Chương 36: Under the Weeping Tree - Part 4
AARYN
The sheer heat in her gaze almost undid his already shredded the control. But dammit, he knew what she was doing. Knew where it came from. Knew what she was afraid of. And he couldn't let her do it.
They stood there a moment, twin breaths panting, the only noise breaking the never-silence of the forest as they stared at each other.
She blinked several times, then pushed off the tree to stand straight. "Why did you stop?"
He swallowed. And prayed. "Because it isn't like this for everyone—with everyone, El. But you aren't… this isn't… I don't think you want... me."
Her eyes widened and she actually laughed. "Are you serious, Aaryn? I've literally never wanted anyone the way I want you right now."
He closed his eyes, he had to. The joy in her gaze, the heat there… it would make him give in. But her mother's words to him were echoing in his head, and he knew they were true…
"...Don't let her use you. Don't settle, Aaryn. You deserve her fully. Not just her body. And she deserves all of you, as well."
…Her hands appeared on his chest and he almost crumbled. He'd dreamed of her touching him like that. Of her whispering those kinds of words. Of that light in her eyes.
But he caught her hands to stop her, and took a deep breath, forcing the words out. "I know you want, Elreth. And I'm… I'm glad. But I think you don't want me. You just want… this."
"What, this?" she asked breathlessly, and began to stroke her hands down from his chest to, his stomach, then further and he caught her wrists, his teeth gritted.
Creator's Light, it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that this… this is how she responded?
She pushed up on her tiptoes, leaned into him, and she whispered, her lips brushing his ear. "If that's what you're offering, Aaryn, I want you."
He trembled when she gently began to pop the buttons on his shirt, then slid her hands inside, that little noise breaking in her throat again.
They both sucked in when she reached his stomach, her fingers playing against the ripples of his abdomen.
He dropped his head back, sucking in hard, but grabbed her wrists again. "Why? Tell me why, Elreth?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you want me? Why now?" Then he opened his eyes and forced himself to meet her gaze and be honest with himself about what he saw there.
"I don't know. I'd never thought about it before but when you looked at me like that—and then you kissed me!—it was like something inside me burst into flames—"
Wrong answer. With a groan, he gently pushed her hands back, away, and stepped back. Put a step between them. Then another.
His arousal was plain, even in his leathers, and her eyes widened.
He swallowed, but didn't hide himself. "I can't do this."
Her eyes snapped up to meet his then, the spark of anger appearing alongside the flames of heat. "What? Why?"
"Because you aren't… you're just discovering… your feelings right now aren't about me, Elreth. They're about you."
"But you started it!"
"This isn't what I started, Elreth. I started… I wanted you to know. I wanted you to understand why I couldn't be your Cohort."
"Forget about that," she said, her brow furrowed. "Why are you stopping this? This is—Aaryn, this is amazing. Why wouldn't you want this?"
"I do, but not like this."
"But you kissed me!"
"And I want to kiss you again, every day of your life," he whispered. "And touch you. Elreth, I want everything with you. Forever."
Her eyes went wide and she blinked. Then she froze.
And something inside Aaryn died.
She stared at him. She didn't flee. But he smelled the hint of fear that curled into her scent, and it just about killed him.
With a snarl he turned and fled, leaving her there, alone and wanting.
It was all very, very unfair.
*****
ELRETH
He left. He ran. Again.
He lit that fire inside her—made her see what she'd always wished to understand. Made her want what she'd never wanted before. Then he left.
She didn't understand.
He'd said he wanted to touch her and her belly had clenched.
And then he'd said the rest.
He'd said, Forever.
And then he'd growled, and then he'd run.
What the fuck just happened?
Why did she feel like biting something? Why did she feel like crying?
And why did she have a sinking feeling she'd just completely screwed that up?
She waited a long time there, trying to get her heart to return to its normal rate. Trying to make her body stop yearning.
But he didn't come back.
And when she finally gave up and left to go home, still confused and nervous, but getting angrier, too, there was only one thought repeating in her head: She hadn't been afraid.
When Aaryn touched her, she hadn't been afraid.
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