Chương 17: The Devil in Me Ch. 17
Chapter Seventeen:
Noah:
She is warm. Too warm.
My head rested on her shoulder, and I didn't want to move.
"What?" Jody asked, "I don't think any of us are virgins, right?"
Shay shifted under me. Was she nervous about me knowing if she was a virgin or not?
Wait, Jody wouldn't have said that if she didn't already know she wasn't one.
Why did I feel nauseous?
"No," I said, "I guess not."
I couldn't hide it in my voice.
I didn't want to know about guys she had been with before.
"You look like you get around," Jody said, "Both of you do, actually."
I looked like I got around?
"I'll take that as a compliment," Delaney said.
"Well, you are both good looking guys," Shay said, "It's hard not to wonder."
She wondered if I slept around a lot?
"Do you?" Jody asked, "Do you get around?"
"Surprisingly, no," Delaney said, "I haven't been with very many people at all."
"People?" Jody asked.
She was quick to pick up on his use of the word people, instead of girls.
"You've been with boys and girls?" Shay asked.
This was not a subject I wanted to discuss. We were heading towards a topic we weren't supposed to talk about yet.
"I have," Delaney said slowly.
"What about you, Noah?" Jody asked.
Shay straightened her back, and it forced me to adjust how I was leaning on her.
I sat back a little, and my eyes went to Jody.
"Have I been with men?" I asked.
She nodded. I could feel Shay's full attention on me.
"No," I said.
"Do you get a lot of female attention?" Jody asked.
"I do," I said.
I only knew that because of what everyone else tells me. Sometimes if it's really obvious, I'll notice.
"Do they get your attention?" Shay asked.
Delaney laughed, "He doesn't pay attention to anybody."
This unpleasant feeling settled in my stomach.
"Really?" Jody asked.
"Really," Delaney said, "I mean, he has friends and stuff, but I haven't seen him interested in anybody before."
Jody's eyes went to Shay.
Shay brought her legs closer to her middle.
I wasn't sure why I felt like I needed to wrap my arms around her, but I did.
My body moved forward, and I wrapped both of my arms around her stomach.
She let out a small sound, before leaning back into me.
"Already so adorable," Jody smiled lightly at Shay.
"Shut up," Shay mumbled.
"So, wait," Jody said, "You are, or you aren't a virgin, Noah?"
"I'm not," I said.
I was thankful that Delaney didn't say anything about Raisa.
"We talking about a high, or a low body count?" Jody asked.
That wasn't a phrase I heard before. At least not in that context.
"Body count?" I asked.
"Number of people you've been with," Shay said.
I really didn't like this topic.
"Less than five," I stated, "What about you?"
Jody didn't mind the attention being on her.
"More than five," she said simply.
Delaney didn't look phased.
I personally would have been jealous.
My eyes went to Shay, and I wondered just how many boys she's been with.
Then I really didn't want to know.
"Less than five," Jody said.
I met her eyes, and she was clearly indicating to Shay.
That was still too broad for me. That could mean four.
"How many less?" I asked.
Jody just grinned. The look on her face made it obvious that she wasn't going to answer that.
"Two," Shay said.
She turned her head so I could see her face.
I wished that I could say the same.
"Delaney?" Shay asked, "More or less than five?"
"More," he said.
He didn't miss a beat.
Shay kept her eyes on me, and I, for some reason, couldn't look her in the eye.
She might think that I am lying to her.
"Can we talk about something else?" I asked.
"What?" Jody asked, "Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?"
I didn't have a good response for her, because in some ways it did.
"To an extent," I admitted, "Yes."
"Alright," Jody shrugged, "Thank you for being honest."
That was a surprising thing to hear.
"Then what do we talk about?" Delaney asked, "I personally don't mind."
"You wouldn't," I said.
He shrugged, "I go where it leads me."
I knew he got around, but shit. I didn't need to hear the speech again, the one where he calls his dick a divining rod.
"Noah," Shay asked.
I turned my head just slightly to meet her eyes.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
With my arms around her like this, I felt just fine.
"Better," I said.
"Good," she smiled lightly.
Being here with her did feel good. Even with all the eyes on us.
