Chương 49: Worse Than a Rampaging Demon
Tanisha didn't sleep in her bed despite how comfortable it looked. She instead oped to sleep snuggling up to Bjorn on the massive familiar futon. She was tucked in her comforter against his warm belly as he curled around her. Morning came all too quick for the pair, as Joha arrived before the sun to start her training for the day.
Isi servants led them to one of the training halls. Tanisha was surprised to see that there were people up and training already; some doing various drills, katas or even meditation. She was wonderstruck, having never seen swordsmen practice before.
They got several turned heads as they walked. She didn't know if it was because they were an odd group, or if they had already heard about them. Tanisha wouldn't have long to ponder that, because as soon as they reached their training area she was distracted with pain. Despite the increases to her stats she found training just as difficult as it had been the first day. She hadn't built up the muscle memory, and focusing on moving properly, adjusting maya, and controlling her breathing was difficult.
She found herself envious of Bjorn, who had fallen asleep watching her practice. Even so, she was determined to make herself stronger. She would give every exercise, movement and breath the respect it deserved. After two hours the sun finally rose while she was in lotus position, breathing in slowly and exhaling the blue maya.
"We are done," Joha stated.
"Praise the Forest Father!" Tanisha said as she lifted her arms in triumph then fell to her side. She was quiet for a second before she asked, "Why is my maya blue when yours goes from red to black?"
Joha smoked his pipe. "It is our connection to the Infernal Planes; I draw energy from deeper within than you do. The darker the maya, the deeper the energy is drawn from. The fact that yours is blue and not white is a good thing."
"What if it was white?" Tanisha asked.
Joha smiled. "I would not have taken you on as my apprentice. It is the weakest connection to the maya one could have, and means you have no talent for maya. Blue, on the other hand, is a common starting point. In fact I started there."
Tanisha sat up and looked at Joha seriously. There was something that had been bugging her.
"Back at the gnoll camp." She started almost at a whisper. "I didn't feel anything when I saw those bodies. I mean I have been seeing a lot of bodies recently but… it was different. I had absolute apathy to what was inside of that tent. When I saw Tyr's reaction it made me feel like I should have felt the same way, but…"
"You are wondering if the maya changes your personality?" Joha asked, but continued. "It does if you allow it to. Maya is energy that seeks to protect those who can use it. It isn't intelligent per se, it just follows your emotions and tries to block things that hurt you. It does this physically with the form I am showing you and by strengthening your body with the maya veins inside you. It also does this emotionally and mentally in different ways. The problem lies when we don't allow ourselves to feel anything."
"So maya will block emotions if I don't want to feel them?" Tanisha asked.
"Yes and no; it will block some and amplify others. That is why you must learn how to control it," Joha said. "Pleasure, joy, happiness; these emotions will be amplified while others like pain, depression, sadness and empathy can be diminished."
"Seems like you should have told me this sooner," Tanisha said.
"Yes, I should have, but remember I have always had maya and these things come naturally to me. I have never taught someone like you before, only those of my own kind or other demons. This will be a growing experience for us both," Joha said as he scratched his chin. "If you want me to, I will unblock the maya from your mind. You will need to remember the sensation to control it yourself. I warn you, this will be an unpleasant experience the first time. You will feel everything the maya has suppressed, and once I start the process has to finish."
Tanisha looked at the demon and took a deep breath. It was kind of scary knowing she hadn't been entirely herself, and worse, she hadn't even noticed. She was worried that her newfound courage to fight and get stronger may not have really been her decision. What if she really hadn't changed and this would break her. She remembered what happened when she killed the druid what felt like a lifetime ago. The feelings were muted now, either by time or the maya, she couldn't tell.
Bjorn walked up to the pair and his heads nuzzled against her, which she returned in kind. She looked at the tiger demon again, still scared but far more confident. She remembered that she made the decision to get stronger before she gained access to the maya. It was her choice, and it still was her choice.
"I will do it," Tanisha said.
"Okay, but let us go somewhere more private. I have seen this process create quite the scene," Joha responded as he stood up.
As it turned out, quite the scene was an understatement. Tanisha had never experienced such a wild thundercloud of emotions. Every one of them vivid and associated with some event she had experienced over the past few days. The loneliness and anxiety she felt when Bjorn was in a coma, the fear and confusion at the attack on the village, terror when she was targeted and Helina was fatally wounded, the sting of betrayal when Sabec rode off with Bjorn.
Worst of all there was fear in her heart. Not of the bad people, it was something that started the moment she found out Bjorn was True. No, before that, when she saw he had killed the troll, when she saw him kill the steel wolf. And it had grown when he came back larger, covered in blood, and ripped the gnoll apart in front of her. When she saw the devastation in the gnoll camp. When she saw the bodies of… She didn't want to think about those bodies. She was scared of Bjorn. Well, at least of what he could become if he decided to break the bond.
She locked that thought away, letting the maya have that one thing. She knew it was naive, but she didn't want to feel that way toward her Bjorn. He didn't deserve it. She could feel that he genuinely cared for her. Their bond and his actions proved that, many times over. He was not Sabec, he was not her parents, he was really hers and she would do anything for him.
She came to her senses in Joha's arms. They were back in her room. She had spent the last forty minutes trying to escape his grasp and screamed obscenities and insults at him because of the cleansing. He told her it would happen, and he would not let her go until it was done. Removing the maya from her mind was a delicate process and if he stopped the effects could be irreversible. Now that she had experienced it she felt a part of the maya she hadn't noticed before. She could recreate what he had done to her and control the effects maya had on her mind.
"I'm fine now," Tanisha said, out of breath from all of the struggling.
"Good. This was actually the least explosive I have seen someone be in this process," Joha said as he set her down.
Tanisha was embarrassed at herself; her face wet with tears and snot from her begging, threatening and sobbing for him to put her down during the cleansing. His words felt more patronizing than comforting. He materialized a handkerchief from the maya around him and handed it to her.
"Really, was it not that bad?" Tanisha asked. "And sorry for the things I said about your mother."
Joha said with a chuckle. "The last person I saw undergo a cleansing was a behemoth, a greater demon. He destroyed a small village before it was complete. He also helped to rebuild after and no one died. So, in comparison, this was really not that bad."
Tanisha's face was flush. "So, the only person that was worse than me was a rampaging greater demon?"
Joha rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well he didn't insult my mother. Sooo, maybe this was a little worse."
Tanisha pouted, wiping her face with the handkerchief. "I am said sorry."
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