Chương 104: 6 Feet under or why could I not rest in peace?
Yup, we now had dug a grave for me and I had magically created a coffin for its intended usage. What a well-timed development─just after I had finished talking we suddenly reached the point where everything was finished.
Only thing left to do was hop into the coffin and embrace the perpetual darkness.
I would have said it had been a pleasure to have you guys on this long journey, but that would have been a big lie. I regret every single moment of this story and going down this path of no return was the biggest mistake of my entire life.
There was nothing more in existence, that filled me with more joy than counting the number of smut novels that I would forget about. I could not care any less about any of your guys' opinions at this point. Not even a Googleplex could come even come close to the sheer sum of fucks I did not give.
To clarify the number was called googolplex...
Consider this a rite of passage. Explaining the obvious joke one more time to the masses that probably were either too young or plainly stupid. Once my casket had finally been closed, there would never be another time.
Before anyone here sheds a tear for this occasion, be aware, that by the time you are reading this I was mostlikely dead as in very, very dead. To borrow the passage of another novel of mine:
"In 70 years I would be deader than dead, like super-duper dead. Like skeletons in an abandoned basement levels of dead. As dead as my current love life."
Much like me soon enough, the story was rotting away somewhere and nobody would ever read it.
Welp, no time to waste... Ricky and Forest Dump it was never nice to know you guys. Close the darn thing and lemme cosplay as those contracted novels once MGS ran out.
Yes, I should become one with the novels that do not make any money on this site. In doing so, I would become invisible to the naked eye and literally slip into obscurity. Conveniently forgotten─never to be remembered.
As the lid had been closed, I began to notice that the inside of the coffin was quite, ya know, dark. Who knew that the inside of the coffin, where no air and light would ever reach to, was clouded in absolute darkness?
It was quite welcoming to see a visual representation of this novel's ability to get money.
Gotta say, I liked what I saw...eh rather what I did not see here. Because as everyone knew, if you couldn't observe the misery of the world, then it didn't exist. Indeed, a very successful strategy to prevent such undesirable feelings as empathy or compassion from emerging.
The cold, empty heart should stay that way, thank you very much.
I didn't want to be a moraliser and ruin the mood of all those who cover their ears and turn away from all the chaos, but just for the record, inactivity was not the solution to escape from this spiral of terror.
Now I wasn't someone who had all the answers, I didn't even know most of the questions...I was just a guy lying in a coffin and raging against the status quo. All you needed to do was remember that time did not wait for you and the earth will keep turning no matter what you did.
Sadly, our dear friend reality was very rude and a total meanie, but also very realistic. Ain't no system with its cheat could solve global warming.
Well, actually I would have liked to give some moral wisdom around now, but I don't know any better and I don't give a damn, considering that I would soon be sleeping with the fish anyway. Metaphorically speaking, of course, there ain't no bloody way in hell that you'd find fish here.
No matter how I twist and turn it would probably take a while before I run out of oxygen. Hence, I was still contractually obliged to entertain you until my heart finally stopped.
I had imagined it to be different, but no one here asks me for my opinion anyway.
Did I really have to refer to the coffin dance meme to cause some meme-related euphoria? Was that meme even still relevant? Argh, please could you guys just le me go in peace without having to do all these cringy things?
The question was pointless, the answer had been known for a long time. Content or not, as long as there were words, it didn't matter what happened.
Well, since I've already said everything, there's should have been some deathly silence over here.Yet, the whole vicinity has been brought to life by my dear buddies and their inability to let me go in peace.
This uncouth bunch, couldn't one just kick the bucket without so much useless, gosh darn dialogue?
I miss these days when good manners were still very important.
At this very moment, they might be filming tok-tik-tak dances on my grave for cloud!!! Given the deafened sound of cheap music blasting one could definitely expect that kind of controversy to give them some good clicks.
Of course, a person's worth was more than just a click, there was a Like button after all.
I grew more and more happy knowing soon i would leave this world behind─never
to take another look back at the whole shitshow left behind.
Just wait a little longer and it too should be done soon. Although I have nothing to say against a heart attack right now. Truth be told, it even seemed more preferable than having to endure any of this for one second more than necessary.
Surely no one wanted to do me a favour and I had to wait until the very last moment. That's the way it has to be, otherwise, this story might actually be popular.
And as everyone knew 302 collections were at least 303 too much.
Thus I ask the last remaining readers to treat me as they would handle their shattered dreams and simply drop the kid.
For afterlife-related reasons that was a joke. Either way, I have done my part for this whole thing. As such, I would totally love to not see you in the next one, but we ain't playing like that.
Therefore, see you guys in the next chapter, if I was not dead until then.
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