A throat cleared, and my mood instantly went sour.
Baird stood there.
How had I missed him again?
Either this sedative was something else, or being near Shay fucked up my senses.
"So much for a lengthy discussion," Delaney said.
I was glad that I wasn't the only one that talked to Baird that way. It made me feel not so alone.
"Dr. Olsen is not pleased with your behavior," Baird stated.
"That's old news," I stated, "What did he say?"
"Just as I predicted," Baird said, "This would not end in your favor."
I hoped more than anything that he was trying to pick up telling jokes. Baird never was really funny.
"Care to elaborate on that?" Delaney asked.
Baird glanced down at the blue-haired man.
"Dr. Olsen has requested that I place trackers on the two of you," he indicated to Shay and Jody.
"Don't we have to sign something for that?" Jody asked, "What if we don't sign it?"
"Yes," Baird stated, "If you do not, then I am sorry to say you will no longer be welcome in the program."
A shiver ran through me.
I knew where this was going to go. Olsen only cared about one thing.
"He wants them in the Breeder program?" I asked, "Doesn't he?"
Baird looked at me, and I could see the disappointment on his face.
I know I'm not supposed to mention certain things around humans, but this was not okay. Shay was not just some normal human. Not to me.
"Breeder program?" Jody asked.
"It's exactly what it sounds like," Delaney stated.
"We all wish to find more volunteers for that as well," Baird said, "But Shay and Jody need to voluntarily join."
"For kids?" Shay asked, "A program to help increase the Devil population?"
"Alpha human," Baird corrected, "Just because a Devil and a human have a child together, does not mean that the child will be a Devil like their parent."
"Is that the only way we're allowed to have sex with one?" Jody asked.
I could feel Shay shake a little in my arms.
Baird looked down at the pink-haired girl and frowned.
"I do not think that you understand what the program is actually for," Baird stated, "Reproduction only."
"But they can have sex?" she asked, "Clearly."
"Not with humans," Baird stated.
I really wished that he didn't just say that.
"What?" Jody demanded, "Then how do they do the breeding thing?"
"Some of us can't," I said.
All of their eyes were on me.
Fuck.
"What does that mean?" Shay asked, "That you change to the point you can't?"
"That is exactly what that means," Baird stated.
"You don't have some kinky pleasure chamber?" Jody asked, "Because I would volunteer for that."
I barely knew this girl, and I was embarrassed almost every time she opened her mouth. How Shay managed, I have no idea.
"There is something similar," Baird said.
What?
"Something similar to a kinky pleasure chamber?" Delaney asked, "Or something like the breeder program?"
"For mates, there is a special program," Baird said, "I believe it fits with your inquiry."
"And what happens in this special program?" Delaney asked.
This was the first I heard of a special mate program.
"It is not one of our popular programs," Baird said, "But every once in a while, a Devil and their mate need some form of outlet."
"One that doesn't end with a baby," Jody said, "Right?"
"I suppose that would depend on your form of birth control," Baird said.
He was being far more crude than usual.
"What happens with these special programs?" I asked.
Baird met my eyes.
"That will only be discussed like most programs are," he said, "Once the paperwork is signed."
I didn't like the sound of this.
Jody stood up, "Lead the way then, I guess."
She was joking, right?
Shay's hands went over mine, and she pulled my arms away from her.
"I don't think this is a good idea," I admitted.
She stood up before smiling down at me.
"That's why you read it before you sign it," she said.
I looked over at Delaney to see if he shared my concern.
Of course, I would like to be able to touch Shay more, but I didn't want it to be monitored.
Delaney didn't look bothered.
My eyes followed Shay as she trailed behind Baird and Jody.
Shay:
Honestly, the sound of a special mate program sounded like complete bullshit.
It was like it was too good to be true.
Jody and I both signed the paper to be tracked.
Though, I didn't care much for the idea of having someone constantly know where I am and when. It was a small price to pay to spend more time with Noah.
"About this other program," Jody said.
"I will need you to wait before you sign those papers," he said simply.
"Why?" she asked.
Jody sounded irritated. I understood why.
"I want you both to have a clear head," he said, "I know that today might have been a little more than you bargained for."
