Chương 113: Loneliness is pain and fear
"Ah… I didn't mean it that way. I'm only trying to honor the vow I made to your mother!" Benedict hurriedly added.
"He ruined it!" Shirley lamented on the side.
"Enough about that," Freon said.
"What do you mean enough about that?" Shirley hissed. "We were getting to the good part!"
"Eh…" he replied. "I'm more concerned about what happened to my sister than this."
"Ten Dawn Nassandra is recovering well," Iris intruded with Krogan. "She is likely to awaken in a few days. I'm not interrupting anything, am I, Your Highness?"
Elizabeth quickly recomposed and straightened herself out. "No, not at all."
"Is that so?" the woman wondered. "The fleet will also rendezvous with the Alzar fleet soon. Once that happens, we will change course for Presharvo Port. It will take around two weeks, barring any extraordinary circumstances. I hope you can understand, Your Highness."
"That's fine for me."
"Then I shall take my leave," Iris said.
"We should do the same, Sir Lorenzo," Sir Winstin said, ushering the crowd out. Although he knew Elizabeth for a scant amount of time, it was obvious there were some things that could be said publicly and some things that could not.
She nodded in appreciation as everyone flooded out, leaving just the four of them. Once everyone left, she said, "It's been a really long journey, hasn't it? I thought that I could do something, anything, to repay the kindness I was given. But look at me now. What a sad mess I've made of things. I'm sorry for putting you three through everything. I'm really sorry…"
Freon could not help but feel regret with his earlier words. To be honest, when he heard Nassandra was safe and sound, every bit of anger vanished. Even the fact that he nearly crippled himself or flirted with death meant nothing to him. As long as his sister was safe, then he was satisfied! With a touch of awkwardness, he said, "It's fine. I said things out of line. Forget about what I said."
"Freon…" Elizabeth said, feeling a bit touched.
"You can say something good after all!" Shirley laughed. "Say something too, knight boy!" She hid her snicker.
"Ah, what do you want me to say!" Benedict shouted.
"Say something like you'll protect her your entire life," the girl continued.
"What? You…" the knight fumed.
"You're quite the meddlesome person, aren't you, Shirley?" Freon said.
The four laughed. It seemed like such a long time since they were able to share such a lighthearted conversation. Their journey was truly chaotic, filled with battles and bloodshed. There was not much time to breath, much less talk. And when they did talk, it was filled with somber undertones. However, they felt security now. Although they had yet to return to the Alzar Kingdom, it was a matter of time. Therefore, the four felt their shoulders truly drop. They could smile!
"Are you getting off at Presharvo Port, Freon?" Benedict asked.
"If everything works out, then that's the plan. Nassandra and I will disembark there."
"I haven't been there in ages. It must have been years," Shirley reminisced with a touch of melancholy. Her brow drooped the tiniest amount that no one noticed before recovering. "What will you do after?"
"Head back home to Firecast. With everything that's happened, I doubt I'll be drafted into another army again. I served enough in Port Silic. There's the problem with the university, but I'll be able to live with Nassandra again, so that's good enough for me," he said.
"I understand how you feel," Shirley nodded. "I haven't seen my younger brothers or mother for a while now. I hope that they're doing okay. What about you, Benedict?"
"Well… I'm still a knight, but I did abandon my post. The Hawken Household is an established Grand Nobility Household, built upon knighthood, honor, and strength. For me to do what I did, I don't know how my father will take it," Benedict paled. Fear was seen in his eyes.
"You're scared of disappointing him, aren't you?" Shirley realized.
Benedict smiled wryly. "My brother was here talking about this. He doesn't think our father will take this well. I was already on thin ice before. But now, this might be the final nail in the coffin."
"Well, you did technically run away from the capital with the princess…" Freon thought aloud. "To be honest, it's a miracle you haven't been beheaded already." This sent Benedict into a spiraling sense of despair.
"Honestly! You don't know how to comfort anyone, do you?" Shirley moaned.
"I'm just speaking frankly," he shrugged. "And what about you? We've been talking about ourselves the entire time. Surely, you can talk about yourself as well."
"Me?" Shirley was surprised before revealing a hint of sadness. "I don't really have anything so interesting. Lour Island is a small place, quite out of touch with everything else. We rarely see visitors from outside. When I get back, I suppose it'll be the same old, same old, back to the forge to put bread on the table. My mother is ill, and my brothers are young, so this is all I can do. It took a lot of courage to leave and join the war."
"Seems like we all have our own problems," Benedict sighed. "This will probably be the last time we see each other."
Elizabeth's heart thumped loudly in her chest. Those words… Those cursed words. Those were the words she wanted to hear the least. She wanted to feign ignorance, to believe they would stay together. But that was a lost hope, an impossibility. Everyone had their own lives, their own family, their own future. No one could stay together forever. Elizabeth clutched her chest in agony. When her friends started talking about their families, it felt like daggers digging into her heart! She felt afraid!
Although there was Aunt Christina still, Elizabeth knew her relationship changed. After all, Christina kept such a massive secret away from her. Elizabeth had no idea that she was Lady Commander Christina Kalmar, the late Master of Strategy's cousin! Furthermore, she knew everything about Elizabeth's circumstances all this time… Who would say they would remain unfazed after realizing the other person held so many secrets? Anyone would feel hurt or betrayed, especially by someone so close to them. Trust was essential for relationships to bloom. Without it, there was nothing.
The same could be said about the Alzar Kingdom's Royal Family, her supposed birth family. There were no feelings of intimacy or bonds. Would a person greet someone a stranger with open arms? Nobody in their right mind would do that. Although she was an Etuvel Reindel as well, she knew nothing. She knew no one. How could she feel warmth? Comfort? Castle Reinhard was nothing more than a lonely husk of a building in her eyes! That was right. An overwhelming sense of loneliness surrounded her. She was alone in this world! And she was afraid!
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