you to that ideal would only suffocate you. They love you for who you are, not for some mythical image. You need to let that sink in," I said, nodding emphatically.
"And that's why I refuse to let it define me. I've seen what happens when someone tries to live up to ideals. They lose themselves in the process. They forget that it's okay to be imperfect, to embrace the chaos of existence. It's not about being perfect; it's about being real."
Edward turned to me, a glimmer in his eyes.
"So, you're saying I should embrace my monster?" he asked quietly.
"Embrace every part of you, Edward." I replied. "The monster, the protector, the man you once were, and the man you're becoming. They're all pieces of the same puzzle. You don't need to choose one over the other. Instead, learn to coexist with them."
As the words left my lips, I felt an electric tension in the air, a shift in the atmosphere that suggested something profound was taking root between us. Edward stood there, contemplating the weight of my advice, and I could almost see the gears turning in his mind.
"You make it sound so simple," he finally said, a hint of sarcastic amusement creeping into his voice. "As if I can just flip a switch and suddenly become the embodiment of acceptance."
"It's never simple," I scoffed. "And it's certainly not instantaneous. It's a journey, one filled with trials and tribulations. But I believe in your ability to navigate it. Just look at how far you've come so far."
"it must have been torture for you to keep yourself from hunting another person," I said, a small smile creeping onto my face. "I bet you did go on a few…but couldn't bring yourself to drink their blood. Instead you incapacitated them."
Edward's eyes narrowed slightly, a mix of embarrassment and defensiveness flashing across his face. "You have no idea," he replied, his voice low and strained. "It's not just about the blood. It's the guilt, the constant battle between what I am and what I wish I could be. The moments I've lost myself in the hunt, in the thrill of the chase—it's like being caught in a storm, oscillating between clarity and chaos."
I nodded, understanding the depth of his struggle. "That storm, Edward, it's a part of you. But it doesn't have to define your existence. Remember, even the fiercest storms eventually give way to clear skies. It's the calm that follows where we find ourselves, where we can reflect and grow."
He turned back to the stars, his expression softening as he contemplated my words. "You make it sound almost poetic," he said, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "But poetry doesn't change the reality of what I am. I'm still a vampire, still a creature of the night."
"True," I responded, stepping closer to him. "But you're also a person, a being capable of love, compassion, and incredible strength. Your thirst for blood is just one aspect of your existence, not the entirety of it. The choices you make, the relationships you nurture, those are what truly define you."
He sighed heavily, the weight of his internal conflict etched into every line of his face. "Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, teetering between the man I was and the monster everyone thinks I am. One wrong move, and I could fall into darkness."
"Then don't move," I said firmly, meeting his gaze with intensity. "Stand still for a moment. Embrace the uncertainty. Accept that it's okay to feel lost sometimes. It's part of the human experience, even for someone like you. Especially for someone like me."
Edward's expression softened further, and I could see the flicker of hope igniting within him. "You really believe I can find that balance?" he asked, searching my eyes for reassurance.
"I do," I affirmed, feeling a swell of conviction. "You're already on the path. Acknowledging your fears and insecurities is the first step toward true acceptance. You've faced countless challenges, and yet here you are, still standing, still fighting. That's more than most can say."
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