"Baird," Jody said, "What makes you think we are going to change our minds?"
"I am going to tell you about the program," he said, "Many have changed their minds before you, it is bound to happen again."
"Go on then," she said.
"You both have already seen just a fraction of the physical change a Devil goes through," Baird stated, "In this program, it gives you the opportunity to experience some intimacy to know just how much your Devil will change at what point."
"Some intimacy?" I asked.
"Yes," Baird said, "We have a handful of rooms, as well as many different types of restraints."
"Restraints?" Jody asked, "What for?"
"Some Devils have been known to hurt their partner," he said, "It is never intentional, but when they are in that state, it is hard to control your change, as well as your reaction to your mate."
"Are you giving me the paperwork or not?" Jody asked.
Baird looked surprised, "Are you sure you do not want to think about it?"
"I'm sure," she said, "A mate is a mate, right?"
"If you insist," Baird said, "Give me a couple minutes to get all of it together."
Jody nodded.
Baird left the small room, and I took that as my chance to breathe like a crazy person.
It almost felt like I was hyperventilating.
"What?" Jody asked, "Too rash?"
"You're not worried about it being too soon?" I asked.
"You see how they run this program," Jody said, "They probably wouldn't let us near each other for a while anyway."
I wished her words didn't make sense. She did have a point.
My hand went to the metal around my neck.
It was a thin brown metal line. One side had my last name, while the other had my date of birth.
It was like they were waiting for us to get to this point just to track us.
Did I want to be a part of this special program?
The word restraints came to mind, and I shivered.
Were we supposed to restrain them while we did stuff?
Did Noah want that?
He seemed like he didn't even know about this program. Should I be worried?
I mean, he did say he thought this was a bad idea.
This was a decision I had to make on my own.
Let me read the paper I'm given, and I will make an informed decision.
Baird walked in, and he had two thick stacks of paper.
That was easily more than twenty pages.
"I recommend that you read through it thoroughly."
This was probably the real reason most people said no.
"If I recall correctly," Baird said, "You did say that you had time."
Noah:
I was probably more frustrated that I had a right to be.
Baird led the girls away, and both Delaney and I were forced to go back to our rooms.
I haven't seen Shay since yesterday.
I had to work, and I was called out on how distracted I was.
What took so long? She was still at the program center when I had to leave.
Was the paperwork really that extensive?
What the hell was this mate program? Did he neglect to tell me what it was called on purpose?
Why have I never heard of it before?
A light knock on my door snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Come in," I said.
I sat up on my bed to see Delaney.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey," he said back, "Have you heard anything more about this new program?"
I shook my head.
"Have you?" I asked.
He didn't answer.
"Delaney?" I asked, "Have you learned anything about it?"
"Yeah," he said after a minute.
"And?" I asked.
I instinctively sat up straighter to listen.
"It's weird," Delaney said, "Baird wasn't lying when he said not a lot of people actually go through with it."
"What do you mean?"
Was it really that bad?
To me, the breeder program was horrible, because you didn't always get to pick who you were paired with. At least with a mate, there was no choice. You got your mate.
"There is a lot of shit to go through," he said, "Like more paperwork than you can imagine."
I doubted that. I could imagine quite a bit of paperwork.
After all, I have been here for a long time.
"The no talking is stricter than the first portion of the volunteer program," he said.
That made sense. You didn't get to know very much in the volunteer program.
"Okay," I said, "How strict?"
"The guy I talked to wouldn't tell me much," he said, "He wasn't even supposed to mention that he was a part of it."
It was that bad, then?
"So then what?" I asked, "He didn't really tell you much of anything."
"He told me enough," Delaney admitted, "He entered the program with his female mate."
I nodded.
"Apparently, she was told to chain him to the wall," he said.
His expression showed a little bit of worry.
"Is that all?" I asked.
"They monitor you," he said, "If being watched constantly wasn't bad enough, they have to ruin something so intimate and personal."
It was strange to hear him say that because I felt the same way.
"I was hoping they wouldn't monitor us," I admitted, "It's bullshit."
Delaney nodded, "I fucking hate this place."
He and I both knew that most other facilities didn't have programs like this. They wouldn't even let us interact with humans at all.
