Chương 58: Chapter 58- loving even when it’s toxic.
Sakashi shoved the door open causing the door to slam against the wall loudly. She stormed into the house before walking to the room and slammed the door loud in anger and frustration. Wesley looked up and watched sakashi and glared. "What the hell is her problem?" He asked as he sat on the couch with luke. Ayato was already asleep in his room because it was after midnight. "I have no idea, did he do something to her?." Luke replied. Azusa walked in and looked over and smirked as he shrugged his shoulders. "What did you do?" Luke asked. Wesley grinned as he remembered Azusa was already going to force himself on her. 'He must of molested her like he said he would do.' He thought to himself. "I felt like having some fun with her right under the nose of kalebize and Leemodo, they found us and I found a way to fuck her with them close by." Luke began laughing. "Good for you!." Luke replied. Wesley looked at Wesley and smirked. "I'm sure you got rid of them before coming home right?." Wesley asked him firmly. "Yes. No worries, I made sure I wasn't being followed before coming back.." Azusa reassured Wesley. "Ok good. Since your home I'm passing out.." Wesley told Azusa before standing up and walked to his room. Luke continued to relax on the couch and drank his liquor. Azusa walked to his room and opened the door, slowly closing the door he turned and looked at sakashi laying on the bed face planted into the pillow crying. Azusa sighed and walked over to the bed and sat down. Minutes past while Azusa sat next to sakashi in silence.
"Azusa...If you truly love me you'll be willing to sacrifice yourself, you'll walk right into the flames of possible death and never blink or look back to provide what I need." Sakashi began mumbling. Azusa looked at her but kept quiet. Sakashi leaned up and closed her eyes looking down facing in his direction. "If you love me you'll give up what is natural to you, If you don't then I guess you don't love me like you say you do. I sit here and question myself if I should continue to love you. But I don't feel like I love you. So, time to prove yourself if you want me to love you." She told him as her voice sounded scared and unsure of anything. She was breathing hard taking beep breaths that was making it harder to understand her words. "So What your sayings is you want me to walk into my own death? You don't want to be patient for me to figure out what to do? I'm sorry hun but I will be playing it quite safe before I risk my life and even yours! Do you want to die immediately after they kill me? Is that what you want sakashi? Look, I know you know I love you. My selfish desires took over! My fear of the worst just happened to consumed me." Azusa told her firmly yet passionately. "I know You do love me even after all this." Azusa added and paused for a few seconds before he looked down. "Well, You do love me still don't you?" He asked in more of a doubt and In unassurance.
Sakashi looked up at him as her tears continued to fall. "I am not gonna allow myself to be defeated in questions by what I may think love is. I feel this want for you, But I still long to be set free from you. Is that really love? Wanting to end it all with you? I don't want to go back to what is wrong, I want to feel happy without living in fear and what continues to hurt me." Sakashi told him as she felt her heart break. "But yet, i always find myself back inside your traps, wearing chains you've made for me Holding me down. Locked inside a cage as if I'm your caged bird unable to escape you. I am so confused with myself, like why i continue to allow myself back within your selfish cruel heart." Sakashi added before she started to slant open her eyes. Her vision was clouded with tears and had the expression of misery.
Azusa looked at her silently before releasing his own tears and emotions. Azusa truly didn't like knowing she's being hurt, he felt a pain in his chest knowing he's just keeping her for his own selfish desires. He's a criminal, he hates who he has become. Wanting to change for her but is only being a coward. He looked at sakashi and gently grabbed her right hand and squeezed. "Sakashi, when I'm asleep sneak out the window. I will make it look like I killed you, go back to kalebize. And tell him to move somewhere far away. I'll meet you to give your child to you.... If you stay with me I'll just end up killing you emotionally and mentally slowly until you can't see your own true worth. Go back and continue your life with the man who truly loves you. Because I'm toxic to you, That's what I seem to be good at.." Azusa told her firmly as tears fell from his eyes and gently leaned his head down on her shoulder. Sakashi kept silent and suddenly became wide eyed when he rested his head on her. She then narrowed her eyes and leaned her cheek on his head. "I... I don't want to." She whispered. "But all I'll do is continuously stir up your anxieties just to be the one to soothe you and help you relax For a short time, it's your warning. So if you're still here in the morning you've chosen that life and if you know me at all you'll realize this isn't a joke."
Azusa told her firmly. Sakashi smiled softly and closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed his head. Azusa looked up at her and went to pull away from her only to find himself pulled into her embrace. Sakashi then kissed his lips and held onto him tightly. Azusa feels like she's saying goodbye and wants to have one last moment with him. Her kiss seemed different, her kiss felt firm and dry. Her embrace around him felt like she was scared, she trembled and dug her fingertips into his shirt as if she's loosing something important. Sakashi's breathing became more heavy and her tears dried on her face. Sakashi began taking sudden action and started to pull his shirt upwards before trying to pull it off over his head. Azusa forced himself back and grabbed her arms and pushed her back. "Sakashi? What are you doing?" He asked her. When he looked at her face his heart sank at her expression. Sakashi wouldn't look at him. She looked straight down silently and kept blinking. Azusa assumed her answer on what she was going to do. He sighed and whispered in her ear. "Don't forget me." Before he kissed her lips again. Sakashi continued to keep silent but kissed him firmly back. After a few moments later, she whispers into his ear. "Let me love you. Please. Just don't stop me." Azusa looked at her and smiled softly. "Ok." He replied before he quickly realized she wasn't joking. She began removing his clothes. Azusa's hands began lifting and gripped her waist. "No." She told him as she shoved his hands back to his sides. She removed her shirt she had slid on when she got home and looked at him. Her eyes glimmered. "I forgive you for earlier. Now just take my apology." She told him before going down on him. Azusa became wide eyed and gripped the bed sheets. "Sakashi." Azusa said softly. Several minutes had gone by before sakashi pushes her body up towards his face and begins kissing under his neck. She sits directly ontop of him and caused him to slide into her. She then starts grinding as hard and tight at she can. She grips his shoulders and leans her forehead on his chest. Her body was still physically worn from earlier but she chose to force her body to do more. She ignored her pain just to bring him pleasure. Wasn't long before sakashi became aggressive and began doing things to Azusa he wouldn't expect. After he felt she couldn't do more he suddenly flipped her on her back and began finishing the moment, Holding her wrists to the side of her head. Her legs over his shoulders and began leaning forward into her aggressively. Sakashi had then let out a loud moan. He began kissing her to keep her quit. She pulled her lips away and wrapped her arms around her neck and held his back close pulling him down until their skin pressed as close as possible. Her legs still over his shoulders. And her face resting in his right shoulder breathing hard into his ear. She moaned and whimpered loud before he suddenly finished her off and stopped. After it was done he pulled away from her and collapsed next to her breathing heavily. Sakashi's legs fell flat on the bed and they laid there side by side. Azusa smiled and looked at her. "I love you sakashi, take care of yourself.." he told her before passing out asleep. Sakashi smiles softly before sitting up and looked at him then the window.
Question:
1. What Will sakashi do, leave or stay?
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