If I was somewhere else, they wouldn't even permit me to have a job that had me working with humans.
"If I touch her," Delaney stopped himself, "When I touch her, I don't want them watching."
It was weird to hear him say what I would. I didn't want to share those moments with anybody but Shay.
"He needed the restraints, though," he said, "His change is more physical."
"More physical?" I asked, "How?"
He cleared his throat, "You know Artie, right?"
Artie? I had to think about that for a minute.
"Arthur Carlton?" I asked.
He nodded, "Have you seen him lately?"
I shook my head. I thought he left.
"His change was so bad that he actually got reclassified."
That was a horrible thing to hear.
"That's not who you're talking about, right?" I asked.
He shook his head, "How would I know this stuff if he wasn't here?"
That why I was asking.
"I'm talking about Sean," he stated, "When that dude changes, fuck."
Sean? I don't think I really know him.
"How does he change?" I asked.
"You ever see a Blowfish expand?" he asked me seriously.
Oh fuck.
"He doesn't completely bloat, but his body forces these sharp spikes out of his skin."
I don't think I could unsee a human expand the way a Blowfish does. It was seared into my brain.
"So, what happened?" I asked.
Did I really want to know?
"Well, I mean, he said it was difficult to really do much," he said, "But I did hear that she was able to blow him. So, that's a plus."
"I guess," I said.
"Hey," he said, "We both know that just touching your mate could get you off."
Did I know that? I knew I couldn't sleep.
I know that I got harder than I ever had been before after I touched her yesterday.
"Sure," I said.
He was quiet for a few minutes before I heard him speak again.
"Do you think they signed the papers?" he asked quietly.
I met his gaze. He was worried.
He didn't show much emotion yesterday. Was he just trying to play it cool?
"I don't know," I said.
"Do you want her to?" he asked.
"Part of me does," I admitted, "If it means I can be with her."
He nodded, "I'm actually scared that she'll sign them."
"You are?" I asked, "Why?"
"Girls expect bro," he said, "She knows that she isn't my first."
Oh, I didn't think about that.
Shit.
"They don't react the way that we do," he said, "So just that small amount of contact might be enough for us."
"But not for them," I finished his sentence.
He nodded.
"It would be easier if I was a girl, and she was a boy," Delaney said.
I gave him a look that asked if he was joking or not.
"I'm serious," he said, "It would be easier if we had different anatomy because we'll be the ones chained to a fucking wall."
"What are you on about?" I asked.
"I don't know exactly how it would work, but I have thought about it. A lot," he admitted, "But it would be easier to keep some distance if you have a dick."
He really did think too much about it.
"Are you telling me you wished she had a dick?" I asked.
"If it meant that I wouldn't hurt her?" he asked, "Then yes."
He was too honest.
"Aren't you scared?" He asked me.
"Sometimes," I admitted, "But I don't think about it when I'm with her."
"I get what you mean," he said, "But I also know that you've hurt someone before."
I really wished that he didn't bring that up.
"I know that you were in the breeder program before," he said, "You should be afraid."
I glared at him.
"I don't say it to be a dick," he said awkwardly, "This is me being your friend."
It felt weird to hear him say that.
"Yeah," I said, "Thanks."
I didn't want anybody to remember that time. I lived with it, I did it. The last thing I wanted was for Shay to know about it.
"Some things you can't change," Delaney stated.
"Believe me," I said, "I know that."
He stood there for a minute before opening my door.
"I just wanted to let you know," he said, "We'll talk later."
I nodded.
"Thank you."
When he was gone, I felt this weight on my chest.
I thought about it, about what would happen if I hurt her.
Part of me knew, though, that when she is right in front of me, that I wouldn't.
Then I had to remind myself what I really am and that there was truly a Devil inside of me.
I've hurt a human before. Nothing says I couldn't do it again.
More than anything, though, I wished that wouldn't.
I want her. I want to sit and talk with her.
I wanted to breathe in that sweet scent that covered her skin.
Did I truly want to be a part of that mate program?
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited by the idea of being chained up while she blew me.
Would I be able to put my mouth on her?
Would all of this just be one-sided?
Fuck. I was hard again.
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